I am really stressing myself out over this at the moment, and I just can't decide whether to not have any children, or whether to try for just the one. I wanted to post on here for some advice or if anyone might have any insight that would be helpful to make my decision.
For the longest time, I wasn't sure I ever wanted children. My boyfriend and I love to travel, a lot, to far away places, go diving, generally live a carefree lifestyle, and we can be quite lazy to be honest sometimes. The rest of the time I am racing around with my type A personality, trying to plan everything and do it all at once.
I am 29, he is 30 and we have been together over 10 years. We've spoken about it and he is in the same place as I am, totally undecided and can see pros/cons to both sides. One thing he is very worried about, and this has started to worry me too, is the possibility of having a disabled child.
We both plan to keep working and he travels a lot for work, and I suffer from thyroid/hormone imbalance and adrenal fatigue which I am working to get under control or get rid of. I know it is a LOT of work raising children and I just don't know if we could handle a disabled child. My boyfriend has twins in his family with severe cerebral palsy and I just don't know if we could do it.
More than one child for me is going to be too much, but I am thinking of having just one child as this might be a great balance. Still a bit of freedom/time to ourselves, more money to focus on that child and the possibility to still travel with the child. We will have both sets of parents close by to help out too.
I'm just wondering if having the one child is that big a lifestyle change? Obviously, I know it's a huge change, but once your child is a little bit older, do you still get time for yourselves? I love the idea of being a parent in some ways, sharing hobbies, doing arts and crafts, having the family all together at Christmas etc, but I just can't decide what's right for us. How do you come to a decision on something so huge?
Some of the positives I can think of: Raising your own person and educating them etc, giving our parents the chance to be grandparents, having the experience of being a parent - might regret it if we don't, gives our life more meaning and purpose, sharing hobbies and doing fun activities together, being a family unit and hanging out with friends/family that also have kids
The main negatives: a will lose a lot of sleep which I need a quite a bit of right now, less time/freedom to do adult things, restricted with travelling, juggling work and parenting, I will probably be tired all the time in the beginning, teenage years, risk of not having a healthy baby, less money. (the only major ones here would be travel and the baby not being healthy)
I am going around in circles and stressing myself out here. Can anyone offer any insight or how I might be able to make a decision? There are several reasons I don't want to be too old a mum, so my cut off is age 32 - which doesn't give me very long to make a very monumental life decision!
How do I make it?
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Undecided on kids. None or one?
55 replies
alittlebitmanic · 11/02/2017 09:49
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