Totally undecided about a second child

[Weareboatsremember]

I have a DD3 and am totally undecided about having a second child, for a range of reasons. I had a mmc in Feb 2015 and when I was pregnant then I was convinced that a second child would have been excellent, but dd was obviously much younger then (still only 18 months when I had the mmc).
Fast forward to now and I think I want another, but love mine and dd's relationship. I suppose I have the same worries anyone has, but I know very few people with only 1 child and I don't want to ask people I know such personal questions!
So my worries are:

1. what about if the new baby ruins dd's life as we can't have the same nice life and 1-1 attention that she has enjoyed for the last few years?
   
2. when on earth is the best time to be pregnant at work!? I have a very full on job and there is no good time - for me it would be very difficult to 'let go' of work and then step back in again.
   
3. would life be ok with a 5 year age gap? I'm at the point where we can do lovely things without having to take a bag of child 'stuff' with us, and I'd lose that freedom!
   
4. I don't think I could go through another mc and cope with it. How about if it happens again?
   
   Any ideas/thoughts/stories on either side?

[confused6677]

Ok, so this is the first time I have posted anything on any forum or website. I find myself doing so as I am completely confused on what to do. Ill start with a little background – Im 36 (almost 37) have been happily married for 14 years and have a delightful little girl who will turn 7 next month. Up until very recently I was very content with my life, my daughter had the perfect companion in my nephew who is just a few months older than her. BUT, my sister in law and her family relocated to America! Since they have gone I have thought long and hard about having a second child, but worry tirelessly about the age gap (which will be touching 8 years) I fond myself worrying about everything, the impact on our marriage, the bond between the two siblings, the bond with us as parents with the little one and my daughter. Will she resent us, will the baby grow up to resent us, are we too old to start over – the list is endless. I find myself thinking about the minutest details. What will holidays be like, Christmas day, birthdays. Will they have a connection or will they simply be aquaintances!

Any advice you ladies can give would be appreciated, I feel like I need to make a decision in the next 3 months to lessen the worry and the increasing age gap. Financially we are in a good place, my daughter has a very good life with plenty of holidays, activities and a full social agenda. We would need to pull in the purse strings a little if we choose to have number 2, but still manageable financially. I have even considered adoption as an option.

[FreckledLeopard]

I'm in a slightly similar situation. I had DD very young, at 19, and she is now 16 years old. We have a very close relationship - she's awesome.

Now, though, I'm 35, have a wonderful DP (who has teenagers from a previous relationship) and am wondering if I want a baby before I get much older. There's a part of me which would love to get pregnant (planned, with a partner, rather than unplanned and as a lone parent as it was before). Part of me would like to experience motherhood when I'm a little bit older. And I'm an only child with a parent with dementia and it sucks to have that level of responsibility with no siblings to help share the burden.

But then I wonder if, after 16 years, I could face going back to the start. I'm not good without sleep. I like my freedom. And DD is so great, I'd worry in case I had a child that was more of a handful, or who went off the rails, or had health problems. I wonder if I should simply be so grateful for what I have and not risk things by having any more.

[Fortunatepiggy]

I feel exactly the same but I have to make a decision because I am 40 and running ( or possibly have run) out of time if we want to try. I love the relationship I have with my ds who is 4, everything is getting easier, my career is going well. I worry about the age gap how it will affect our relationship, career, finances etc I also worry about mc and health issues being older☹️ but if we decide not to try I worry that we will regret it and then it will be too late ......

[thethoughtfox]

Depends why you want two child. If it's for company for each other, the age gap is too big for them to be friends growing up ( in my experience) They may become friends when they are older. Is it worth it?

[thethoughtfox]

*children!

[dei7]

You can't predict how the siblings will take to each other. A common opinion is that with a bigger age gap the two siblings grow more like singletons. It's more about you - do you want another one?
Don't take age as an issue, unless you got health problems. It's really more about you, - do you want another one?

[qumquat]

Age gap not an issue at all. I found a had a much better relationship with my siblings who were 5 and 7 years older than me than they had with each other. It seems to me that siblings close in age squabble a lot more. Not that that's a reason to have a second child if you don't want one. Like you I really value the one to one time. I had a pregnancy scare and all I could feel was terrible guilt and sadness at DD losing all my attention. Luckily it was a false alarm, but it told me all I needed to know about whether I wanted a second a child or not!

[happyguineapig]

Did you decide?