Feeling constantly broody but not sure if ready for a second baby... How do people decide?(5 Posts)
I've been wanting a second baby ever since having my first, was trying to convince DH for the last 2 years, he always disagreed but recently he's changed his mind. He seems ready to start TTC already this year! Suddenly now it's become a reality, well, a real option, I feel really worried about making the right decision. Which is odd, as we leapt right into TTC for our first with no difficulties deciding, despite only being in our early 20s at the time.
Anyway, today I read this stupid sappy blog post and it's made me really question whether I want another one. All the comments from other mums on Facebook seemed to agree that there is a horrendous feeling of guilt after having a new baby, as they can't prioritise or spend more time with their first born.
I know that in terms of my age (26) I've got plenty of time for more kids. However I almost feel like it's now or never, as I don't want to start all over again 10 or 15 years down the line. I know many people start families later but our 'strategy' was to get kids out of the way while we're young, so I feel like we need an age gap less than 5 years, that we can truly get our life back by the time we're 50...!
How on earth do people decide when it's the right time?
There is 2.4 years between my two. Youngest is now 4 months.
I cried my eyes out 3 days after he was born, worried about how I'd ruined my dd's life. Needless to say, that didn't last long!
I wanted a smallish age gap to get it over with and I'm glad as I can't imagine having got totally out of the small child phase just to go through it all again, but that's me.
Unfortunately there is no half having a child. You either do it or not. I spent ages agonising as to whether to go for another. I realised I wasn't done with pregnancy and babies. I wanted my daughter to have a sibling and playmate (not guaranteed obviously!) but better chance if smallish age gap. I knew I'd made the right decision when I found out I was pregnant and after the initial panic, a sense of peace was felt.
Life would be simpler with one, but it's not double the work by a long way- you have done it all before, you have a routine with the first already, you are already running a bath etc...Logistically it can be tricky at times, but not impossible.
Seeing them interact is lovely. My daughter has been really caring towards her little brother and it's been heart warming to watch.
That's my story. It's something only you can answer for yourself though. All the best with you decision.
A key thing to consider is financial - childcare costs if you work. Children can't be planned for any time with a guarantee, but I assume your first will have some free hours?
I will have 16, almost 17 months between my two when DC2 arrives. We decided that the time was right for us. I didn't go back to my old job after having Dd, so rather than wait until she's older, and then I go back to work, get comfortable in a job and then have dc2 and start the cycle of maternity leave and "do I go back or don't I go back" we decided to do it now.
We hadn't ever decided to have another one but when we started thinking about 2 years after DD was born, it we had a holiday and friend's wedding booked so decided to wait until after them and decide how we felt. After an agonising few weeks of "should we, shouldn't we" we decided to try again and decided that if it happened, it happened. The first month, it didn't happen,not unusual. The second month it didn't happen. Disappointed but not unusual. Third month it didn't happen. Convinced I was unable to have more kids and accepted it probably never would (come from a long line of one-child families).
I think what sealed if for me was the disappointment I felt so soon after trying, made us realise that deep down we did want more children if possible but were scared of trying in case we couldn't and also scared of "starting again" with a sizeable age gap between them.
Anyway, happened on month 4 and due any day now! The "guilt" I felt near the beginning of how DD would react and how she wouldn't be an only child has completely diminished, there will be just under a 4 year age gap, she is at school more and more and so I feel I will have time with the baby and have made the most of every minute I could with her before she goes off to school full time.
Got to be honest though don't think there ever really is a "right" time, you have age on your side which is a good thing. Good luck with whatever you decide
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