Mummy and toddler groups

[Vee24]

Hey
I'm new to mumsnet and just wanted to ask if anyone else feels pretty secluded when they go to mummy and toddler groups... I feel like I'm always trying to make the effort and small talk with other mums and they just don't really bother back as they've already come with their own friends. It's a pretty new area to me also and I'm already feeling sad as I'm far away from my friends who have babies/toddlers! But I guess I just want to see if anyone else feels the same...it's unfortunate when the only conversation with other mums is all about competitiveness and how their child is going to the best preschool and only eating organic food etc... a lot of pressure and not making some friends is pretty disheartening

[bramblina]

That's tough, Vee. I didn't experience that as I live in a small community but I know what you mean. Perhaps you could look for a different group? Or another sort of group? Massage class etc. Perhaps your health visitor could advise?

[SparklyMagpie]

I have literally just randomly been thinking back to when my DS was a little younger (2.9) And I finally braved it and started taking him to the playgroup at the local church. I'd developed so much anxiety about going out just the two of us,so it was a big thing for me to bite the bullet

We stopped going, I felt exactly like you, I'd try my best to spark up conversations but it always ended up being me sat on the floor playing with DS and talking to the little ones if they came over

I have never felt so excluded :( we have more fun getting out and about now and he goes to nursery where he absolutely loves it and I get on well with the staff,so he hasn't missed out on much

Don't know what to suggest,but yes I remember the feeling all to well and remember the guilt I felt for not taking him

[SparklyMagpie]

I also remember praying new mum's would arrive so I had someone to talk to and have a chat with who might have felt how I did

I never have problems talking to new people so it really was a kick in the stomach, you could just see all the group's who were best friends and wouldn't want to welcome anyone new

I'd maybe look into any other groups or a class? Or maybe even soft play

So sorry to hear you feel like this though, I'd have taken you under my wing :)

[bookmum08]

Have you been to ones like singing groups at a local library. As the aim is to sing some nursery rhymes you don't get so much of the chatting /bragging. You can 'fake' it a bit with some of the conversations - if they are talking about pre schools and you are new to the area then say that "I am new around here, what are the best schools/parks /play areas /cafes that don't mind kids". Sometimes you may find yourself just nodding and smiling but just take a deep breath and join in. A lot of chats will be stop/start as other mums have to go rescue their (genius) baby from the crawling tunnel!

[WhatWillGeorgeDo]

Ugh - it can be hard, particularly if it happens more than once. If you feel you can, maybe try some different groups (there’s a hall near me where the group that uses it on a Friday has a completely different feel to the one on a Monday)! I’ve heard good things about the Mush app for finding other local mums and meeting up and also have seen plenty of posts on my local FB groups where people say that they are looking to build up a bit of a network of people with children similar ages and ask if anyone wants to meet up in a cafe or at a toddler group. It is really hard and having to be the proactive one doesn’t come naturally to me but once you have built up a little group of people with enough in common that you can get past the same small talk each week it does get easier! Good luck!

[Vee24]

Thanks for all the replies guys! Means a lot... can get really lonely! And it's hard when normally I'm such a bubbly and talkative person... I'm happy to spark conversation/ try new groups etc... as for some of the mums I've met ... if I ask them what school they are sending their little ones they don't say... they just say how lucky they are to get a place :/

[Vee24]

Thank you!! That makes me feel like I'm not alone :(
I'll definitely keep trying other groups
Let's hope I come across someone nice and relaxed!! And who won't talk or compete ... sigh

[SparklyMagpie]

If you want OP, PM and let me know where abouts you are. If you're not far I'd be happy to come meet you :)