Pros to being a one child family?

[MrsWineasaurus]

Me and DH are 95% certain we are happy with having our one DS after 4 years of TTC for baby no2 we've decided we quite like how life is and tbh it's very nice finally being able to relax and to focus all our attention on DS and also both being able to work too!

I just need a little bit of help getting that extra 5% out of the way, so please tell me your pros to being a 1 child family. X

[thethoughtfox]

A happy, confident child and a peaceful easy to manage household and social life (dd's). We can give her our full attention so she is chilled out and doesn't need to act out. Life is easy to manage so we are all less stressed and happy. She is happy spending time on her own unlike most of my friends and my own sisters who have always been around other people and can't entertain themselves even as adults. And she can friends and cousins over and as many activities as she wants.

[thethoughtfox]

Extra disposable income, less childcare costs and fewer years where childcare affects how many hours you can work.

[EmeraldIsle100]

A happy healthy baby and a calm household. I have more than one child.

[Sophieelmer]

Going to restaurants and having civilised conversation! I have more than one.

[helterskelter99]

We needed a lot of Ivf to get our one so we have no choice but bar a miracle
I think it's ok to be a little bit sad re only one and he can tweak my heartstrings re siblings at time BUT as a family we roll good as a three we can all fit in one bed we can afford holidays (& we've done some cool things and he's only 4 as I think that's how I compensate with myself that it is "better" for us just to have one!

He goes to school next year and we will be significantly better off a month we're not going private but could if we needed to which we couldn't with more

Life is good we are lucky xx

[hiveofactivity]

For us its having more time.
We both work so don't have oodles of time with dd. Its nice to feel the time we do have isn't rushed, can be spent doing what dd wants to do, we can talk/listen to her uninterrupted. More than anything she just wants our time and we want time with her.

If we had more than one child that time would be halved and shared. (But then dd would have time with a sibling instead which would be great in a different way.)

[MrsWineasaurus]

Thank you my lovelies. Exactly what I needed to hear.

My parents, mainly my mum are devastated at the fact we aren't having any more so I kinda felt guilty about that, but I am honestly so happy and content with my one plus the pressure of TTC has completely gone which is great!

Now to plan what fun things to do with DS!

[Minimusiciansmama]

It's just me and my girl and has been her whole life. She's a talented dancer and musician & cos she's my only, I can give her my time and energy to support her. We go off and have weekends away on the cheap because family/friends have a double bed spare where they couldn't so easily if we were a big family. She's good at amusing herself and good at being around adults, but still good at being the cheeky wee 7 yr old. Financially, supporting more than one child I couldn't do on my own without sacrificing the life my girl has. I was sad for years about never having more children, but I'm ok about it now. We love our life. She's very sociable but also loves having her mama to herself when she wants me. There are wonderful things about having siblings. There are wonderful things about just having my one too.

[PumpkinPie2016]

We have one who is 3.5 now and although I occasionally think of a second, we are sticking to one.

My pros to having one are:

We can give our son all our time and attention.

We can go to all of the parties/activities he wants as we don't need to consider another child.

Financially, things are easy but I think with two we may be stretched.

Now ds is getting older things are much easier and I can't imagine throwing a new baby into the mix now.

[squizita]

More time, energy and indeed cash = less heart-tugging compromise.

I have an only.
I was from an accidentally large family (accidentally due to multiple births and cousins we cared for). Dsis was much younger - after we all flew the nest life was clearly simpler, and in the thick of it my parents had to have tough "one, some or none" choices (eg one got into music school, but we cant afford all ... but that one is very good. What to do!?).

So much simpler with one.

[OatmealMum]

Small family can live in harmony. The life of families with more children seems to be quite chaotic at times.

Financially it's easier. We have more money to spend for example on vacations, eating out, culture. (For example, we have enough money to take our DD to see plays, concerts and such even quite often if she wants/we want.)

We only have one "certain age" going on at a time, not multiple different ones, as in families with more children.

6-year old can leave her legos to wait for next day occasionally. We don't have to worry that the little sister/brother comes and eats them. ;)

We can manage her hobbies (we have enough money and enough time for them).

[Babymamamama]

Very close relationship with both parents.
No tedious mediation of squabbles.
Able to give full attention and support to learning and milestones.
Make loads of effort with play dates to compensate for no sibling so I've made loads of lovely mum and dad friends.
No favouritism.

[elQuintoConyo]

No fucking arguing with siblings. I argued with my sister and we still have a rather strained - frankly shit - relationship and we are mid-40s. Chalk and cheese. Bil has 5 dc and they all seem to get on, so i know it isn't a given.

I am not a natural earth-mother type, i had had no strong longings for a child, no cravings, so it easier for us to stop at onr. Besides, DS ripped me to shit during the birth and i'm still physically only about 85% ok and he is 6yo. He is also extremely energetic, loud and necercstops talking. Another younger version would finish me off!

Luckily we don't have anyone idiotic enough to layer on guilt about stopping at one. Any commenters would be told to GFY!

[Fortunatepiggy]

I'm in the same position mrswineasaurus

95 sure it's right to stick with one but 40 and feel a bit sad that this is it!

Haven't ttc though but maybe decision already made because of my age

Good luck

[tellmyfriendsiminlove]

No risk of a subsequent child having additional needs and the burden on your older child.

[Mitsaki]

We're a one child family, after severe pre-eclampsia during delivery and very high risk of it happening again made the decision for us.
Our son is now seven and if I had the chance now to have another I probably wouldn't as I'm very happy with the one and we've passed the annoying part when people constantly ask or expect you'll be adding to your family.
We focus on the pros to only having one: less of a financial strain, more time for ourselves, more time for him, less birthday party to organise! And try to work through the negatives that commonplace with only children: making sure he has meaningful friendships, sharing his stuff and understanding we seen his exclusively, etc.
I have found school helps tremendously with many of the negative issues.
Only children are commonplace now and there's not the stigma there once was. In my sons class about 35% of the kids are only children.

[Cath2907]

My 6 year old is an only. We have a calm house, we can spend our time/energies/money all on her. She and I have a close bond. We love a weekend pub lunch. She is sociable, happy and has lots of friends in school. I have no doubt that she is a happy only and we wouldn’t have it any other way!

[Sarahh2014]

We have ds who 3.5 i had a traumatic birth which put me off having more plus I'm now 37 and feel like my baby days are behind me..we are happy as we are

[Csd17]

My son is 7 weeks old and I’m pretty certain he’ll be our only child. Children are hard work, far harder work than I anticipated. I never want to go through the newborn phase again. Nothing will ever be as peaceful and magical as this experience. I don’t want to run around after more than one kid. I want to give my one child the world.. and still have a bit of time for myself and my marriage.

[SuperBeagle]

I'm an only child.

I'm content, confident, have a fantastic relationship with my mother, have never felt the "need" to be in a relationship like most many people I know, I am productive and capable of managing my time extremely well. I like my own company, and am never lonely.

I attribute all of these things to being an only child. Sure, some of them may be my natural disposition, but I tend to compare myself with those around me - most of whom have siblings - and I can see where we're divergent.

[Bumblebee53]

Me and my partner only have one daughter, i keep thinking of having another but my partner says no.
We lost 3 babies threw miscarriage before i had my daughter and was on bed rest for 9 month to keep me from losing her too,
The thing is i dont think she wants to be an only child as she keeps asking things like when is my brother or sister coming or when are you having another baby mummy things like that,
I was told off my consultant that i would probably have another miscarriage before i got another baby so my partner is adamant he doesn’t want me to go threw all that again. Now im confused as to who to make happy my partner by not having another baby or my daughter to try and give her a sibling, my daughter is 5 now and my partner says its to late for another as the age gap would be to big

[PandaCat]

I'm pregnant with #2 but I do know of the positives of having an only, as my first has been for 5.5yrs!

Our DD is very sociable at school, loves being around other children, will talk to any child she sees at the park etc. Unfortunately she hates being alone and has been desperate for a sibling for over a year. She's just really lonely when she's at home. She has always had no problems sharing at school and with cousins etc, which I'm told sometimes siblings have a harder time sharing at school due to being forced to at home. Obviously we have more time for her too, she is always telling us she loves us, lots of time for cuddles, so I guess you could say the bond is closer than it would have been if we had another sooner m. All our money goes onto her at, days out are cheaper etc. Another positive is we get more alone time as a couple.

Basically as most people have said.

[Bonelessbanquet]

DD has been an only for 8 years, currently expecting DC2. I'm nervous about how to split my time between them both, feel sad about how much time she will have to 'hang on' whilst I sort the baby etc. I'm excited for her to have a sibling but also very nervous of how it will impact us after so long being a 3!

I think there are so many benefits to being an only child.

[MrsWineasaurus]

We’ve had 5 miscarriages now. 1 before DS was born and 4 since. I would’ve loved another one if the age gap wasn’t so big. Just didn’t happen. Me and DH have decided no more. Can’t go through the miscarriages again and DS is actually quite happy on his own. Asked if he wants a brother or sister he says no. DH adamant no more babies. I’m still undecided 😏

[earlgreymarl]

Mrs Wineasaurus I know what you mean. DS is 5 & for us it another child just never happened . . . I too would like to be resolved as it were and to put what might have been behind. I also feel the age gap would be too big ( for us) and mentally I allocated a time of my life when I would be committed to all things home and babies and now I'm ready to pick up with things professionally again. It would seem like a step back, to go back to the baby days now, but like you I still have this niggle , a yearn that creeps up from time to time.

Part of what makes for ambivalence for me is seeing that part of your life as being over . . your next stage so to speak, and I thought that was further away than it is!

Seeing these posts definitely helps though , logically at least!

I really should get rid of all the baby paraphernalia. And decide on some contraception. But you know, although we're no kinder TTC & another child is not a goal we're pursuing, I haven't quite managed those things yet.