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The Importance of the Self

(2 Posts)
justanotheruser18 Mon 12-Feb-18 07:45:41


I have a young only, still in infancy, and I'm fairly certain that my reproductive region is closed for business now. It seems strange to love my tiny human so dearly and to have enjoyed the process of parenting so much (..most of the time :| - well, except for those harrowing first few weeks) and yet never want to 'go through it' again.

Do other parents feel this way? That once was all you needed? That you just didn't want any more children?

I've already sold some of my baby's earliest bits and pieces: clothes, cloth carriers, milestone cards, maternity dresses, that sort of thing. The next item on the list of things to sell is the crib, which has really always just been a dumping ground for books, tissues, blankets etc in our bedroom. Our baby rarely slept away from us, anyway, so I don't feel sentimental about parting with these things.

I'm reading a book called Parenting an Only Child by Dr Susan Newman. It's fairly dated but the points she raises about the 'issues' that can come with raising an only remain true today. She argues that it is especially important for parents of onlies to have lives of their own, hobbies, interests, passions to focus on besides their son or daughter, otherwise there is too much of a risk of the parent living through their child.

Do you find that as a parent of an only you have more time for yourself, your work, your interests than your peers with more than one child, or not really? Was this deliberate? Something you always wanted or did it just happen?

I kind of want to find a balance between being a doting mother and being myself.

Milla86 Mon 12-Feb-18 22:01:03

I feel so similar! Mine is nearing two and I don't yet feel the urge to have another. Life is lovely and I really value the time I get to myself now, as does my husband. We feel the same and have agreed to review every six months or so to be sure we are still on the same page, expecting to reach a point where that's no longer necessary if that makes sense. I think I can be a good parent to one but with more I would be always stressed and crave alone time?! I don't know if this makes me selfish? Other people around me seem to know they will have a second, it's just a question of when but I don't feel like that. I'm just following my instincts I guess! I am conscious of potential down sides for my child but hope to be able to counteract those with other advantages. I work part time and feel like I have a delicate balance between being a parent, keeping a career going and just about keeping on top of house stuff and seeing family and friends. I don't want to tip that balance. So yes, I think I feel the same!

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