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If you thought you would just have just one child for a long time did you change your mind?

(54 Posts)
fortunatepiggy1 Thu 12-Apr-18 08:18:22

And if so how do you feel now?

There are lots of posters struggling with the decision of whether or not to go for a second

Lots of previous posters have also started threads on this.. can you share with us what you decided and how you feel now?

TrappedWind Wed 25-Apr-18 15:17:39

I've read your threads before fortunate!

Sorry to hear you're still deliberating. It's a really hard decision, mine is only 3 and I'm 90% sure I'm happy with one but there is always a niggling doubt.

Having said that I really do not want to be pregnant, birth or deal with a baby and toddler again as it's bloody hard.

Most of my friends with kids of the same age are sticking at 1 so it's definitely more common these days.

MyRunMyPace Wed 25-Apr-18 15:21:41

We thought we'd have two children, but I never felt the urge to have another one, so we didn't. We're all happy as we are ☺️. I vaguely wonder about whether we should have had another one, but it feels more theoretical rather than emotional.

LalaLeona Thu 26-Apr-18 11:52:24

If you've no urge apart from the odd twinge than that's wonderful I would stay as you are, why not? But if it's upsetting you to the point of thinking about it constantly, might as well give it a go. smile

fortunatepiggy1 Thu 26-Apr-18 14:06:31

I think about it every day Lala! I think that's my answer!

GreenEyedGoose Thu 26-Apr-18 14:13:04

I thought we'd stick with one. I can remember people asking me when DD1 was 3 if we were going to have another one and I would reply, not sure. Which to me meant no as if I wasn't sure I shouldn't do it.

I did decide to go for dc2 as I wanted dd1 to have a sibling and of course was happy to go through it all again. Lots of people say on here giving your dc a sibling is no reason but it's a good enough reason as 'I had an urge for another one' confused

My family feels complete now. Dd2 is such a character and there was something missing that I hadn't realised until she came along.

There's nearly 5 years between dd1 and dd2 which for us has been perfect. But dd1 is a gentle soul and happy to play with dd2 who is obsessed with dd1 grin

mustbemad17 Thu 26-Apr-18 14:18:07

I always wanted 3 (i'm one of 3). Then i had DD & immediately said no more, for various reasons. Kept up that resolve until DD was 5 aaaand now pregnant with DS 🙈 i am excited, but i can actually say hand on heart now that this is most definitely the last one!!

Gotakeahike Thu 26-Apr-18 14:21:41

We have a 7 year gap through choice. We were very happy with one and where we were in life wasn't conducive to going through babyhood again. Until it was. Honestly, going though sleepless nights, diapers, toddlerhood, etc. has its challenges and I won't do it again, but I personally am able to cope much better this time. There is a benefit to being able to see that you've managed to raise at least a somewhat reasonable human for a number of years that allows you to better let things roll off your back. We couldn't imagine our lives without ds2 now. That said, although I wouldn't make a different decision, I think we would have been happy as a party of 3 as well.

fortunatepiggy1 Fri 27-Apr-18 08:02:37

I think thats it gotakeahike we will probably be happy either way.. I just can't stop thinking about it

BuntyII Wed 16-May-18 08:17:08

I was adamant I would only have one. DS is now 1 and I wish he had somebody to play with and have a special bond with. And I don't feel that I'm done. So we are having another.

justanotheruser18 Mon 21-May-18 15:16:34

Well, I thought I wanted 4 children pre baby 1. Had baby 1, immediately knew I couldn't handle another. 9 months on there is no change in that department. Wish I could glimpse the future. I wonder if it'll stay this way. Our perfect little triangle.

fortunatepiggy1 Tue 22-May-18 08:08:17

Good for you justanother .. glad to hear you are happy with your decision

Treaclepie19 Sun 03-Jun-18 15:12:23

We're in a similar boat... one child 2.9...
I can't stop thinking about having another but it would be a bad idea in terms of metal health. We have the money, space and love... it's driving me cuckoo.

PasstheStarmix Tue 05-Jun-18 16:40:08

One child 15 months old and I have the back and forth question of will we have another everyday. Recently we have decided to go for it in the not too distant future. I’m still hoping it is the right decision though as I’ve had a rough ride first time around. It’s do exhausting! I have figured that two should entertain each other eventually meaning lie ins for me and dh and alittle ‘me time.’ With one it’s easier at first but with with two it maybe becomes easier over time I suppose.

PasstheStarmix Tue 05-Jun-18 16:40:27

so*

fortunatepiggy1 Thu 07-Jun-18 20:05:30

Gotakeahike. .. how have you found the gap of 7 years? was your older child ok? I am pretty sure we we will have to at least give it a go for me to make peace with my decision and let nature decide but I am scared of it not working and also of it working at the same time!

Sabulous Thu 07-Jun-18 20:20:07

If you're thinking about it every day I think you have your answer. And as long as your partner is on board, go for it!
We have always said that we only wanted the one child, since before DD was born, but at the beginning of the year we decided to try for number 2. We weren't sure if it would happen or not tbh, so we went for it! DD will be 6 when #2 arrives, and while I sometimes worry about how it will effect DD, as she's not into the idea of a sibling, I think we'll be ok smile

Cath2907 Thu 14-Jun-18 16:06:27

DD is 7.5 and I am nearly 41. I always said my "no turn back" mark was aged 40. I have extended it in my head to 45 but to be 100% honest there is no way I am having more kids. I am blissfully happy being mum to 1. DH doesn't want more, DD doesn't want siblings. The dog doesn't get a vote.

shelikesemwithamoustache Thu 14-Jun-18 16:21:58

I suspect, if you are so undecided, that whatever decision you make it will be the right one.

I never wanted kids particularly, got accidentally pregnant and went for it. 5 years later, after to-ing and fro-ing, had another one BUT sticking at one would have been fine too. I think the first would have been as happy as an only as he is with a sibling. I do know now that there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I would want another so perhaps the 2nd was the final nail in the coffin. Two is my limit and now I can't want for them to leave home!

What I'm trying to say is that if you don't feel a strong pull, I reckon you'll be as happy either way.

fortunatepiggy1 Tue 19-Jun-18 16:33:23

It's just so hard to close the door on it though isn't it ? I always thought I would have two children.... but the reality has been very hard and I haven't been brave enough to try for another until now so that must tell me something

I'm just not sure it's the right thing to do but I'm also not sure it isn't!!!

fortunatepiggy1 Sun 29-Jul-18 19:07:03

Re-reading this as having a reflective day! Good advice Shelik!

fortunatepiggy1 Sat 01-Sep-18 20:37:47

Thanks for all the responses on this thread

Made me feel like constantly thinking about it like I do is not as mad as I thought

abbie7 Wed 05-Sep-18 18:27:39

I never thought I'd have any and got pregnant young with my DS. I said I didn't want any more after I'd had him, and only changed my mind in the past couple of months!

fortunatepiggy1 Thu 06-Sep-18 17:58:07

So are you going to go for it Abbie?

abbie7 Thu 06-Sep-18 18:10:19

I'm not 100% yet but we've decided we might start trying at the start of next year! smile I feel like it's been a bigger decision deciding whether to have a 2nd than it was having a 1st!!!

fortunatepiggy1 Fri 07-Sep-18 16:30:03

Good luck Abbie with whatever you decide

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