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Am I selfish?!

(10 Posts)
motherofone14 Fri 13-Jan-17 21:55:57

Today my husband said that he'd like to have another baby. But I don't.

The thing is that I want my baby girl to have all my love at all times. I don't want to say no to giving her cuddles because I don't have time.

My mother always favourites my brother. I was never given all the love I needed and I know how it feels being put to one side and that's why I have this fear that I'd do the same to my girl. I tried to explain it to him but he doesn't get it.

On the other hand I'm worried that I'll harm my LO by not giving her a sibling.

Am I crazy?!

Gooseberryfools Fri 13-Jan-17 22:06:15

How old is your girl?

Did you know that if there is more then 7 years between children, it's like they are only children in many respects.

I remember thinking how it would be impossible to spread my love between two children!

Your parents had favourites but you can choose not to. There will always be an easier child or a more charastmatic child or a more helpful child but you can choose to value kids equally regardless of any qualities.

Siblings can bring each other so much joy but they have to feel secure that they are loved equally.

motherofone14 Fri 13-Jan-17 22:10:29

She's almost one year. But she loves attention. She wants feel loved all the time. I'm worried that if we have another one she'll feel pushed to the side as newborn will get lots of attention. How many kids have you got? What's the age gap?

NotTheMrMenAgain Fri 20-Jan-17 12:45:58

Of course you're not being selfish! And not having a sibling won't 'harm' your DD - sibling relationships can be positive or negative, it's just a roll of the dice.

You're allowed to stop at one, there's no law that says you must continue breeding til you produce x number of offspring.

The only reason to have another baby is because you and DH both really want one, with nobody being pressurised or emotionally blackmailed.

DarkestBeforeDawn Fri 20-Jan-17 13:05:53

In my experience, my heart has grown and found more love for all my children (I have had 4DC in four years). I love them fiercely but they each give me different things (and I can honesty say that I don't have a favourite!). Also, I am the eldest of four children (my parents had four in 6 years) and I felt that we were all loved and treated equally - if my parents had a favourite it was never known to us. I think that your experiences won't necessariy be your children's, if you chose to have another child. if you chose to have another baby you will love he/she just as much as you love your daughter and it is really wonderful to watch siblings love and play with one another. I love having siblings (We are super close and have a really great relationship) and as my parents age, I feel comfort that when the awful time comes that they pass, I will have them and they will have me as a support network. However this is your life and your and your DH's decision, and there is no wrong or right thing to do. Do want you want and what makes you happy.

GabbySolis Mon 23-Jan-17 18:18:23

My DD was 12 months old when I got pregnant with DS. I was very worried because she was very clingy to me, only grandchild and loved attention but she loves her little brother so much. She still gets attention and when I'm busy with the baby I involve her by asking her to help me which she then gets lots of praise for. Maybe you aren't ready just yet but will be in a few months when your DD is a bit older. If you decide not to have anymore there is nothing wrong with that and as PPs have said, you shouldn't feel pressured into having more babies.

motherofone14 Wed 25-Jan-17 22:00:01

Thank you so much!

einalem1984 Sun 12-Feb-17 07:20:45

I'm an only child and it certainly didn't harm me! smile equally I have 1 DD who is 10 weeks old and we don't plan on having anymore.

user1486499646 Thu 23-Feb-17 23:54:46

This is how i see it too OP i have 4 siblings so my mum and dad werd hardly ever their for cuddles or love. I promised my self id have one child and she wkuld get all my love id be at every football match damce class and swimming class no matter what! Either way you have another their will be negatives and positives andd if you dont their will be positives and negatives go with your instincts OP

Newmother8668 Fri 24-Feb-17 14:41:43

I'm only having one child. Tbh, the sleep deprivation was too much for me. Also, I want my baby to go to a good school and have lots of activities. He has an older half brother he doesn't see much, but a terrible influence and not a very nice kid. Won't be having more. I love focusing on him! He's the love of my life!

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