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Help advice on father contact needed!

(2 Posts)
Postmanpatsc47D Fri 30-Dec-16 21:33:21

Hi im really hoping can get some advice and help on father contact and the other exoeriences sorry if this is long

I have a 16 month old daughter unplanned but the best thing that ever happened to me. I did not have a relationship with father im not proud to say a drunken fling . He showed signs of violence during this time but i overlooked it as someone with not much self esteem not expecting to have a child with him

On finding i was pregnant he made my life hell to threatening to get rid of child and the police were called on two occasions. I was advised to keep him of birth certificate which i did.

Since then although very stressful and dispite enduring threating behaviour throughout thr past 16 months we manged to agree contact at his mum's house as she seemed kind and trustworthy and supportive of me .more laterley even let them have her overnight with mum there.

This has all broken down with father saying going to take daughter to his girlfriends am hour and half away from where i live and when i stated to his mother my concerns with him amd threatening behaviour and criminal record she has said thinks child is at risk in my care??!!and she cam afford best lawyer in country against me.

So i stopped contact as all trust broken down now they taking me to court. i do understand it is important for my daughter to know father but to what extent to i have to tolerate thia stress and manage on my own working and brimg up my daughter with no help from father only negativity.and stress. .will court take this into account amd what will they say? Sorry for long message!

AllTheGlitters Thu 02-Feb-17 22:20:55

Poor you, didn't want to read and run although I can't offer much advice flowers

His mother is being ridiculous and trying to scare you into doing something you don't want to agree to. Unless you are neglectful, abusive or unstable in any other way, of course they have no authority whatsoever to have your daughter removed from your care.

If your ex's name had been on the birth certificate, he would have parental rights and therefore be able to take you to court for access to your DD. This is usually granted but if you can prove that he has been violent and threatening towards you then it would much more likely be that any contact he had with your DD would be in a secure and neutral environment, such as a contact centre.

However , his name is not on the birth certificate, so I believe (and you will want to check this as it's important) that he does not automatically have parental rights regarding your DD. He would first have to go to court to fight for parental rights, and I'm not sure how easy/hard/quick this process is. And then he would have to apply for a contact order. They would then do a CAFCASS report and take into account everything you want to tell them, as well as what he and his mum have to say.

To be honest, and I know I can't judge it accurately from one post on the internet, but I don't think they will get to court. There has just been too little input from him from the start, and his behaviour sounds vile. If I were you I would stay away, and maybe, if you feel it's beneficial for your DD, contact his mother and explain that you are not happy with him having unsupervised access but you are willing to come around to her house and let him see your DD. If I were you I would also not let either of them have her on their own; frankly I wouldn't trust them not to take her somewhere like his GF's house thinking you won't find out.

Best of luck to you, I really hope it works out, it must be so hard not having the right support from your DD's father and his family sad And whatever you do don't let them scare and bully you into doing something you're not comfortable with, it's much more important you and your DD are safe, happy and away from conflict.

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