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If you thought you would just have just one child for a long time did you change your mind?

(54 Posts)
fortunatepiggy1 Thu 12-Apr-18 08:18:22

And if so how do you feel now?

There are lots of posters struggling with the decision of whether or not to go for a second

Lots of previous posters have also started threads on this.. can you share with us what you decided and how you feel now?

Scoleah Thu 12-Apr-18 08:30:01

I never thought I'd have any! I was always the person that said I'd never have Kids!
Had my DD in 2009, then went another 7 years before finding out I was Pregnant again. I went through all the Guilt of "am I doing the right thing, my daughters going to not have me all to herself anymore " but it's actually Been Amazing. My DD is like a Little Mum, and their bond is so Special to see! I'm glad I left the biggish Gap though! Makes things so much easier!

AjasLipstick Thu 12-Apr-18 08:30:31

I thought about when DH and I die and how DD1 would be left to deal with that alone with no sibling support. I know there's no guarantee of support but having no sibling seemed lonelier to face the death of parents.

fortunatepiggy1 Thu 12-Apr-18 10:23:29

Thanks

Yes that's always a worry of mine

Ds has no cousins and elderly grandparents so if dh and I pop our clogs he will be well and truly alone

But I hope that won't happen until he is much older and has a family of his own
I keep telling myself If it happens sooner having a younger sibling to also look after isn't going to make it any easier for him...

InspiredByIntegrity Thu 12-Apr-18 10:30:41

No. We're happy as a family unit of three. DS is 14 and knows I had a tough time having him. He has never lamented the lack of a sibling & has plenty of cousins that we see.

CMOTDibbler Thu 12-Apr-18 10:32:46

My DS is 11 now, and I'm still happy that he is an only (as is DH). He seems quite happy too, and as for the future I know only too well that having siblings is no guarantee of support with elderly/unwell parents

fortunatepiggy1 Thu 12-Apr-18 18:20:38

Good to hear you are happy. I think I will be too but there is always this voice in my head saying are you sure? It'll be too late to change your mind soon..

Wellhellothere1 Sat 14-Apr-18 14:17:48

No I’ve never changed my mind. It took us a few years to conceive our DS and I’m a bit older (36 when I had him, I’m 43 now). I’ve had times when it’s played on my mind and I’ve felt guilty but all parents feel guilty don’t they? My son at the moment has no desire for a sibling, and even if he did it wouldn’t change our decision as I feel we can be be much better parents to just one than having to deal with having another. I’m one of 3 and not close to my siblings at all. In fact I haven’t spoken to my sister for about 8 years as she has caused my mum and the rest of the family so much stress (alcohol, drugs, violence etc). If anything happened to my parents my siblings will be no help to me whatsoever. I won’t be alone-I have my own family and friends and I wish this for my DS too.
I also think you really can’t regret decisions made with the best intentions at the time. I think you must be driving yourself mad OP-I see posts from you a lot here. I’ve suggested it before to you but I found therapy really helpful for what I was going through at the time with my my family size choice and circumstance. Maybe that would help you too? I think life is short and we should enjoy what we have instead of wondering ‘what if’ all the time. Good luck.

76mum Sat 14-Apr-18 14:28:27

We only had one and took so long to get pregnant we assumed we would only have one. I loved having one and giving him lots of attention and experiences. Then when he was 5 we found out I was pregnant. Now we have 3 another unplanned pregnancy. We love it and feel so lucky to have 3. Totally not what we ever imagined as I'm not a baby person!

fortunatepiggy1 Sun 15-Apr-18 11:13:34

Wellhellothere.. I am driving myself mad! I did try therapy but they said to wait and see how I felt in 6 months to a years time.. I cant afford to do that.. maybe I should find a day different therapist!

I'm glad you have no regrets.. I hope I won't too!

MelanieSmooter Sun 15-Apr-18 11:17:05

I’m an only and DM never doubted her decision or wobbled. TBH I suspect she wouldn’t have had any if I hadn’t happened (I was an accident). I won’t say I was happy with it and I’m still not but for her it was perfect.

QueenOfMyWorld Sun 15-Apr-18 11:19:32

Not if used class as a long time but my ds is 4 and we aren't having any more through choice.I don't want to go through labour again and also I'm 38 and feel that my baby making days are done.We are v happy with this decision

QueenOfMyWorld Sun 15-Apr-18 11:20:23

*Not sure if you'd class

spinningseas Sun 15-Apr-18 11:44:22

I had one child for a long time and now I'm pg with DC2, DS will be 19 when she is born. DS is very happy to be a big brother but he has never longed for a sibling, so I don't think he has missed out on having one when he was growing up. It's worked out well for us as I'll be able to offer them both the attention and resources you can shower on an only child, but in the future they'll have each other as siblings when dealing with elderly parents etc. We're quite lucky as DS has lots of cousins who all live locally as well, so there will be lots of family support for them.

fortunatepiggy1 Sun 15-Apr-18 21:38:53

Congrats spinningseas!

NotTheMrMenAgain Sun 15-Apr-18 22:30:30

DD is 9 and wonderful. But we've never had the slightest urge for another. I'm not interested in doing pregnancy, labour and the baby stage again. DD thrives as an only child and is not impressed if anyone ever asks if she wants a sibling.

fortunatepiggy1 Mon 16-Apr-18 22:59:52

Good to hear notthemrmen!

MadameJosephine Mon 16-Apr-18 23:04:32

I met DD’s dad when DS was 10. It had been the two of us since he was 2 years old and I’d never hankered after another until I met my new partner. It then took 5 years to conceive so her big brother was 16 by the time she was born. She’s 5 now and he’s 21 but even though there’s a big gap they are very close.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity Fri 20-Apr-18 10:37:44

If you're driving yourself this crazy and you are in a position to have another then would it be such a bad idea? The what-ifs seem to be mountains so why not?

LalaLeona Fri 20-Apr-18 21:31:37

2 kids 9 year gap. Yes I agree with above poster if it's driving you crazy go with your gut feeling and do it sooner rather than later. I waited 2 years toing and throwing about the idea wish I'd just gone for it a bit sooner..maybe had a 7 year gap. If you're happy and complete with one that's fine but if somethings niggling at you then there's a reason for that.

fortunatepiggy1 Sat 21-Apr-18 09:34:13

What changed your mind lalaleona?

LalaLeona Sat 21-Apr-18 11:07:05

Just felt like the urge was all consuming and driving me mad tbh! Couldn't stop thinking and talking about having another, kept feeling really tearful about it. So in the end dh and I just decided to do something about it. Prior to trying I'd tried everything to stop the urge to have more including getting a dog (I know it sounds silly but I thought having a pup to look after might take my mind of it!) As lovely and as big a part of the family the dog is I still wanted a baby. Must have been my pesky hormones! Lol

LalaLeona Sat 21-Apr-18 11:08:10

In short I felt just how you do but for a long time and in the end just got sick of it and did something about it.

fortunatepiggy1 Sat 21-Apr-18 18:04:53

I've been thinking about it for 3 years Lala!

It's driving me mad ( and dh!) I may as well have sleepless nights with a baby as I am having sleepless night worrying about it anyway!

kellie92 Tue 24-Apr-18 16:59:10

i'm still adamant that i am only having one child, my son is almost 7. i occasionally get little twitches that he wont have any siblings to bond with but i am so happy we only have one. i am still youngish (25) and a lot of people are pushing me to have another but i'm so happy as i am.

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