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Feeling guilty I haven't had another child sooner

(8 Posts)
charlotte3009 Tue 19-Apr-16 14:02:52

My DS will be 7 this summer. We had always planned to have two children but after a brain injury 5 years ago my DH has suffered with ED. I wish now that we had tried to figure something out sooner regarding conception as now I'm feeling that 7 years is too big a gap between siblings? AIBU to think that? And has anybody managed to conceive although their partner has ED?

I guess I've buried my head in the sand about it for the last 5 years and now I'm feeling guilty and sad. sad

Flumplet Tue 19-Apr-16 14:08:43

I feel the same as you OP but my DS is 5 summer and he'll be at least 6 before any sibling makes an appearance. At least you can rest assured that your DS has been lucky to have you all to himself so far. I know how you're feeling though and sending you flowers

Crisscrosscranky Mon 02-May-16 14:29:01

flowers I was 19 when we had DD, I would have liked another but as young parents I'm not sure our relationship would have survived the financial or mental strain of two young kids. We're now married and very 'stable' but I feel 9 years is too big an age gap so I don't think we'll ever have a 2nd DC. DD has also decided she likes being an only child and is insistent she DOESN'T want a sibling!

Just enjoy every second with your DS and he'll be grateful for a lovely childhood regardless of lack of siblings I'm sure.

Undertheboredwalk Mon 02-May-16 14:43:25

From the other side, I have DD1 -15, DD2 - 3.10, DS1 - 2.4 and am expecting DC4, due on Weds! grin

There's 11 years between DD1 and DD2. I worried that it was far too much but really it's been absolutely fine, there are pros and cons to big and small gaps, it really shouldn't be a reason not to have another if you want one.

nightandthelight Tue 03-May-16 11:47:51

Big age gaps are the best. There at 8,10 and 13 years between me and my brothers. Everyone with siblings close in age seem to have spent their entire childhoods fighting and only made up in adulthood. I have always had an awesome relationship with my brothers smile

Lymmmummy Tue 03-May-16 14:25:33

You have been through a very difficult time so I think should give yourself a break and a pat on the back

I am about to give my DD a sibling she will be 5 and a half at the time baby is due and we started trying 6 months after DD was born😀 I wish like you that it could have been different but on the other hand my oldest child has had lots of time with us and is very settled in her relationship and will definitely love being a proper older sister in the way that being say 2 years apart cannot deliver. My DD has been longing for a sibling and I think this made the difference in us continuing to try rather than just accepting she would be an only - if she had not been bothered I think we would have just called it a day. Being an only is actually a very good option regardless of a lot of the silly negativity it still tends to bring

Also there is no guarantee having children closer in age will necessarily make them closer - yes I know of friends whose children are inseparable if they have the classic 2 year gap especially if they are of the same sex. But equally I also know of others where the children literally cannot stand each other - in particular one boy whose brother (2 years older) constantly punches him - there is also with small age gaps the pressure to then invite the older sibling in this case the brother and several of his friends (because lots of other people have 2 year age gaps so lots of the younger boys friends also had brothers 2 yrs older) to the younger brothers birthday party/play dates etc - at the younger lads birthday party the older boys literally ruined the lads birthday - sure this is uncommon and many kids born closer together are inseparable etc - but my point is whatever situation you have is never perfect -

ListenToYourHeart Tue 03-May-16 14:31:11

I don't think that is a too big age gap to be honest.

There is a 17 year age gap between me and my sister, growing up a lot of people thought she was my mum when we went out together but I loved it, she loved it and my mum had someone to help her out when needed!

I look up to her so much now, and we have a great relationship so I definitely don't think 7 years is a bad gap!

MrEBear Sun 15-May-16 17:06:57

It is what it is, your options are either a 7 year gap or no gap. Personally id go for it you will learn to deal with the gap.

Im in same position as Lymmmummy, newly pregnant my older child will be almost 6. how far along were you when you told DD about the baby?

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