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Advice on second baby please ladies

(9 Posts)
Girlsmumma2 Thu 12-Jul-18 20:54:30

I have just found out I am pregnant again. Ever since the birth of my dd I have always wanted a sibling for her and could not wait for this to happen, always spoke about either dh and we felt the same.
We had been trying on and off since last yr
(Dd now 2.5) so would be over 3 when by the time youngest comes along.
When I see those blue lines appear I felt instantly guilty towards my beautiful dd, thought how could I ever love anyone as much, all these questions when a few days before the test was negative and I was gutted. Now I feel like I’ve got a sensible head on all of a sudden and won’t be able to cope with 2, and I don’t want it to take anything away from my first dd. I like the life we have, we manage to get out and about quite abit As a family and socially as a couple now and then, me and my dd often go out for lunch and little groups/play things etc together and I don’t want that all to change. My husband thinks I’m mad as this is what I waned now I feel like what have I done do I even what a second and ideally having another in a yrs time would be better for us.
My dd was a perfect baby always slept through, never winged and I really enjoyed those baby stages. What if the next one was a nightmare baby?
Sorry for the long post

Sessy19 Fri 13-Jul-18 04:13:00

I think the reality of these things is always likely to hit hard initially! Throw in a few strong hormonal emotions, and you’re brewing a storm! 😊

Truth is, you are the only one who can make this shout. Embarking on any pregnancy is always a bit daunting, and I think you focusing on the needs of DD1 is utterly natural.

But of all those negative thoughts racing round at the moment, have you considered the positives? That you’ll watch DD grow into a big sister, see her interact with her little bro/sis...sometimes (not always!) they entertain each other, esp as they get older.

You aren’t having a second baby for DD1 though, nor because you have to. You can still do all the things you do now with DD, just maybe when Dad’s at home. Or when you’re ready to take both of them out together.

It’s a tough call to discontinue a pregnancy now in favour of one next year, especially when this one took a year....

Girlsmumma2 Fri 13-Jul-18 05:39:21

Thank you for your time replying 🙂. Dh works full time so doing them things with dd when he’s around isn’t really an option and when he gets in from work dd goes to bed, if we did to seorrate things on his day off we loose our time together? See I can already see the changes confused. I can think of way more cons than positives right now which has my head constantly spinning. Everything you read says you will cope/manage, I don’t want to just cope I want to enjoy my life also. Yes I know I sound totally selfish

icklekid Fri 13-Jul-18 05:47:07

I'm not sure this is the right board to post on if you want people to help you think of positives of 2 but any way...

I had my 2 close together and whilst it was a big adjustment my oldest doesn't have any memories of what life was like before dd came along. Hes always been quite independent so happy to play by himself whilst I looked after dd. But she was good at sleeping being put down so I could play with him whilst she napped. They nap a lot as a new born! When we went to toddler groups we would always do what ds wanted and we just had to come along. Now they both happily entertain each other most of the time and seeing their relationship is just so lovely. Yes there is less time for dh and I but that will come when they are older.

I was also more willing to ask for and accept help from friends and family when dd was born. The pressure to feel I should be able to cope by myself went. I still try and make time just for ds and just for Dd. Even if that's an hour taking ds on his bike and leaving dd with dh at the weekend. That 1:1 time is really special.

icklekid Fri 13-Jul-18 05:50:01

Also if your dd is 3 she will get 15h free child care (30h if your working) in nursery/preschool if she's not already. Make the most of that time with your baby. That is the one thing that makes me wish we had a larger age gap. I would have loved some 1:1 time with dd and it would have allowed me to nap/rest in those sleep deprived new born days. When ds started preschool every morning and I only had both in the afternoon life was much easier!

ShackUp Fri 13-Jul-18 05:50:59

My two are 3.5 years apart. My youngest is now 2, and DS1 has few memories of life without him! They get on really well.

I think you'll be delighted when DC2 arrives and you watch the lovely relationship between siblings blossom.

ParisNext Fri 13-Jul-18 05:54:49

It will be ok honestly! You are giving your child a brother or sister-not just about when they are little but as adults. There will be cousins and nieces/nephews etc and you mustn't worry about the short younger years. When you see your 3 year old's delight at a sibling you'll be ok. Also it's a great age gap as your older child will have some nursery time which helps with the balance. Just keep going forward and this fear of change willl fade.

SnowOnTheSeine Fri 13-Jul-18 06:00:30

I have 2 boys, 2.7 year gap.

I was convinced I couldn't love another child as much as DS1 and felt so sorry for my unborn baby blush

But it turns out I can love them equally ! I adore watching them play together and develop their relationship. It has done a world of good for DS1 for lots of reasons.

Yes it's a different family dynamic, but personally I prefer it.

Sessy19 Fri 13-Jul-18 09:14:56

I have 7 siblings. I am in therapy because of my (non-existent) relationship with my mother! So I’m quite a supporter of the single-child family from a very specific POV.

I am planning dc#1 and am confident that 1 is quite enough. It sounds like you are very decided, and that’s ok. In the UK, you have the privilege of choice, exercise it if you wish.

You may well turn round at 40, 40+ and think you should have had another...but there’s nothing to stop you trying if that’s something you choose to do.

My initial response was to try to make you feel better about the fact that you are already pregnant. But you don’t have to be. It’s ok to feel that the timing is wrong.

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