Are the risks of another too high

[LLJAJ]

I have one child who will be 3 in October. I had an awful pregnancy as I suffered with hypermesis, became dairy intolerant once I finally managed to eat and then during labour I had bad tearing and then a massive haemorrhage after my daughter was born and ended up being rushed to theatre and then into intensive care so I didn’t get to see my daughter straight away. After this she had major feeding issues and was under 3 different hospitals, has needed 2 operations to insert and take out a feeding tube and didn’t start on solid foods until she was almost 2. The pressure it put on our relationship was massive. I was also told my chance of miscarriage is higher now as my cervix tore during labour, and I already had one miscarriage before my daughter.

My problem is I really don’t want my daughter to be an only child especially as she has no cousins or other children in the family. However is it right to want a child just so my daughter isn’t lonely? I go between wanting and not wanting another child mainly because I’m scared in case I’m not lucky enough to get through another pregnancy and also because of all the feeding issues and stress it’s caused. I’m not sure how good I am with babies anyway even though I couldn’t love my daughter more. I’m 37 so need to get on with it if we decide to have another. Financially it would be hard but when isn’t it.

[Redgreencoverplant]

What have they said with regards the risk of future haemorrhage etc. In your shoes I really wouldn't. I think it would be more important for your daughter to have a healthy mum and parents who have a happy marriage than a sibling.

[Sessy19]

Unless there’s a genetic connection, none of the complications of your first experience are necessarily relevant to successive pregnancies and births.

It’s 2018, obstetric medicine in the UK really is excellent! Have you discussed the actual risks to you or future pregnancies with your GP? If not, that would be a good start.

[msundermined]

Do you really think all children with a sibling breeze through their childhood never lonely?

[LLJAJ]

I have discussed the risks. I have a higher chance of miscarriage due to the tears and I would need to have a c section. They said I could give birth naturally but if I tore again that it would not heal properly. This is just a small part of why I’m undecided, it’s a collection of all issues.

With regards to children with siblings breezing through their childhood, I don’t think anyone breezes through anything in life unless they are extremely lucky. My concern is that apart from my daughter I am the youngest person in the family and my husband has no family. I do not have many friends that have children either so it is partly a social consideration. It is More about in years to come when maybe my husband and I are no longer here that I would like to think my daughter is not alone. I’m not stupid enough to think all siblings get along, but I’d like to think my daughter would be close with a sibling as I am with mine.

[bakewelltarte]

I am in a similar situation. For different reasons, it would be a huge risk for me to have and although I desperately want another baby, I worry that I might not make it and so I'm reluctantly resigned to not having another. I do worry my son will be lonely and it is one of those questions where I will always wonder if I made the right choice but I'm definitely counting my blessings and I know it's more important for my son to have a mum than a sibling. As everyone says to me, only you can decide! I often feel it would have been easier to accept if my consultant had said it's a definite no to have more children.