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If you thought you would just have just one child for a long time did you change your mind?

(54 Posts)
fortunatepiggy1 Thu 12-Apr-18 08:18:22

And if so how do you feel now?

There are lots of posters struggling with the decision of whether or not to go for a second

Lots of previous posters have also started threads on this.. can you share with us what you decided and how you feel now?

Scoleah Thu 12-Apr-18 08:30:01

I never thought I'd have any! I was always the person that said I'd never have Kids!
Had my DD in 2009, then went another 7 years before finding out I was Pregnant again. I went through all the Guilt of "am I doing the right thing, my daughters going to not have me all to herself anymore " but it's actually Been Amazing. My DD is like a Little Mum, and their bond is so Special to see! I'm glad I left the biggish Gap though! Makes things so much easier!

AjasLipstick Thu 12-Apr-18 08:30:31

I thought about when DH and I die and how DD1 would be left to deal with that alone with no sibling support. I know there's no guarantee of support but having no sibling seemed lonelier to face the death of parents.

fortunatepiggy1 Thu 12-Apr-18 10:23:29

Thanks

Yes that's always a worry of mine

Ds has no cousins and elderly grandparents so if dh and I pop our clogs he will be well and truly alone

But I hope that won't happen until he is much older and has a family of his own
I keep telling myself If it happens sooner having a younger sibling to also look after isn't going to make it any easier for him...

InspiredByIntegrity Thu 12-Apr-18 10:30:41

No. We're happy as a family unit of three. DS is 14 and knows I had a tough time having him. He has never lamented the lack of a sibling & has plenty of cousins that we see.

CMOTDibbler Thu 12-Apr-18 10:32:46

My DS is 11 now, and I'm still happy that he is an only (as is DH). He seems quite happy too, and as for the future I know only too well that having siblings is no guarantee of support with elderly/unwell parents

fortunatepiggy1 Thu 12-Apr-18 18:20:38

Good to hear you are happy. I think I will be too but there is always this voice in my head saying are you sure? It'll be too late to change your mind soon..

Wellhellothere1 Sat 14-Apr-18 14:17:48

No I’ve never changed my mind. It took us a few years to conceive our DS and I’m a bit older (36 when I had him, I’m 43 now). I’ve had times when it’s played on my mind and I’ve felt guilty but all parents feel guilty don’t they? My son at the moment has no desire for a sibling, and even if he did it wouldn’t change our decision as I feel we can be be much better parents to just one than having to deal with having another. I’m one of 3 and not close to my siblings at all. In fact I haven’t spoken to my sister for about 8 years as she has caused my mum and the rest of the family so much stress (alcohol, drugs, violence etc). If anything happened to my parents my siblings will be no help to me whatsoever. I won’t be alone-I have my own family and friends and I wish this for my DS too.
I also think you really can’t regret decisions made with the best intentions at the time. I think you must be driving yourself mad OP-I see posts from you a lot here. I’ve suggested it before to you but I found therapy really helpful for what I was going through at the time with my my family size choice and circumstance. Maybe that would help you too? I think life is short and we should enjoy what we have instead of wondering ‘what if’ all the time. Good luck.

76mum Sat 14-Apr-18 14:28:27

We only had one and took so long to get pregnant we assumed we would only have one. I loved having one and giving him lots of attention and experiences. Then when he was 5 we found out I was pregnant. Now we have 3 another unplanned pregnancy. We love it and feel so lucky to have 3. Totally not what we ever imagined as I'm not a baby person!

fortunatepiggy1 Sun 15-Apr-18 11:13:34

Wellhellothere.. I am driving myself mad! I did try therapy but they said to wait and see how I felt in 6 months to a years time.. I cant afford to do that.. maybe I should find a day different therapist!

I'm glad you have no regrets.. I hope I won't too!

MelanieSmooter Sun 15-Apr-18 11:17:05

I’m an only and DM never doubted her decision or wobbled. TBH I suspect she wouldn’t have had any if I hadn’t happened (I was an accident). I won’t say I was happy with it and I’m still not but for her it was perfect.

QueenOfMyWorld Sun 15-Apr-18 11:19:32

Not if used class as a long time but my ds is 4 and we aren't having any more through choice.I don't want to go through labour again and also I'm 38 and feel that my baby making days are done.We are v happy with this decision

QueenOfMyWorld Sun 15-Apr-18 11:20:23

*Not sure if you'd class

spinningseas Sun 15-Apr-18 11:44:22

I had one child for a long time and now I'm pg with DC2, DS will be 19 when she is born. DS is very happy to be a big brother but he has never longed for a sibling, so I don't think he has missed out on having one when he was growing up. It's worked out well for us as I'll be able to offer them both the attention and resources you can shower on an only child, but in the future they'll have each other as siblings when dealing with elderly parents etc. We're quite lucky as DS has lots of cousins who all live locally as well, so there will be lots of family support for them.

fortunatepiggy1 Sun 15-Apr-18 21:38:53

Congrats spinningseas!

NotTheMrMenAgain Sun 15-Apr-18 22:30:30

DD is 9 and wonderful. But we've never had the slightest urge for another. I'm not interested in doing pregnancy, labour and the baby stage again. DD thrives as an only child and is not impressed if anyone ever asks if she wants a sibling.

fortunatepiggy1 Mon 16-Apr-18 22:59:52

Good to hear notthemrmen!

MadameJosephine Mon 16-Apr-18 23:04:32

I met DD’s dad when DS was 10. It had been the two of us since he was 2 years old and I’d never hankered after another until I met my new partner. It then took 5 years to conceive so her big brother was 16 by the time she was born. She’s 5 now and he’s 21 but even though there’s a big gap they are very close.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity Fri 20-Apr-18 10:37:44

If you're driving yourself this crazy and you are in a position to have another then would it be such a bad idea? The what-ifs seem to be mountains so why not?

LalaLeona Fri 20-Apr-18 21:31:37

2 kids 9 year gap. Yes I agree with above poster if it's driving you crazy go with your gut feeling and do it sooner rather than later. I waited 2 years toing and throwing about the idea wish I'd just gone for it a bit sooner..maybe had a 7 year gap. If you're happy and complete with one that's fine but if somethings niggling at you then there's a reason for that.

fortunatepiggy1 Sat 21-Apr-18 09:34:13

What changed your mind lalaleona?

LalaLeona Sat 21-Apr-18 11:07:05

Just felt like the urge was all consuming and driving me mad tbh! Couldn't stop thinking and talking about having another, kept feeling really tearful about it. So in the end dh and I just decided to do something about it. Prior to trying I'd tried everything to stop the urge to have more including getting a dog (I know it sounds silly but I thought having a pup to look after might take my mind of it!) As lovely and as big a part of the family the dog is I still wanted a baby. Must have been my pesky hormones! Lol

LalaLeona Sat 21-Apr-18 11:08:10

In short I felt just how you do but for a long time and in the end just got sick of it and did something about it.

fortunatepiggy1 Sat 21-Apr-18 18:04:53

I've been thinking about it for 3 years Lala!

It's driving me mad ( and dh!) I may as well have sleepless nights with a baby as I am having sleepless night worrying about it anyway!

kellie92 Tue 24-Apr-18 16:59:10

i'm still adamant that i am only having one child, my son is almost 7. i occasionally get little twitches that he wont have any siblings to bond with but i am so happy we only have one. i am still youngish (25) and a lot of people are pushing me to have another but i'm so happy as i am.

TrappedWind Wed 25-Apr-18 15:17:39

I've read your threads before fortunate!

Sorry to hear you're still deliberating. It's a really hard decision, mine is only 3 and I'm 90% sure I'm happy with one but there is always a niggling doubt.

Having said that I really do not want to be pregnant, birth or deal with a baby and toddler again as it's bloody hard.

Most of my friends with kids of the same age are sticking at 1 so it's definitely more common these days.

MyRunMyPace Wed 25-Apr-18 15:21:41

We thought we'd have two children, but I never felt the urge to have another one, so we didn't. We're all happy as we are ☺️. I vaguely wonder about whether we should have had another one, but it feels more theoretical rather than emotional.

LalaLeona Thu 26-Apr-18 11:52:24

If you've no urge apart from the odd twinge than that's wonderful I would stay as you are, why not? But if it's upsetting you to the point of thinking about it constantly, might as well give it a go. smile

fortunatepiggy1 Thu 26-Apr-18 14:06:31

I think about it every day Lala! I think that's my answer!

GreenEyedGoose Thu 26-Apr-18 14:13:04

I thought we'd stick with one. I can remember people asking me when DD1 was 3 if we were going to have another one and I would reply, not sure. Which to me meant no as if I wasn't sure I shouldn't do it.

I did decide to go for dc2 as I wanted dd1 to have a sibling and of course was happy to go through it all again. Lots of people say on here giving your dc a sibling is no reason but it's a good enough reason as 'I had an urge for another one' confused

My family feels complete now. Dd2 is such a character and there was something missing that I hadn't realised until she came along.

There's nearly 5 years between dd1 and dd2 which for us has been perfect. But dd1 is a gentle soul and happy to play with dd2 who is obsessed with dd1 grin

mustbemad17 Thu 26-Apr-18 14:18:07

I always wanted 3 (i'm one of 3). Then i had DD & immediately said no more, for various reasons. Kept up that resolve until DD was 5 aaaand now pregnant with DS 🙈 i am excited, but i can actually say hand on heart now that this is most definitely the last one!!

Gotakeahike Thu 26-Apr-18 14:21:41

We have a 7 year gap through choice. We were very happy with one and where we were in life wasn't conducive to going through babyhood again. Until it was. Honestly, going though sleepless nights, diapers, toddlerhood, etc. has its challenges and I won't do it again, but I personally am able to cope much better this time. There is a benefit to being able to see that you've managed to raise at least a somewhat reasonable human for a number of years that allows you to better let things roll off your back. We couldn't imagine our lives without ds2 now. That said, although I wouldn't make a different decision, I think we would have been happy as a party of 3 as well.

fortunatepiggy1 Fri 27-Apr-18 08:02:37

I think thats it gotakeahike we will probably be happy either way.. I just can't stop thinking about it

BuntyII Wed 16-May-18 08:17:08

I was adamant I would only have one. DS is now 1 and I wish he had somebody to play with and have a special bond with. And I don't feel that I'm done. So we are having another.

justanotheruser18 Mon 21-May-18 15:16:34

Well, I thought I wanted 4 children pre baby 1. Had baby 1, immediately knew I couldn't handle another. 9 months on there is no change in that department. Wish I could glimpse the future. I wonder if it'll stay this way. Our perfect little triangle.

fortunatepiggy1 Tue 22-May-18 08:08:17

Good for you justanother .. glad to hear you are happy with your decision

Treaclepie19 Sun 03-Jun-18 15:12:23

We're in a similar boat... one child 2.9...
I can't stop thinking about having another but it would be a bad idea in terms of metal health. We have the money, space and love... it's driving me cuckoo.

PasstheStarmix Tue 05-Jun-18 16:40:08

One child 15 months old and I have the back and forth question of will we have another everyday. Recently we have decided to go for it in the not too distant future. I’m still hoping it is the right decision though as I’ve had a rough ride first time around. It’s do exhausting! I have figured that two should entertain each other eventually meaning lie ins for me and dh and alittle ‘me time.’ With one it’s easier at first but with with two it maybe becomes easier over time I suppose.

PasstheStarmix Tue 05-Jun-18 16:40:27

so*

fortunatepiggy1 Thu 07-Jun-18 20:05:30

Gotakeahike. .. how have you found the gap of 7 years? was your older child ok? I am pretty sure we we will have to at least give it a go for me to make peace with my decision and let nature decide but I am scared of it not working and also of it working at the same time!

Sabulous Thu 07-Jun-18 20:20:07

If you're thinking about it every day I think you have your answer. And as long as your partner is on board, go for it!
We have always said that we only wanted the one child, since before DD was born, but at the beginning of the year we decided to try for number 2. We weren't sure if it would happen or not tbh, so we went for it! DD will be 6 when #2 arrives, and while I sometimes worry about how it will effect DD, as she's not into the idea of a sibling, I think we'll be ok smile

Cath2907 Thu 14-Jun-18 16:06:27

DD is 7.5 and I am nearly 41. I always said my "no turn back" mark was aged 40. I have extended it in my head to 45 but to be 100% honest there is no way I am having more kids. I am blissfully happy being mum to 1. DH doesn't want more, DD doesn't want siblings. The dog doesn't get a vote.

shelikesemwithamoustache Thu 14-Jun-18 16:21:58

I suspect, if you are so undecided, that whatever decision you make it will be the right one.

I never wanted kids particularly, got accidentally pregnant and went for it. 5 years later, after to-ing and fro-ing, had another one BUT sticking at one would have been fine too. I think the first would have been as happy as an only as he is with a sibling. I do know now that there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I would want another so perhaps the 2nd was the final nail in the coffin. Two is my limit and now I can't want for them to leave home!

What I'm trying to say is that if you don't feel a strong pull, I reckon you'll be as happy either way.

fortunatepiggy1 Tue 19-Jun-18 16:33:23

It's just so hard to close the door on it though isn't it ? I always thought I would have two children.... but the reality has been very hard and I haven't been brave enough to try for another until now so that must tell me something

I'm just not sure it's the right thing to do but I'm also not sure it isn't!!!

fortunatepiggy1 Sun 29-Jul-18 19:07:03

Re-reading this as having a reflective day! Good advice Shelik!

fortunatepiggy1 Sat 01-Sep-18 20:37:47

Thanks for all the responses on this thread

Made me feel like constantly thinking about it like I do is not as mad as I thought

abbie7 Wed 05-Sep-18 18:27:39

I never thought I'd have any and got pregnant young with my DS. I said I didn't want any more after I'd had him, and only changed my mind in the past couple of months!

fortunatepiggy1 Thu 06-Sep-18 17:58:07

So are you going to go for it Abbie?

abbie7 Thu 06-Sep-18 18:10:19

I'm not 100% yet but we've decided we might start trying at the start of next year! smile I feel like it's been a bigger decision deciding whether to have a 2nd than it was having a 1st!!!

fortunatepiggy1 Fri 07-Sep-18 16:30:03

Good luck Abbie with whatever you decide

sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch Thu 18-Oct-18 14:17:59

@fortunatepiggy1 hi OP. What did you decide?

fortuntatepiggy1 Sat 27-Oct-18 20:54:32

Hi

Time has made the decision for me I fear. I have dithered too long and now it's too late. Dh is not keen.. feels we are too old and age gap too big but I think would be perfectly happy if it did happen....we have half heartedly tried but nothing has happened . I feel better that I have at least tried ( even thought I haven't really) that absolves some responsibility I think!

I am very happy with our perfect family but I will always wonder what if...

MumUnderTheMoon Sun 16-Dec-18 01:37:58

My daughter is almost 12 and I haven't wavered in my decision since I made it when she was one. Before that I thought I might like another and investigated adoption as I didn't want to get pregnant again but in the end I decided that my dd and I were a great wee unit as we were. She's a thoroughly happy only child and doesn't lament the loss of any hypothetical siblings.

MummEE2 Mon 25-Mar-19 10:06:20

I have an 11yo DD and my DS is nearly 5 months old. Huge age gap. My DD pretty much grew up as an only child until I changed my mind and decided I want another one or will forever regret and wonder 'what if'. I'm glad I had another one. My DD is happy she's not the only one anymore and loves having a sibling. It's ok to have just the one but for us it's worked out nicely. I also have to say if I'm honest it's been a completely different experience having my second child. Perhaps it's because I'm older now. I'm enjoying everything more than I did when I was younger and had my DD. And my DD is a fantastic helper

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