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I feel upset/guilty when I hear others talk about big days out with all the kids over Christmas when there's just the 3 of us

(8 Posts)
ukgirlatheart Tue 08-Dec-15 11:25:47

We have one DS age 10 and not much family around, one grandparent who is frail and elderly plus most cousins etc are double the age of DS.

Most friends have 3-4 kids and were talking this week about big family gatherings, days out with all their kids over the next few weeks. Ive hinted about perhaps tagging along but I get the impression that they want to do it as a family which is understandable.

Why do I feel sad - there is just the 3 of us and although we do have lovely days out planned I feel a little sad that it's just us and that our DS will find it boring and look back on how there was only just the 3 of us sad

Allgunsblazing Tue 08-Dec-15 11:47:11

You have to make an effort with your family, and that's not just at christmas. When was the last time you actually went in person to wish Happy Birthday to any of the cousins? When was the last time you inconvenienced yourself to travel long hours for a family get together?
You see, I am the eldest and a bit of a dragon. I make them all do stuff as a family and we actually phone to remind each other: it's so and so's b'day/graduation/name day/bought the house day etc, do call, send a card, a present etc. You know those harmonious families at long ladden tables? It's a bloody pain in the proverbial to get them like that. Invariably someone starts an AIBU about the sprouts not being served warm and whatnot. You need to compromise. Doesn't matter if there is a big gap between cousins' ages, it's family.

Deux Tue 08-Dec-15 11:48:05

What about asking DS if he'd like to take a friend along? I think that works well from this age group and upwards. Also takes the pressure off you and DH too.

Allgunsblazing Tue 08-Dec-15 11:50:36

Oh, btw, I have an only child too. Not only is she my only child, she's THE only child in the immediate family. They all pinch her cheeks and tease her mercilessly. She had permanently attached herself to headphones and hudl and has the social skill of a neandethal. She's coming to the family dos.

BillMurrey Tue 08-Dec-15 12:03:49

Don't hint. Just ask another family/set of cousins if they would like to do x with you.

I have a big family, doing lots of what you describe, but there are no boys my ds's age and he is also the youngest. So I now meet up with 3 friends and their sons for an outing each school holiday. Its a great arrangement and suits us all. We take it in turns to arrange something - either a day out or just time at each others houses. Sometimes other siblings and partners come along too.

I basically did it by asking 5 of the mums (of ds's friends) if they'd like to come out for the day with us about 4 years ago. That group has changed as some weren't up for regular meetups like this, and others have been invited along who weren't part of the original group. But for last 18 months its just been us four families and it's great.

ukgirlatheart Tue 08-Dec-15 12:52:27

All guns family is dotted around the world really - live in Austraila, Scotland (500 mile round trip) so bit hard to nip over to say Happy Birthday lol!!!

Im just feeling it I suppose, Im blessed to have our little family and have lots planned but think it's more the fact I do regret not having more children (although TTC was difficult) Im just feeling sorry for myself.

Im over it now and we will have a great time Im sure - we have a family wedding in March so will be nice to get together then

Thumbcat Fri 18-Dec-15 12:41:43

Personally I feel that I do more fun stuff with DS because he is an only. I would never want to go anywhere if I had to be in charge of three or four children - nor could I afford to!

Going out with a big group can be fun, but I've found DS often prefers it when it's just the three of us.

plantsitter Fri 18-Dec-15 12:52:05

There is SO much marketing about what everyone gets up to at Christmas. You can't escape it at the moment. Even if people are going on lovely days out with a big group of people, do you think it's all laughing at the twinkly lights and swinging people round in the middle of a crunchy frosty field, wrapped up in gorgeous knitwear? No. It's holding your tongue because Aunty Violet keeps making back handed compliments about your healthy appetite, the kids squabbling over who gets to be the big sister in mums and dads, and arguments of exactly how much and what telly to watch. All the while haemmoraghing money out the wazoo. I mean, I'm not saying it's not fun, but take the fun as it happens not as you THINK it's happening to other people.

Your 3-person Christmas holidays sound lovely to me.

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