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Do I want to try for another baby??

(15 Posts)
westcoastmummy Mon 06-Feb-17 10:58:18

My DH and I have one kid. We initially planned more but I had hyperemesis throughout my pregnancy so wasn't keen for another right away and then great job opportunities for us both came up and we moved to a completely different part of our the country. We ended up in a lovely but smaller house so we don't have a spare room anymore. DH and I spoke about having more and we'd decided against it. Our kid is nearly 8 and that seems like a big gap. Also, I'm now in my late 30s shock so am a bit worried about age all round as my mum and sister both had serious problems having babies around my age. BUT now everything has gone a bit wonky in my head. I decided to get all the car seats, buggies etc. that are taking up storage space cleaned up and moved on to someone who can use them. While I was at it, I found boxes of toys, clothes, blankets and so on that I packed up when we moved house with the intention of using them for our next baby. I'd almost forgotten that when we upped sticks 4 years ago, it was still part of the plan that we'd add to our family. Although I thought I'd made my peace with just having one child, finding these made me burst into tears (I rarely cry - DH usually says I have heart of stone) and I now feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. Has anyone else had a similar experience? What did you do?

Aworldofmyown Mon 06-Feb-17 11:00:35

I have 10 years between my eldest and my youngest. 6 between the middle one.

You need to have a serious think about it.

ElspethFlashman Mon 06-Feb-17 11:06:27

It's common for a burst or broodiness to occur in the late thirties. I call it the sound of the closing door.

Don't mind the gap. All gaps have their pluses and minuses.

Not having a spare room for another child to go into is probably an issue with that gap though. You can't really have a teen in with a preschooler.

Wait a few months and see if it passes. It very well may.

westcoastmummy Mon 06-Feb-17 11:57:28

Thanks smile We're already planning to move to a bigger house next year, just wasn't thinking about having an extra person living in it with us! I'm not sure how a cuddly elephant and some cot blankets have managed to put me in this frame of mind confused I need to try and put a rational head back on!

museumum Mon 06-Feb-17 12:00:12

you need to seperate whether this is nostalgia for your child's early years or whether you do want another.

i'm pretty sure i do not want a second child, but i do still get sniffly at his old baby stuff... it's about him, and wanting to go back and be able to appreciate those days again (though only in a rose-tinted way without the stress of being in them) rather than wanting to do it again.

Suzytwoshoes Mon 06-Feb-17 12:10:32

I know what you mean. I wanted two babies then had HG .
The good thing about your 8 year age gap is they can look after themselves while you spend three months in bed vomiting.

westcoastmummy Mon 06-Feb-17 12:15:15

Suzytwoshoes 😂 True!

Umblubblub Mon 06-Feb-17 12:46:12

It's a tough decision. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with #2 and will have a 6 year age gap. I'm 39.
DH was always keen to have a second, and first started suggesting it when DS was 6 months. It was a very firm NO from me. I didn't enjoy being pregnant, nor did I enjoy the 'baby phase', being on mat leave or the effect a small child had on my career.
But, over the last year or so we (mainly I) had a serious think about it. Someone said to me that I should focus more on who I want to be around the dinner table in 10 years, rather than in the pregnancy or the first tough few years. I.e. The long game. They were right.
I also thought I might have early menopause, which scared the shit out of me and was a big reality check, that I may have no choice in the matter.
Finally, on our last family holiday, we were pretty much the only 1 child family in the place. This wouldn't usually bother me but it did this time. I was jealous, particularly of those families with older children.
To reassure you about getting pregnant later in life, this pregnancy for me has been so much easier in many ways than my first. In my NCT group I'm neither the oldest or the youngest, and we are all 'low risk'. My DS is very independent and excited about having a sibling.
I know i would have bitterly regretted not trying for a second just because I didn't like the early stages, but I do feel like I'm giving up a lot.
Maybe ask yourself if you found out tomorrow you could never have any more, how would you feel? Good luck with your decision, and it goes without saying to do what's right for you and your family.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Mon 06-Feb-17 12:51:56

I have hyperemesis (30 times a day and hosp admissions), and I've had it this time around and my dd is 2, you'll always find a way to cope, even though it's really really hard. Your ds is 8 so he can pretty much look after himself food wise, sandwhiches and cereals etc? There's also 10 years between me and my brother, I helped out A LOT..so there is that! Ultimately if it's right then go for it smile

Teladi Mon 06-Feb-17 12:54:05

I am exactly the same way at the moment - something that has happened in my life has made me start seriously thinking about having another.

And I said I never would... I always thought I would be a mum of one.

I am 32 and DC1 is currently 5.5. So theoretically I have time.

What if I regret it? Or what if I regret it if I don't? Which is worse? I feel like, as Umblublub posits, if I were told that it wasn't an option, I would accept it without question, but does that mean that I don't want another?

FourToTheFloor Mon 06-Feb-17 12:59:22

I've said this previously but I thought we'd stick at one. It was easy and fun really. But I kept everything of dd1 so I guess deep down I knew I'd probably want to go again. I had 2 mc before dd2. The sheer sadness of the first mc made me realise it was something I truly did want and not just something I should do (for dd1 and dh iykwim)

The fact you kept stuff, I think you want another dc wink

There is almost 5 years between my two which really works well for us.

Kione Mon 06-Feb-17 13:00:01

I just had my second baby, my first is 7 and she really wanted a sibling. She helps a lot. I am too in my late 30s.
Now, I am not sure if this is what I wanted, DP and DD did; and I am struggling to adapt. But he is now 5 weeks and it's getting better.
Also, if you have moved, do you have people around you for support?

cocochanel21 Mon 06-Feb-17 13:08:52

I have a 23year age gap between my dd' s.

After having my first at 15 I NEVER wanted anymore. I met DH at 28 and we both agreed that we didn't want anymore dcs.
10 yrs later I found out I was 13weeks pregnant on a routine visit to the doctor's shock.
Dd2 is 14mths now. I can't imagine life without her now.
I'm a firm believer in what's for you won't go by you.

westcoastmummy Tue 07-Feb-17 12:19:30

We're very lucky, lots of willing support on hand where we moved to. I'm feeling a bit more sensible about it all than when I had my major blub when I found the boxes of baby stuff but still thinking about it!

LalaLeona Sat 18-Feb-17 08:36:11

My advice would be..don't over think it too much and go with your gut instinct. Everything else will fall into place later.

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