Adult Daughter

[user1483020735]

I have a question regarding my adult daughter and I would be grateful for some insight. My daughter is 33 and used to be very slim and healthy and over the last three years she has put on weight and is now a size 16. She is single with no children but she has a well paid job as a mortgage broker. I have noticed that lately she has been going out a lot more, drinking and staying out late and she eats a lot of junk food and no longer goes to the gym. I told her that she now looks unhealthy and that I think she makes poor lifestyle choices. Her argument is that she is an adult, she works hard, pays her own bills, mortgage etc and that her appearance shouldn't concern me. She thinks that by me stating to her that she looks unhealthy (she does, she looks very bloated and tired all the time) is rude because she doesn't want to be judged by people and she claims she still get chatted up and called beautiful etc.... is it really that bad for me to tell her she needs to change her life? She is very upset with me and is insisting I apologise for insulting her

[Snap8TheCat]

You sound awful. MYOB.

[bittapitta]

Don't you have anything better to do with your days? Leave her alone.

[Cherryskypie]

You need to ask?

[mamalovesmojitos]

Your beautiful, only child, an independent woman with her own home and a great job has put on a few pounds? If only all parents had your small worries! Leave her alone.

[AmeliaJack]

Apologise, say you are concerned for her health and well being and framed it wrongly.

Then hold your tongue.

My friend's mum went on and on about her weight for years. It never helped but just upset her. As she put it "I have a mirror Mum".

She eventually lost 7 stones. But it was her own motivation that helped her succeed. Nobody has ever lost weight because their Mum told them they were fat.

[pileoflaundry]

You are her mum. Being concerned and supportive is one thing, openly criticising is another. I would be really hurt if I was your daughter.

[PastysPrincess]

I would be really hurt if I was your daughter. What does it matter if she has gained weight? Is your real concern that she may embarrass you or that she can't bag herself a man being a bit larger?

I'm hoping that your comments were supposed to convey concern for her health rather than being nasty and judgmental. If I was you I'd apologise profusely and never mention it again.

[NobodyputsBabyinaKorma]

If my dd put on a lot of weight and looked unwell, I'd tell her. But I'd see that as being a loving mother not an interfering one.