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coming to terms with having an only child

(5 Posts)
lighthouse17 Wed 04-Nov-15 13:47:54

I am 37 years old and have a 2 year old daughter born by C-section as she was breech. I still suffer with chronic back aches and also I suffered with PND afterwards for a year. she was a very difficult baby with colic and just didn't want to sleep. She is a wonderful toddler now but gets very sick often and still fussy with sleep. She already had and operation to have a grommit fitted in her ear to prevent ear infections.
my husband never really wanted to have a child but he agreed to have a baby after 10 years of marriage. And now he doesn't want another baby because of all the problems,sleepless nights and who can blame him! He said there is no way he can go through the difficult 2 years again.
I always wanted 2 children and my heart still wants another one but if I think logically I we shouldn't as even if he agreed to have another somehow (magically) it would put a massive strain on our relationship. But if he was happy to have another naturally I would definitely have another baby. so I am not sure myself what I am trying to get to by writing here but I just wanted to know your opinions on this as this is a subject where I can't discuss it with friends or family sad
I know that my husband would never ever be happy to have another child and I just have to give in and stick to one child. How do I get over longing for another child... and I am 37 so I haven't got long either to have another sad

SunnyDays1987 Fri 06-Nov-15 09:06:10

Sorry to hear you're feeling upset about not having another child. I have a DS who is 10 months and I had a difficult pregnancy and birth. We always thought we would have two children but now we are thinking for practical reasons as well as me not wanting to go through pregnancy again, that we might only have one. It's a very difficult decision though and I do spend a lot of time thinking about it and reading up on only children. My husband is 100% sure he doesn't want another but I don't know if one day my hormones will tell me I want another. I think men thinking more logically because they have a bit more of a detachment from Mother Nature?! I suppose the only way to get through it is to focus on all the positive things of just having one? There is a great thread on here that lists loads and loads of reasons.

lighthouse17 Sat 07-Nov-15 19:10:13

Thank you for your reply. I also found pregnancy and while motherhood hard work but I just have this dream of having another baby. I just don't feel complete but if I think logically I really couldn't handle stress of having 2 kids and full time job. If my husband was on board 100 percent than I would go for it. I just don't know whether to just accept having an only and move on or try to convince my husband which probably not a good idea. I don't know why I want another child badly though. It's something I always thought it would happen. Oh why does if have to so difficult ?

SunnyDays1987 Mon 09-Nov-15 14:09:29

I really don't know. I always think if I have to talk my husband in to it then if I'm having a moan about how hard it is he might not be quite as understanding as he was with our first! I'm sure it's just nature's way of making sure we continue to procreate. I don't think it'll be easy to tell yourself you don't want another if you desperately do though. You probably do have to make your decision quite soon though if you want another. Do you think you could talk him round if you decide you can't live with only having one?

lighthouse17 Mon 09-Nov-15 14:43:24

hi sunnydays, I know that my husband won't be happy having another one in a year but he said you never know in a couple of years, I just cant hold on to that as he may never agree on having another. I keep talking to him about this subject and it drives him mad. He hates the talk about a second child. He is very happy as it is now but I love to have a big family so I am looking at things long term. He is an introvert and he likes having his own time and quiet time. it would drive him mad if kids were fighting, etc... and he has a brother which he doesn't talk to so he is not into siblings etc...
but I have a sister and a brother so I love having a big family.
I really think that my husband will never be happy with the stress of 2 children so I am soooo scared to convince him into having another. I am so scared of losing my husband as having our DD added so much stress into our marriage in the first year. We had so many arguments and it changed our relationship.

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