DD making me feel guilty

[jinglebells123]

.. that she doesn’t have a sibling.

Not intentionally- she’s only 3 and not quite that manipulative yet.

I’ve always swung between being happy with one to my wanting to give dd a sibling- I’m under no illusion that it would be for her benefit rather than mine!

She’s obsessed with the idea of having a sister! Calls her friends her sisters. Asks why she doesn’t have a sister and while I know it’s just the innocent ramblings of a toddler, every time she does it I die a little in side and feel like a rubbish mum.

Financially we can afford 2 even if I have to drop a few hours at work. Our house is big enough but I feel like I have my life back now and seeing friends trying to juggle two kids doesn’t exactly sell me on the idea of having another.

I’ll sometimes be in the middle of doing something (usually when I’m feeling harassed) and try to imagine what it would be like with another child to deal with an it just seems like it would be so hard that my mental health would suffer!

I just wish I was a better and more selfless mother who could give my dd what she wants - or that my brother and sister would get a move on and have kids then she’s have baby cousins to play with which would help matters.

How do you cope with the guilt and explain to them why they are an only? Once she’s older I can tell her that I did try but it didn’t happen (3 mc’s and several months of trying but not conceiving) but she’s a bit young for that now!!

[MaGratgarlik1983]

Oh it's hard isn't it?! DS is 2.5 and started asking. I think I might want another. DH not too keen as worried about money, stress, etc. Honestly, I love it with jyst DS, we can spend time and money with him, but I do feel guilty as I'm an only and wanted a sibling on and off. Note that I didn't complain about the amazing holidays and having a pony as an only child!! I think I'll probably say, as he gets older, that we think he is our entire world and we're so happy as we are.

[justanotheruser18]

You are doing the right thing by you. For your health and happiness. Which is what will impact of your child's happiness most, not whether she has a sibling. Don't have another child to give her a sibling. Have another child only if YOU want one.

Your lovely daughter doesn't know what she's rambling about. Invite her pals over for lots of 'sister' time. Keep her occupied. I think It is v common for little ones to ask for siblings at her age, especially if their friends are having new additions to their families.

You could always go into her room in the middle of the night and play the sound of a screaming baby for half an hour. See how she likes that. And then maybe ignore her all the next day except for putting on cartoons and saying 'in a minute I just have to feed the baby'. She probably won't want a sibling after that.

[AsAProfessionalFekko]

DS wanted a crocodile that age.

We didn't get him one.

[Hatchee]

When DD was younger (she's seven now), she asked all the time. But of course, she watched TV programmes where siblings have fun together. She went to friends' houses where there'd be cute little baby siblings. She wanted something that to her mind looked like a fun playtime, not the actual experience of having a sibling. (Also, she only ever wanted a sister, never a brother. Good luck with that.)
Several years later, I'm so glad we did what we did. She's thriving, she has plenty of friends and we don't hear about sisters anymore.

[Cduck]

asaprofessionalfekko - 😂 yes! So so true 😂