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DD is desperately lonely 😢

(9 Posts)
WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman Sun 15-Oct-17 14:33:21

DD is 7. I split up with her dad when she was a baby so never managed to have a second. I have a new DP but he's older and has adult children so, as lovely as it would be to have a baby with him it just wouldn't work for us.

Recently DD has been saying that she really wants a baby brother or sister because she wishes she could have someone to play with. She doesn't seem to get/mind that there would be a big age gap if I were to have another one now and that it would be ages before any sibling were old enough to play.

We live rurally and she goes to a small school which makes friendships limited. It's extremely rare for her to get invited to play (she's well liked at school and has friends but nothing's really forthcoming) and we have limited opportunities for hosting friends here due to me working full time and therefore not having after school opportunities. Weekends often end up either busy or a time when I just want to be able to relax at home and not want people over. I get that I could do with not being so selfish but DD is often exhausted too so needs that down time. When we have invited friends over they're often busy, so basically it's really rare.

Can anyone relate to this and offer words of wisdom? Just to add, she struggles with meeting new people, often being very shy so it's not easy breaking into new groups to expand her social circle.

I just wish she could be happier sad

NataliaOsipova Sun 15-Oct-17 14:39:48

Does she have any interests/hobbies? My DD has made some "outside school" friends from doing ballet; one of her friends goes to a drama club and has made friends there. I'm sure sporting clubs would offer the same opportunity to meet new friends if that's more her cup of tea.

WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman Sun 15-Oct-17 14:52:15

Unfortunately we're really limited with things like that due to my working hours so I can't physically get her to clubs. We get to swimming once a week by the skin of our teeth. Weekend activities are awkward because of having to see her dad who lives far away.

autumnnightsahoy Sun 15-Oct-17 14:59:55

We had a similar situation with our ds (an only) in reception as his school was very small in a new town.

We ended up moving to the big go-to primary (for various reasons) and he entered year 1 in a 2 form entry year group.

While he doesn't have many play dates or party invites he has lots of friends and always someone to play with at school and after school club. When we are out at the park or town, he always sees people he knows and doesn't seem lonely at all now. He likes the variety of the bigger school and all the different activities and groupings.

It is really difficult though x

WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman Sun 15-Oct-17 15:57:00

Thank you autumn. We are looking at moving to a nearby city possibly next year which will hopefully mean a bigger school and more opportunities. The pathetically heartbreaking bit is that DD hates the idea of moving because of 'all her friends'. At the moment it feels like we're stuck and I really feel for her. Her cousins live hours away and we've just found out that we won't be seeing them over Christmas so she's facing a day of new toys and games with no children to share it with. DP and my parents are all great with her but it's just not the same.

My resolve about not having another baby is weakening wink

Fortunatepiggy Tue 17-Oct-17 18:19:00

But another baby won't be a playmate for your dd for at least another 3 years maybe longer by which time she will be 10 and baby will be 2!

I have every sympathy as I worry that my ds will be lonely too and ive thought about another but am running out of time as I'm 40 and ds is nearly 5 so also wonder how much of a playmate another would be anyway. I think it will in fact be worse for ds because he will have to share us and put up with a little one who cries!

If it's any consolation I was an only child and never felt lonely as a child... only as an adult

Cat2014 Tue 17-Oct-17 18:22:31

I'm going through this with ds at the moment, he's 9 and me and his dad separated last year. When he's at his dads he has friends who he calls for. He has lots of hobbies but he seems lonely at home with me, I have friends over wherever possible but it's hard to see him like that. It's a recent thing here, I'm hoping it will pass. Hugs, it's really tough x

jinglebells123 Thu 16-Nov-17 08:11:15

I think in this case you need to make more of an effort to help dd spend time with friends - i work full time, have a busy life and my own hobbies but because dd is an only I work hard to ensure she has time with friends - sorry but you being tired and just wanting to relax is selfish imo - I'd love more time to relax/get stuff done but I sacrifice that so dd can socialise.

karryk Mon 27-Nov-17 15:40:51

I'm an only child and i definitely went through a phase of asking my parents about having a sibling and this was despite having a best friend who lived a few doors away and who I spent most of my days with. I think it was just something that I eventually grew out of (sorry - not a help for you at the mo) and as I got older I really valued being the only one! I was also very shy. My parents kept me busy with books (I loved reading) and arts and crafts. If she's creative maybe you could find activities to keep her busy? Once she's a little bit older she should hopefully start to enjoy the downtime after school 😊 by the time I got to high school I didn't care about siblings anymore - there was enough going on to keep me occupied! X

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