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Having a baby changed my future family plans

(27 Posts)
Csd17 Thu 21-Sep-17 09:43:48

Now I am at the stage where i no longer want to put my baby back inside my uterus, I am enjoying the magic of having a newborn. That said, this has been the hardest few weeks of my life and I know I never want to go through this again. How many new mums felt this way and didn't go on to procreate further?

I thought I wanted 4 children, but frankly, I cant now imagine a worse punishment, and my newborn son is a wonderful baby.. there's no real reason for me to feel this way. I think the reality of motherhood was just.. entirely different to what I expected. I have even greater respect for mums of more than one now.

Irishkez Thu 21-Sep-17 22:05:35

I feel exactly the same only my little one just a tad older at 8 months. Everyone says 'oh but you'll change your mind' but I really don't think I will. Loving every minute of my time with her. Had good pregnancy and labour just no desire at all to do it over!

QuackDuckQuack Thu 21-Sep-17 22:11:14

I couldn't imagine doing it again when DD1 was tiny, we found it very hard first time round. But she was such a gorgeous toddler that I realised that I really did want to do it again. And having DD2 was completely different. Her first few months weren't nearly as hard, partly because I knew how quickly the time would fly by, while waiting for DD1 to get into the fun, interactive stage went on for ages. DD2 is every bit as awesome as DD1, so I'm glad we did it again.

Or you could take DH's attitude of 'well, your life as you knew it is ruined by one child, having a second can't ruin it any more'.

InDubiousBattle Thu 21-Sep-17 22:13:44

I have always wanted 3 dc.
Had ds. For the first 6 weeks I would have happily been sterilised so serious was I about never doing it again. 6-12 weeks I fell completely in love with him but still in no way contemplating another. 5 months, started to feel like I wanted another. 6.5 months stopped bf with a view to ttc. 10 months was pregnant with dd. Had dd so two under two. Swore that I would never do it again. Then it becomes a bit more complicated and hazey but at some point I started to want a third. Still do but dp really doesn't so that's that.
Everyone's a brilliant parent until they become one!

BillywigSting Thu 21-Sep-17 22:13:55

Ds is four next week and won't be getting any siblings on the foreseeable future.

He is wonderful now but the new born stage was wholly awful.

Never again.

MrsLilymunster Thu 21-Sep-17 22:40:19

Nor long ago had my first... always wanted 3. But the pregnancy was awful, the labour was so so painful and recovery ain't been pretty! Being so involved with one child is so full on.. I feel with anymore I wouldn't fairly divide my time, as I wouldn't want a large age gap. ... I love my dd soooooooo much but there's soooo much that puts me off doing it again!! Xcxcx

Ellieboolou27 Thu 21-Sep-17 22:47:45

I felt like this and went on to have another 3 years later, one is plenty though! smile

RosieposiePuddingandPi Thu 21-Sep-17 22:53:53

I felt the same after a traumatic labour and a newborn with severe reflux. I was adamant that he was our only. At 5 months when the reflux started improving I had the occasional thought that having another might be nice. Last week at 9 months DH and I had a discussion about when to try for number 2 and whether we could afford a third.
I think those early days are really bloody tough and it took me a very long time to adjust to being a parent. But there is nothing wrong with only wanting one either!

elQuintoConyo Thu 21-Sep-17 22:54:36

DS is about to turn 6. Everyone said 'ooh you'll change your mind when he starts school' and other such bolleaux.

Nope. Happy with the one child we have. And the dog.

tinymeteor Fri 22-Sep-17 09:28:17

I remember thinking about a week after the birth, 'that wasn't so bad I could do that again'. Then came the sleep deprivation. The idea of having a toddler and a newborn at the same time seemed like hell on earth. Small age gaps are definitely not for me. I felt so much better when DH and I said out loud that maybe we wouldn't do it again, and anyway no time soon. Huge relief and it freed me up to enjoy DD more. Fast forward 3.5 yrs and I'm expecting a very planned 2nd baby. When you're ready, you're ready, but I think it can be a huge weight off to put it WAY on the back burner for a while.

Fortunatepiggy Sat 23-Sep-17 06:43:02

But don't put it on back burner too long like me because then it's even harder to make decision to go back to nappies and sleepless nights when ds is nearly 5 and I am 40

May also be too late anyway for me but still thinking about it ....

Thebookswereherfriends Sat 23-Sep-17 06:50:11

Always wanted 2, then being pregnant and giving birth made existing back pain worse and carrying around a baby for 18 months gave me new neck pain. I can't physically do it again when I have constant pain still and she's nearly 5. Also, don't feel like I emotionally want another as I enjoy her so much.

EllaNB Sat 23-Sep-17 06:52:12

I feel exactly the same, although I am a ftm to 7 week old twins. The last 7 weeks have been the hardest weeks of my entire life. I am besotted with my babies but nothing prepared me for how hard having two new borns would be...and the sleep deprivation!!

Spudlet Sat 23-Sep-17 06:56:19

DS is nearly 2, and I just can't imagine going through all that again. I love and adore him, and am actually mostly enjoying his toddlerhood, but I hated pregnancy and had every painful niggle possible topped off with awful SPD, had a crap labour thanks to uncaring hospital staff (I was induced), and he was a voraciously hungry baby, and I breastfed. Ended up almost hallucinating with exhaustion and wanting to die.

No, I love him, but I can't go through all that again.

ocelot41 Sat 23-Sep-17 06:56:29

DS is 7. We had always planned for two.But the birth was bad and the sleep deprivation was just purgatory. DH got depression, I wasn't far off, and it took us about 4 years to get our marriage back on track.

Heathen4Hire Sat 23-Sep-17 07:06:04

I wanted 2 or 3 but was scared to death, nearly, by an awful birth,no sleep, trouble bonding, trouble bf, and my husband and I almost splitting up. So stuck with one. DH still wants another but I have always said no. I have a beautiful 11 year old and we are all very close. I am 40 this year and have SO moved on.

Wallywobbles Sat 23-Sep-17 07:07:48

I was very broody until the last one got to 2 and then it was like a hormone tap had been turned off. Suddenly I went from crying when I saw a baby to thank fuck that's not me.

silkpyjamasallday Sat 23-Sep-17 08:30:33

I always thought I'd want three. I had HG and vomited multiple times a day from pretty much conception up until dd was out. I loved labour, it was amazing and I have never felt so connected to my body and powerful, but I don't want another baby at all. DP is happy with dd as an only but is convinced I will change my mind. I don't think I will. HG runs in the family and I just wouldn't be able to care for a dd while pregnant with a sibling. DD has been a relatively easy baby, never been ill and happy and cheerful most of the time. I have tried my best to appreciate every single day as each stage doesn't last long and I won't be doing it again, I am very happy with us as a family of three, and feel I can provide more in every sense for one child rather than multiple.

NoGoodAtHousework Mon 25-Sep-17 21:49:29

I've only really come to terms with letting myself off the guilt of what you're feeling OP. I ALWAYS wanted 2 children, having had one, I really disliked the baby stage, and don't want to go there again.

DS (6) has a fantastic relationship with 2 of his cousins even though he doesn't see them all the time, but is always appreciative of his alone time once he's done "mummy, this peace & quiet is lovely...".

It took me a long time to deal with it deep down and it's only lots of talking with friends and my new partner that has helped. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of for definite.

CbeebiesAddict Fri 29-Sep-17 12:51:31

DS 19mo is a joy and the wonder of my life. However it took many months for me to reach the point where I felt like that. The first year of his life was utterly awful and I massively regretted it. I had wanted 3 dc but DH has now had a vasectomy and I have a coil just to be safe. We are so happy as a family of 3. Could never put myself through that again.

CbeebiesAddict Fri 29-Sep-17 12:52:13

Oh yes and my marriage is a real struggle since he was born, another would destroy it.

Disneybump Fri 29-Sep-17 12:53:31

One hundred percent in agreement with you! I have a perfectly behaved DD but the pregnancy, birth, trying to latch, omg! Waaaaay too stressful. NOT doing this again

rugbychick1 Fri 29-Sep-17 13:11:25

I never really considered having any more after dd, who’s now 5.6 years. I had an awful labour ending in an EMCS. My lovely consultant obstetrician had said leave it a year before trying again. My reply was there won’t be a second. There still won’t be, and she’s since retired.
I hated the newborn stage and could t go through that again

Didiplanthis Sun 01-Oct-17 20:15:31

I had HG a difficult delivery and PND. I tried for another because I thought I should not because I desperately wanted to but was realistic that at 38 with a little difficulty conceiving dd it might not happen and was ok with this. It did happen very quickly - with twins. I love them dearly but it is a very different and harder life than it would have been with just dd and in someways I feel that I am not the parent I could have been had It just been dd. I never feel on top of anything and I never feel they are getting quite the childhood or mummy they deserve as I am stretched too thin. My marriage is strong DH is my best friend and we co parent well but we are not a 'couple' anymore and I doubt ever will be. I know my kids are very loved and have everything they need materially but I have lost me along the way somehow.

user1488794856 Sun 01-Oct-17 20:35:16

My dd is 8 months old and I can very much relate to all of the comments here in regards to finding the baby stage very very hard. I love my dd, but I don't particularly enjoy this baby stage, although I know we will soon be into toddler hood and that's what pulls me through.

Despite this however, I have a very small family, and fear DD would be very isolated, so here I am, 14 weeks pregnant. We decided that for us if we were going to have another one, there is no way we could go back to baby land after getting a little bit of freedom back when DD is we decided to rip the plaster off and get them over with in one quick swoop!

I think I'm mental, probably going to be the hardest few years of my life, but felt like the only option!

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