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I desperately want another child, DH doesn't

(2 Posts)
YumBountyChoc Tue 10-May-16 23:14:33

I'm relatively young, only 24 and have a gorgeous 10 month old DD with my DH.

DD was an accident and right up until the day I found out I was pregnant, I was unsure about wanting children. When I found out I was pregnant I considered an abortion, which I now feel guilty about. But I adore her now she's here. DH always wanted children, and when he proposed to me told me he wanted children with me one day.

For the first 6 months of DDs life I was adamant I didn't want anymore children, but since she's developed her own personality and is really adorable and loveable I can't imagine her being an only child. She's so loving and caring, adores other children and I think she'd make a fantastic big sister. She kisses and cuddles other babies, even when I'm holding them. She holds hands with older toddlers and children. If we pass other babies/children in the supermarket she stares lovingly at them. She'd be brilliant.

I have a brother, he's 14 months younger than me. He's honestly my best friend, and even though we fought growing up we have always been close. I can't imagine my life without him and I know he feels the same about me. We talk on the phone once a week and text every other day, we are regularly at each others houses (although he lives with our mum) having dinner or just hanging out. I want that for my daughter, although I know there's no guarantees.

DH has a sister, but he's indifferent to her. She's 5 and a half years younger than him so they never went to the same school, never had the same interests or friends. He knows nothing about her even now - he can't even tell you her favourite colour, and although they're civil with each other you'd never know they were brother and sister unless told as they act so indifferent to each other. Like I said I know this could happen with close age siblings, but I do think the age gap has something to do with it.

So I've been discussing a sibling for DD with DH, my plan was to start trying in October with the hope any baby would be due just after DDs 2nd birthday.

DH has said no, he doesn't want anymore at all, and it's not up for discussion. DD's been an easy baby; slept through the night since 6 weeks old, only been to the doctors once with what turned out to be a viral infection, hardly cries, and is happy to just be left to play on the floor/in her cot for 30 mins or so. Apparently he doesn't want to push our luck and have a "hard" baby next time. He loves our life as a family of 3 (4 if you count our cat) and can't imagine himself with another.

What can I do? Not sure if it's a dealbreaker or not for me. I don't want a large age gap, and worried if I leave it that's what'll happen or we'll never have another child at all.

He's a brilliant dad to DD; has cut down to 4 days a week at work so he can spend time with her, takes her out once a week to give me a break, is always bringing little presents home for both me and DD when he goes out with his friends (1-2 times a month). We have a big support network too; both my DM and PILs live within 15minute drive of our house and love seeing DD, my best friend will happily help out with childcare in return for us helping out with her 9 year old once a fortnight (we literally walk him home from school (30mins) and meet his mum at their front door), and another couple who we know through DHs work are always happy to babysit, all have said if we have more children they'll help.

So I'm unsure why he feels we can't have anymore. I'm just gutted I think, I really wanted a sibling for my DD sad

Yellow10 Wed 11-May-16 21:05:34

I can sympathise. It hurts! We have 1 dd(6) and My dh refuses to have any more. I've spent the last 2 years grieving for what I won't have but have realised that my family of 3 means more to me than children that don't yet exist.

Really talk to each other and understand one another's feelings. I resented my DH for a long time but I couldn't disagree with his reasons - he too thinks we've already got it good so why spoil it.

You are young, and you never know what time will bring.

I don't think there is anything you can do at this moment. Would you really want him to agree to another and then possibly resent you later? How would that make you feel? I certainly didn't want that and thought that would ruin our relationship.

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