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How do I deal with this?

(3 Posts)
pedza Wed 26-Apr-17 13:58:16

Hi,

I have an amazing 11 year old boy who has been my strength and support. He does really well at school too.

I was married to someone abroad and my marriage broke down when baby was a year old. His dad has been out of our lives for all these years. I'm a working mom, but my hours are great - I leave home with him and get back before he gets back from school, so that I can give him the time he needs.

However, up until 2015, everything was fine - my son was attached to his grandfather (my dad) and also his uncle (my brother). in 2016 my dad died of brain cancer and my brother had to leave the country due to visa issues.

My family fell apart. I have been strong for my mom, my younger brother and my son. I had to hide all my feelings and emotions, so that them 3 found stability to deal with life.

But since then, my son has been feeling upset, sad, emotional, teary. He has started closing up, he wont communicate much, he feels that everyone he loves is leaving, so he has started blaming himself. He is scared of attachment and scared of love.

So whoever tries to come close to him, he pushes them away with the fear of being rejected and hurt. He feels if he gets close to them, they will disappear too. He is somehow becoming like me and its scaring me.

I have tried speaking to him, explaining things to him, tried keeping him busy - take him clubs, etc, I spend a lot of time with him indoors and outdoors, we do things together, but nothing seems to be working. He is finding comfort in food, and it is beginning to scare me because people do that when they are lonely or depressed.

He has friends, they do come over, but when they leave, he's back to being sad. I've also noticed he walks to school and back alone even though he has friends who go to the same school and class with him living in the same block.

What can I do to help my baby. I don't know what to do.

user1481045638 Thu 27-Apr-17 10:54:46

Hi Pedza, (wht sort of name is it?) smile
I knw how yu are feeling. You did a good thing by starting this thread, it just helps talking to people. we cant do much, but we can talk about our experiences and hopefully that can help. my teen was also going through emotional stress - the feeling of unloved, unwanted, anger, isolation. she was blaming herself fr everything, then my bf was very supportive throughout and he started spending a lot of time with her and that helped. It not only her, but helped me too. maybe consider getting him to talk to a therapist or someone close to yu that way you will knw how he feels . hpe this helps. ciao

TheWeevilincidentof2009 Thu 27-Apr-17 20:44:20

Pedza - this board gets very little traffic. Might I suggest you report your thread and ask MNHQ to move this elsewhere so you might get more support.

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