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(7 Posts)
lighthouse17 Sat 14-Nov-15 08:27:30

I spoke to my husband yesterday and of course it ended up in an argument again. He hates the subject of having another child. Anyway in the argument he said one of his reasons for not wanting another child is because he couldn't go through another stressful year as I had PND and I was very depressed. I wasn't happy at all and kept moaning at him and we argued quite a lot. He is scared that it will end our marriage as it nearly did before. He said he can't cope with me going crazy again. He does have a valid point and I might or I might not have PND again but is it worth risking our marriage? Obviously not but it means that I just stick to one child? Arghhh so difficult. I wish I didn't have all these problems when I had our DD. Anyone in the same boat? What are your thoughts?

FishenNuggets Wed 18-Nov-15 00:03:34

I didn't have PND but I did have a traumatic birth. When we decided to try again, we put in place measures that would provide better support mechanisms eg moving closer to family, having my counsellor on standby and a ELCS supported by my physio, GP and surgeon.

Unfortunately it wasn't to be for us. We are a 3.

But what can you both put in place to make sure you are better supported?

lighthouse17 Wed 18-Nov-15 09:37:08

hiya thank you for your reply. I am on medication now for depression and I will be starting counselling soon so I am hoping that I will get better soon. I am already feeling soooo much better as time goes by and I don't want to go back to the first horrible years again. I just feel that having 2 kids is going to affect my marriage as I will suffer with PND again. I never want to go through it again to be honest but I don't know how I am going to be full-filled if I don't have another child. I wish I didn't want to have another. I come to this forum and read about benefits of having only one so that I change my mind. it hasn't happened yet sad

NicM87 Wed 18-Nov-15 10:54:53

I am desperate for another baby, but my boyfriend really doesn't.. We have one 10 month old son, but he also has two boys (3&4) who come every other weekend, we only have a 2bedroom house so it would mean we would have to move which would be difficult financially, and I know in my head it would be extremely difficult with 4 children on the weekends the boys are here, but I'm desperate, my partner can give valid reasons why it's not a good idea at the moment which I completely agree with, but in my body & heart I'm desperate but I can't explain that to him!
Sorry this is not much help to you!! confused

lighthouse17 Wed 18-Nov-15 12:02:05

I am in the exact same situation as you, my husband is giving me very valid reasons for not having another but my heart says otherwise. I wish I could change how my heart feels, hoping that it will and I can move on.

FishenNuggets Thu 19-Nov-15 09:40:26

My head knows that TTC for us is over and my head is quite relieved that we have stopped trying. But I still get quite emotional over DS being an only child, and feel guilty that we cannot provide a sibling. Which makes no sense because my siblings' relationship is in tatters, so I of all people know there are no guarantees!

But I had a good session with my counsellor this week about this very thing. Sometimes it helps just to chat through things with someone who isn't judgmental and isn't involved. I feel a bit more detached from the emotions today.

LionsTeeth Thu 19-Nov-15 10:17:29

My DM had PND after I was born and for that reason I am an only child. I'm fine with that. I had an amazing childhood and I have an excellent relationship with both of my parents. Obviously I can't advise you whether or not to have another child, but in my opinion I would rather have happy, healthy parents than a sibling, and being an only child has never been an issue for me.

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