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Oh has started to want other children and I don't.

(4 Posts)
Gamgee Tue 31-May-16 20:50:09

Hi, we have a gorgeous 2 year old and had both decided early on that one was enough for us. Neither of us cope very well on a lack of sleep and my oh struggled alot in the early days. It took him months to bond with our lo and I felt very much on my own at times. I had post natal anxiety pretty badly for the first year and i'm still affected by it now although it's much better. However he's recently started to change his mind and wants me to consider having another child. I'm reluctant because I think it'll put our marriage under a great deal of strain and also because I worry that he'll shut down for ages like he did last time. We've been starting to get a few comments from friends and relatives about our only child status so I think that might be a contributing factor. I have absolutely no urges for another. Has anyone else faced a similar problem? Thanks.

Mrstumbletap Wed 01-Jun-16 08:35:40

You will always get comments from family or friends, "only having one? 2 girls are you trying for a boy next? 3 children blimey was one a mistake?"

People just say things without thinking, so I would just ignore them, if you had another and your husband and you had difficulty, and the newborn was up 4 times a night would those family and friends be round to help settle the baby? I don't think so, so take their comments with a pinch of salt. The only people that need to decide on the amount of children you have is you and your DH.

My DH would like another, but it is unlikely we will have one, we have had many many honest conversations about it, and he realises it's my body, my career and my life that if turned upside down and he respects that and says I really have the deciding decision and I'm 99.99% sure we won't.

You need to talk to you DH about all the possibilities, do you work? Would he consider having the paternity and looking after the baby?

lighthouse17 Wed 01-Jun-16 14:14:05

hi I just wanted to say that I am in the opposite situation to yours. I really really would like another but my DH won't. It's making me really upset.
I just wanted to say you who should have the upper hand in this? and I really would like to understand from your perspective how it makes you feel that you don't want another but he does? does it feel like you have been pushed into it? and if he was to convince you , would that make you resent him?

Gamgee Wed 01-Jun-16 21:20:33

Hi, thanks to you both for your comments. Mrstumbletap I totally agree with you about your feeling about it bring your body and life that's affected. He's the main earner as I only work two days a week jn a very low paid job so we couldn't afford for him to be a stay at home dad. By his own admission though he wouldn't want to either. He really enjoys going out to work and does get easily frustrated by our toddler. Lighthouse, it must be incredibly upsetting wanting another child and not being able to have one because of your partners wishes. In my situation I know that if we had another child I would again be doing the majority of the child care so it would affect my life much more than his. He goes to work 5 days a week whilst I work 2, his career is able to progress whilst mine will not. I love spending time with our toddler and enjoy being able to give her my sole attention. If we had another then I couldn't do that as much. I also worry that i'll get a post natal illness again. I wouldn't resent him if he convinced me to change my mind but I would expect him to help out more in the early days than he did last time.

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