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It's harder with more than one

(27 Posts)
dragonwarrior Wed 25-Oct-17 17:35:58

I am reaching the point whereby almost every parent we know has one or more children and I am getting to the end of my tether with “it’s so much harder with two” types comments from everyone like they are a martyr and my life is a walk in the park.

I imagine it is probably harder to schedule more than one BUT (in the most part) they chose to have more than one so I struggle to sympathise with them.

At some point I will slip and bite someone’s head off I feel. How do you get past these comments and do people EVER stop saying it to you?

dragonwarrior Wed 25-Oct-17 17:36:25

Obviously I mean more than one not one or more

HamNJam Wed 25-Oct-17 17:38:37

I didn't choose to have twins, and am an only child and I would agree that it's harder with more than one in some ways and easier in others. Horses for courses, as with much of parenting flowers

Madreputa Wed 25-Oct-17 17:41:43

In a way it's easier to have two or more kids because they play together a lot, especially if they are the same gender and closer in age. One kid can be a lot more hard work as they get bored alone.

dragonwarrior Wed 25-Oct-17 17:42:43

I did say in the most part because I understand twins aren’t planned.

And again I did say that I appreciate it probably can be more difficult but they way people say it is as if I don’t know I have lived when again, in the most part, they chose to have more than one, like I chose to only have one.

ThePinkPanter Wed 25-Oct-17 17:58:22

It's bound to be a lot more difficult than one though. Imagine potty training and supervising homework at the same shock Much harder than one or the other. It's just logic. In the same way whilst I undoubtedly have stresses and life ain't always a picnic, I have less things to stress about and physically fit in if I also had kids to consider.

Waitingonasmile Wed 25-Oct-17 18:23:28

I can totally understand it's annoying when people make you feel your life isn't difficult, and make out their problems are worse. However I don't understand your logic with them choosing to have more children. You also chose to have one child, therefore should you not be allowed to complain? Should people struggle to sympathise with you because you made the decision to have a child???

I do understand why it's annoying but also think you are being unfair.

FaFoutis Wed 25-Oct-17 18:32:10

Decisions are irrelevant. If you choose to do something difficult you are still allowed to say it is difficult.

Frustratedboarder Wed 25-Oct-17 18:46:30

I don't understand this at all - why exactly do you need to 'get past it'? As in, why do you find it so annoying?! It seems from your post that your agree that having one child Is not as hard as two so why Do you feel you have to make out you're having a tough time as well?? 🤔 Or feel your parenting skills are any less for only having one child??!

If I were you I'd just nod and smile smugly but sympathetically... Our if you really feel you need to Offset it in someway Just say something about it being swings and roundabouts and leave it at that?

For what it's worth I'm occasionally guilty of moaning to my single DC friends about the passions of having two... Yes I chose to have two but I genuinely (& definitely naively) didn't realise how much harder I would find it!

mimiholls Wed 25-Oct-17 18:49:46

Just because they chose it doesn't mean it's not difficult. And it may be a lot more difficult than they ever thought it would be. Personally I would sympathise and think myself lucky I only have one.

lightcola Wed 25-Oct-17 18:51:58

I used to have one. I now have two. It's harder with two. They are on different routines so I get no break with naps etc. One of them is guaranteed to wake at night. Finding activities that suits them both as a bit of an age gap. Giving each of them enough attention, especially ifs one needs it more than the other. I still found it hard at times with one.

AdalindSchade Wed 25-Oct-17 18:55:01

Why do you care?!
It is harder with 2, and the fact that they sometimes play together doesn't negate the additional expense, driving to activities, refereeing arguments etc etc etc
Own your choices and your circumstances. So you have one child - great! Don't let anyone else's views on your life make you feel bad.

RavingRoo Wed 25-Oct-17 18:56:58

I hate how raising kids becomes a competition.

RavingRoo Wed 25-Oct-17 18:59:02

@AdalindSchade - not if there’s a 5 year or more age gap it’s not. My 10 yo neice does practically everything for 5 yo nephew - including helping with homework, biking him to friends, and fixing up quick teas while the parents raise the baby as if it’s an only child.

Droogan Wed 25-Oct-17 18:59:14

Can you just agree with them, and say how glad you are that you stopped at one?

ladystarkers Wed 25-Oct-17 18:59:37

Decisions are irrelevant. If you choose to do something difficult you are still allowed to say it is difficult.

^^This

Op you sound very touchy. People are probably just making coversation. I get comments all the time about having 4.🙄

Apileofballyhoo Wed 25-Oct-17 19:07:20

I have one, my friend has 3 and my other friend has 5. The one with five often makes 'but you only have one' - even though her eldest 3 are very helpful, cook meals and babysit the younger ones etc - and the one with 3 often says she thinks having one is harder as they have no company at home other than their parents. I think myself one is quite hard for this reason, but it's easier in other ways obviously. DS himself sees advantages and disadvantages too!

AdalindSchade Wed 25-Oct-17 19:10:02

My 10 yo neice does practically everything for 5 yo nephew - including helping with homework, biking him to friends, and fixing up quick teas while the parents raise the baby as if it’s an only child

Umm that's not really a recommendation hmm

LurkingQuietly Wed 25-Oct-17 19:21:27

Are you struggling with secondary infertility OP?

SpottyGecko Wed 25-Oct-17 19:32:45

I have a 5yo and a 13 month old. At the moment two is harder than one. Baby needs to nap, more rigid with meal times etc. I have double drop offs at two separate places on the days I work. Baby has been in nursery this week, so I've definitely seen the difference only having my "easy" 5 yo to look after.

I'm an only child and someone warned my mum never to just have one as one is so much harder as no sibling company.

I'm hoping my two will get easier as they get older and can hopefully play together and entertain each other.

But at the moment two is definitely harder - for me personally, at this stage in their childhood.

FruHagen Wed 25-Oct-17 19:36:27

I suggest you look on the bright side of this- when someone tells me they have a much harder time than me in any realm of my life my reaction is one of happiness.

Stop looking for something that’s not there, some slight you think other people are making because you have one child. If you genuinely come across someone who thinks you are less of a parent or less in touch with parenting because of that fact simply avoid them.

It’s hard whatever but hardship is not a badge of how much of the parenting experience you know.

littleducks Wed 25-Oct-17 19:41:08

I'm a bit confused. Of course more than one is harder than one. Even if some things can be doubled up, most things will need to be done twice. There's more of a mental load as you have to worry about two people instead of one.

onemorecakeplease Wed 25-Oct-17 19:46:25

It's so much easier with two most of the time! They play together and they've got a friend for life!

The only time it sucks is when one gets ill and then the other - can be a long haul.

Ttbb Wed 25-Oct-17 19:48:33

I think that it depends on the children. It would be easier to have two 'easy' children that one really difficult one but all things being equal, yes, obviously it's much, much harder.

SpikeGilesSandwich Wed 25-Oct-17 20:57:48

Not everyone with one child made that choice. I'd love so much to have more that it hurts and I cry when my DS grows out of things as there will be no one to pass them down to. I know he will be lonely, I'm sick of people telling me. I'd love the extra hard work of more children but I'll never get to feel how exhaustive and terrible it is. Lucky me.

Sorry for the rant, I need to avoid this subject as it's a sore point.

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