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When does all the talk of babies stop?!

(28 Posts)
Needmorewine Fri 12-Feb-16 19:48:01

We have one DD 2.10. We are very happy and plan to stick with just one for the foreseeable future. No reason I can articulate particularly well - I just don't have that urge and love no longer being in the baby stage, enjoying time to myself when she is at pre school, enjoying doing my post grad. However I feel very much in the minority, I honestly am not joking when I say I have not met ONE other parent who plans to stick at one. Feel I am fielding questions about no.2 off all the time - and DD is now the only one out of our friendship group with no siblings - everyone has either had no 2 already or is pregnant. I'm quite a private person and I don't feel like I need to keep justifying our decision. But I don't want to be rude or negative about having a second, I think bigger families are lovely it's just not for us!! Anyone had to deal with anything similar ?

Muskateersmummy Fri 12-Feb-16 19:50:37

Yep! Ours is nearly 4 and I still told she needs a "playmate" ....

We struggled to have her, nearly lost her, will never have anymore. Those that know our struggle and our reasons understand. Everyone else .... Says we are selfish.

No advice, just wanted you to know your not alone flowers

Needmorewine Fri 12-Feb-16 20:01:23

People can be very thoughtless Muskateers flowers it's amazing how much pressure there is to have a second - the playmate comment makes me want to stick pins in my eyes - surely every child should be wanted for their own sake

IsItMeOr Fri 12-Feb-16 20:06:23

This will be absolutely no consolation, but 6yo DS now talks about his (non-existent) younger sibling fairly often.

There are a few of us about, don't worry. Try to do the MNet smile and nod and forget about it.

Needmorewine Mon 22-Feb-16 17:16:39

Bumping to see if anyone else gets the same. We went to a wedding this weekend, I must have been asked seven or eight times....half of them by people I only vaguely know?! Gaa!

LalaLeona Thu 25-Feb-16 10:02:08

Think people are so thoughtless and just trying to make small talk, they probably don't mean anything by it, don't realise how much it hurts/annoys us! People have been saying that to me for years (dd is 9) anyway I've unexpectedly got pregnant again, now I seem to have different irritating comments since I announced this pregnancy..shocked faces followed by remarks such as 'that's a big gap you're working with' or 'I couldn't go through all that again after 9 years' etc etc..people are just generally tactless I think no matter what you do! Have to screen them out and enjoy your life and stand by your decisions!

Needmorewine Thu 25-Feb-16 21:15:57

Thanks lala it drives me potty !! I was always taught it was rude to delve into / comment on people's personal lives / choices ! Good Luck with the rest of your pregnancy and number two. I think a nine year age gap sounds lovely and infinitely more enjoyable than two close together

TK1930 Thu 25-Feb-16 22:44:58

Yes me! ((Waves))
DD 2.5
Have no desire for another.
Had a great birth, baby stage etc but just not had the urge to go through it all again.
Enjoying a bit of 'me' time again!!
I'm the odd one out. All friends have more than one or are preg with second.

Needmorewine Fri 26-Feb-16 06:50:57

((Waves back to TK))

Hooray ! Someone else ! The me time is great isn't it now they're getting slightly older. I looooove getting DD off to preschool and coming home to a quiet house.

It seems to be the done thing to have number two when number one is two or three. Maybe as they get older people will stop asking i.e. leave us alone

FedUpWithBriiiiiick Fri 26-Feb-16 06:58:15

DS is 6 and people have sort of stopped asking, well people who know me have stopped.

Complete strangers still think it's a conversation piece hmm

MyBreadIsEggy Fri 26-Feb-16 07:10:50

My cousin came round to do my hair the other day, and was telling me how our Grandmother keeps on at her about how she's "left it way too late to have another now" (her DS is 13) She gets it from all angles from every member of the family because she's the "odd one out" for only having one child hmm
We come from a big family, where everyone has 2 or more children. I might be pregnant with number 2 (waiting to test this weekend!! grin) and I am aching for another baby....but then I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy when I see my cousin put photos on Facebook of herself, her DH and DS on holiday at DisneyWorld, and on weekend spa trips with her friends!
The size of your family is a very personal decision, and people should just keep their noses out.

louise987 Mon 07-Mar-16 15:34:59

You're not alone! I wish is wasn't an issue.
I despair how people feel it's appropriate to ask for your rational around your family planning. I was an only child and we plan to stick at one. I'm not going to justify it to anyone just as I don't need people to explain why they had multiple children.

We love our DD dearly and am happy in our decision. I'm with yousmile

lozwil Wed 09-Mar-16 08:38:22

I have ds who is 5 we had him after a mc, and last spring I fell pregnant again I think although we did want another I think one of the reasons we did it was down to people asking and all of ds friends having siblings I mc again and ended having surgery we have decided to stick at on and we r still getting questions about having another. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having one child I just wish others wouldn't question it I wouldn't dream of asking people I know don't u wish u had stopped at 2 x

confusedandemployed Wed 09-Mar-16 08:41:41

DD has just turned 3, I'm nearly 43 and I still get it.

The thought of going back to cluster feeding, disturbed nights (I won't say sleepless, DD was always great at sleeping), baby groups and the like turns my insides to mush. Ugh.

Loving preschool stage and I'm told it just gets better.

voluptuagoodshag Wed 09-Mar-16 08:49:43

Slightly different topic but it's the same if you've been seeing a guy for a bit, lots of comments about wedding bells, moving in etc. Why are folk so bothered to pigeonhole people. A FB pal recently posted a pic of herself and her boyfriend on their anniversary after they'd met and some poster had to put a comment about being a bride soon. I wanted to punch her. Why not just leave it that this couple are happy and their marital status, or not, has no impact on your life whatsoever! Same for one baby - when are you having another. Same if you don't work - when are you going back to work? It drives me nuts!!!!! Counter the questions by asking them the exact opposite. Ask why they had more than one. It makes them uncomfortable when they realise that their original question is ridiculously nosey and none of their business but they still feel obliged to answer your question. For the singles, ask the marrieds why they got married. For the non-working peeps, ask the questioner if they are thinking about giving up work. It works a treat!!!!!

lozwil Wed 09-Mar-16 08:58:15

Ohhh might try that I have had someone ask my about why I work full time when I have a child and should be taking care of them.

I agree at the thought of no sleep ds had to be woken every 3 hrs for his first yr to be given a feed due to his low weight I don't think I could do that again and he has just decided he is too big for cbebbies as well

Needmorewine Wed 09-Mar-16 09:30:24

Thanks for responding everyone wine and flowers to you all !! I'm just off for a run having dropped DD at pre school (oh the joys of not having to come home and deal with another child grin) but will reply properly later

Murphyslaw21 Wed 09-Mar-16 09:34:36

Same here. Mine is 10 months and for the last 6 months I've been asked the same. Now I get cross and say let me enjoy her she is only 10 months. I do want another but not just yet.

It's not a race.

If that dosent work and they keep on I do get down. Last time I said "when I'm bloody ready". That worked.

almostthirty Wed 09-Mar-16 09:37:42

It doesn't stop even if you have another. I.have 2 dc 4 and 2 and still get asked when I'm having another angry

MariaV0nTrapp Wed 09-Mar-16 09:42:59

I come from a large family as did Dh and we have a large family too. My DB obviously comes from the same large family as me and DSIL also comes from a large family. They have one child she is 7. They won't have anymore as DSIL had an awful pregnancy and was hospitalised with hyperemysis (sp?) They still, very regularly, get people, including my mother, asking them when dc2 will come along as my niece needs a playmate. I don't think it ever ends to be honest. Maybe when she is in her teens people will get the idea. I don't know.

MariaV0nTrapp Wed 09-Mar-16 09:44:02

almostthirty yep. I have 9. Still get asked it too.

juneau Wed 09-Mar-16 09:59:41

However many you have people still ask if you're going to have another. I have two boys and lost count of the number of people who asked if we going to have a third or, my particular bugbear 'try for a girl'. No, no and hell no! They think they're making conversation, but its just tedious, rude and invasive.

VocationalGoat Wed 09-Mar-16 10:21:07

I have 3 but relate well because until DC1 was 8, he was a single child. I remarried and had two more which is great and of course I appreciate and adore them but 1 DC was always my 'plan'. Well, plans change.

But I was a much better, more hands on, not knackered or strained, more balanced mother and individual with one child. It was an outstanding dynamic, one my other two have missed out on. They get other good stuff but they don't get the best or the most of me and I need me time. I'm not a natural earth mother. I need my own time to continue growing and learning and at the moment, I don't get that with 3 kids.

As an American, I find people over here way too obsessed with having the 'perfect' family, X number of kids with the perfect age gap. It's a bit of a race towards perfection, family planning is and it really drives me nuts. And people are too opinionated about the family circumstances of others. They tend to decide for you what you can and cannot cope with, as if we can plan one perfect little boy, one glorious girl, and no miscarriages in between. "Try for a girl." confused
We don't have much say in the matter...our bodies sort of decide what it will do with that sperm and egg.

Congratulations on your children by the way.

Sunbeam18 Wed 09-Mar-16 10:28:50

I've got one (2.9) too and def not having any more. I don't really get asked much if I'm having another as I'm 43!

crookedhooker Wed 09-Mar-16 10:34:18

DS is almost 9 has a genetic condition which means he is quite seriously life limited and people still ask me. We decided not to have anymore due to this though I'm aching for another baby but we feel we can't take the risk. I may throat punch the next person who comments on it.

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