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Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

One-child families

Adult attention seeking

11 replies

ChocolateRaisin09 · 02/07/2017 10:48

I feel bad about this, because my 6yo daughter is SUCH a good kid, she is well behaved and polite and sooooo happy all the time, and I don't think she is spoilt...
However, I've noticed that she is maybe a tad precocious, if that's the word? And tries to get the attention of adults by giggling in a "cute" way and it makes me cringe! It's kind of heart breaking in a way too! She is much more interested in her friends' parents than them.
She is the only grandchild/niece for a lot of adults and I suppose is used to being the centre of attention.

How do I deal with this? She goes to a dance class out of school (where she is the same with the teacher) but I'm thinking maybe more socialising? I'm trying to do a playdate every week and thinking of signing her up to Beavers/Brownies. I'm wary though of getting her into loads of clubs as she gets tired enough from school! Am I missing something really obvious? Or are some kids just a bit like this?

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FanDabbyFloozy · 02/07/2017 10:59

You're right to be concerned, as she's at the age that the cuteness slips and children then transition into more mature relationships with adults. If she's clinging to her self-image as cute or special, this development can suffer.

Can you start with the adults in your life. Say when they come over, have an adult conversation ("what was the wedding like?") and encourage her to join in ("have any of your friends been flowergirls?") rather than the chat being all about her. Also encourage them to treat her her as a special member of the family but not special to everyone (most pretty, very clever etc.).

The Brownies would be brilliant given the focus on values and friendships.

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FanDabbyFloozy · 02/07/2017 11:02

Also socialise with friends who have kids of all ages, and then "ignore" them so the kids all muck in together.

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ChocolateRaisin09 · 02/07/2017 11:08

Great tips thank you! Yes, the "cuteness" is definitely disappearing now, making it even more obvious!
That's a really good point too, as the grandparents and aunt often turn up just wanting to gaze at her! Maybe I need to suggest more actual activities for them to do, and actually, they could always take a friend of hers out with them too right?!

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AfraidOfMyShadow · 02/07/2017 11:18

Why can't she be "cute" for as long as possible? Why try to make her grow up so fast? I'm sure she'd naturally grow out if it anyway. Especially if she doesn't get the required reaction from her behaviour.

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FanDabbyFloozy · 02/07/2017 11:18

I think I'd be less worried about her friends -- peers have a wonderful way of handling attention-seeking behaviour and they're at school for so much that I'd be willing to say this doesn't happen much there.

I think she has learned that adults respond in a certain way when she acts cute and that's when she turns the charm on.

I'm sure she's a darling child and will be great company once she works this part out.

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ChocolateRaisin09 · 02/07/2017 11:49

@AfraidOfMyShadow in a way I agree, but she has been doing it for ages and I can tell it makes adults feel awkward, they don't know what to say, it's getting inappropriate. Other kids don't seem to do it.
However I do love that she is happy and doesn't care what others think, and still has some naivety, I hope she keeps it for a while.
I agree that she can't be like this at school, her peers and teachers wouldn't let her. Although I think she may be THAT kid who follows the playground staff around... eek.

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ChocolateRaisin09 · 02/07/2017 11:52

Yep @Floozy and now we're aware we can help her figure this out. Thank you!

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GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 02/07/2017 11:52

At 6 you'd be looking at Rainbows rather than Brownies (Brownies start at 7) but I have seen it do a lot for similar girls, especially if you let the leaders know what you are trying to do.

Some children are just a bit like that though and grow out of it on their own. Is she quite a cute little girl by any chance? As in still looks quite little? my baby sister (13) and DD(8) are both very small and pretty, with beautiful hair and big blue eyes and had that cute little child thing going on long after their friends grew out of it and they played on it a lot, they finally started growing out of it when the adults round them started treating them more grown up, so including them in adult conversations rather than making the conversation all about them. They both had lots of adults round them that either didn't have children or whose children were grown up and they knew playing up to the cuteness got them a lot of attention and sweets

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ChocolateRaisin09 · 04/07/2017 14:50

Yep she looks like an actual cherub.
Gparents/aunts bring presents and sweets every visit. So I guess a bit spoilt...

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AfraidOfMyShadow · 04/07/2017 16:09

OP I've changed my mind from my original post and think you are right to nip it in the bud. Just imagine it on an almost teenager. It is worse when they are cute - I think to some extent you can't stop it but you can try. DSS is still very cute though 12 - big blue eyes, blonde curly hair, doesn't look like he's hit puberty yet. To be fair I was caught hook line and sinker .

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ChocolateRaisin09 · 05/07/2017 13:36

Haha! Yeah, she has been the cutest centre of attention for a long time but needs to realise now (as do we, probably) that there are lots of other cute kids in the world!
You were right in your first reply though, in that if she doesn't get a reaction she'll learn! I hope...