All of my friends and family have two or three children and they are all at pains to point out how 'easy' I have it with one. I suffered from depression before I had my son and had a difficult relationship with my own mother, it took 7 years for my husband to convince me I would be a good Mum. I had post-natal depression and really struggled to feel 'good enough' as a Mum, as an army wife we had little family support, our marriage was tested to its limits and when I told my mother how I felt like 'ending myself' she told me I was wicked and she should be calling social services (despite her knowing what it is like to be unsupported with post natal depression). Don't worry I am not in any danger now, my depression is well managed and I realise what a heartless shit my mother was. We have made the decision that we are complete with 'only' one child as people so kindly put it. Friends and family have told us we are being cruel and selfish and that only children are spoilt, we rise above it in the knowledge that it would not be fair to risk our boy witnessing me having post natal depression, I lived in a home with a depressed and in some respects abusive parent and could not risk putting my child through it. What I find difficult is when friends tell me that it's OK for me as I only have one child to worry about or how they have it so much harder. Why is it socially acceptable for them to say this despite knowing my reasons, but I wouldn't dream of telling them that they chose to have more than one child so they shouldn't moan about it. They make it feel like I am not part of the club because I have only done it once, like I am less of a mother. Sometimes I think it is jealousy that now my child is of school age my life is less complicated and sometimes I feel that they think I am not a good enough mother or just plain selfish. It feels like a stab in the heart when people say it and there is so much emotion behind our decision that I want to scream at them, I know it is a throw away comment for them but it is so painful for me. Does anyone else have this problem and how do they deal with it?
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When your friends tell you that your life is easy with 'JUST' one
32 replies
millymoomum · 08/03/2017 10:34
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