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Should I tell the father?

(8 Posts)
Mama1223413 Thu 09-Feb-17 17:50:41

About a year ago I bumped into an ex at a party. I got very drunk and even though I didn't really want to and I said no we ended up sleeping together. I haven't spoken to him since. A month later I found out I was pregnant. I decided to keep the baby but I didn't tell my ex he might be the father. When we were together he was very controlling and emotionally abusive and I knew he'd try to force me to have an abortion as I know he doesn't want kids. My baby is 3 months old now. I don't know whether to tell him or continue letting everyone believe my boyfriend is the father (he knows the truth) I know if I told him he'd either not be interested and accuse me of trying to trap him or he'd make a couple of half arsed attempts to see him and mess with his head then never see him again. I really don't want him back in my life but I don't know what the right thing to do is. Does he have a right to know the truth?!

SpongebobRoundPants Thu 09-Feb-17 18:14:39

What will you tell your child when they're older?

user1486613612 Thu 09-Feb-17 18:18:28

There might be medical conditions involved, say that you child (when old) is asked if he/she has anybody with, say, glaucoma in the family, and says "no" because he/she is thinking about your partner's family (the supposed dad) but in reality should say "yes" and get a treatment (if it's something found in the biological dad's family.)

Chelazla Thu 09-Feb-17 18:23:09

My biological dad demanded my mum get an abortion and was vile to her the whole pregnancy until my grandad put a stop to it. He wanted to see me when born and my mum refused. I've never held it against her. Imo no dad is better than a horrible one.

ginswinger Thu 09-Feb-17 18:25:04

Absolutely not! Give yourself a quiet life and let your child make contact when they are older.

SilverdaleGlen Thu 09-Feb-17 18:26:01

I wouldn't fuck morals and medical history they just aren't as important to your child as growing up safe and stable. Don't lie to DC though just say their dad was a ONS never to be contacted again.

Oh and by the way if you said no you didn't have sex, he raped you.

CocoLoco87 Thu 09-Feb-17 18:28:55

I wouldn't tell him. Imagine if he wants to share custody just to piss you off?! Would you really want your daughter left with him? Tell her the truth when she's old enough to understand though.

Haffdonga Thu 09-Feb-17 18:35:11

I think it's nearly always much better to be honest from the beginning rather than let your dc discover accidentally when they are older that their dad is not their biological father with a horrific shock. (e.g. they're a blood type which genetically can't be your bf's or someone lets slip during a blazing teenage row).

You've been honest to your bf, you need to be honest to your dc and so you have to be honest to the bio father. Presumably he knows he had unprotected sex with you and can do the maths to work out that your baby could be his. I'd email him informing him of the birth of your baby with their date of birth. Let him do the maths. If he thinks you might chase him for money you'll probably never hear from him again.

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