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Will being an only child be ok?

(16 Posts)
Csimms Wed 05-Aug-15 22:16:02

I'm 38 and have a ds of 5 years old. My husband is 30 years older than me with four grown up children. I had to have ivf to have him and would love to have another child. But after test 3 years ago I was told that my egg reserve was low and that there was only a 40% chance of my having another baby. We financially could not afford the risk of it not working.
My ds is a happy and polite little boy, but I feel guilty that he is an only child. I don't think that it helps that I work full time 5 days a week so I miss out on a lot.
He sometimes says to me that no one likes him and no one wants to play with him, but he had lots of friends at school.
Today was hard as I was holding a friend's baby and he said to me, do you wish we had a baby. Made me feel really sad.
Am I worrying over nothing, will he be ok being an only child?

MaudeTheMopLady Wed 05-Aug-15 23:25:52

I'm having a similar dilemma! DS is four and my husband is nearly 30 years older than me. I am trying to come to terms with just having one as my health has not been good (Also had a miscarriage earlier this year) and DH feels one is enough - and that he is too old to do it all again. I think you should try again only if you have a deep yearning for another child. Not just for the sake of your DS. There is no guarantee he would get on with his sibling anyway... Another poster said to me (and it really helped) that there's nothing wrong with just having one child. Best of luck with your decision.

SecondToughestInTheInfants Wed 05-Aug-15 23:42:15

I have one DD and would have loved to have another DC, but can't. DD is an IVF baby and we tried again but it didn't work. No money left for another go. I'm having to let it go and find positive things about having one DC to focus on.
My mum was an only child and I spoke to her about it before she died. She said she loved knowing that she never had to compete for attention. My BF is an only child and is the most generous, interested and interesting person I know - and because she spent her childhood surrounded by her parents' friends, she is excellent at making conversation with anyone.
My DD (5) sometimes makes similar comments about wishing she had a baby brother, and sometimes it does make me sad, but I tell her that DH and I are so lucky to have her and that's enough for us. And it is, honestly smile

Hissette Wed 05-Aug-15 23:52:27

I was in a similar position. I now have an 8 year old and an 18 month old after a lot of fertility treatment.

My advice is - have another child if YOU actually want (and can cope with, and afford) another child. Don't just do it for the sake of your DC1.

Hissette Thu 06-Aug-15 00:00:50

Didn't finish... I don't regret DC2 for one second, but I think DC1 does. Even though the age gap is big they get along well. But DC1 misses the time we had together. If anything she feels lonelier now when we're at home, because I can't spend time playing we her like I used too because I have to look after the toddler too. There are activities she misses out on because they're too old for DC2.

It might be different when they're older, it's hard to predict.

HarrietSchulenberg Thu 06-Aug-15 01:07:05

I am an only child and I've turned out OK smile.
To be fair, I would have loved to have lots of brothers and sisters and unconsciously gravitated towards friends from big families, but as an adult I am much more independent and resilient than most as I've had to be.

3579little Thu 06-Aug-15 01:13:42

I tend to think only children are often very close to their parents. They also have opportunities to share interests in a way that is nice (and easier than if there are several children).

3579little Thu 06-Aug-15 01:17:45

Meant to add that kids often say they didn't play with anyone or join in any games when they are little then when you check with the ta or parent helper it turns out they have plenty of buddies and played football all afternoon. No idea why kids say this!

Csimms Thu 06-Aug-15 07:35:32

Thanks for all your comments. I am lucky to have been able to have my ds. As you have all said he will be ok and is lucky we can spend the quality time with him.

Fairylea Thu 06-Aug-15 07:40:06

I am an only child myself, now aged 35.

I love being an only child. I would have hated to have siblings and didn't ever like sharing with anyone else! I loved playing on my own, I had a really good imagination and used to play lots of games on my own. The only thing I would say is now as an adult I don't enjoy having friends and I enjoy my own company - but I'm not lonely. I guess it's just the type of person I am!

Being an only child is absolutely fine smile

bikeandrun Thu 06-Aug-15 07:50:16

I love having two children but my DD is away on summer camp and i am having a week alone with ds. He is behaving so well with more individual attention, we have been doing things together sport wise which can be really tricky to do in a three. He feels like my little buddy this week! No squabbling is wonderful too, I can see the advantages of having one child ( love and miss dd though!)

absolutelynotfabulous Thu 06-Aug-15 07:54:55

I'm an only child, and dd is an only too. In retrospect I think I'd like to have had another, for dd's sake BUT she's perfectly happy being an only herself. There are many only children now; in dd's primary class there were 7.

Like a pp, I think being an only can build a certain kind of independence and resilience. However I've seen other oc's where a pfb attitude has led to spoiling.

The only time when I've regretted being an only myself was when my mother and auntie died and I was the only one able to deal with the formalities.

It can also be a bit of a strain being the centre of attention all the time (and not in a good way.....).

Ds will be fine, honestly.

Vagndidit Thu 06-Aug-15 08:10:23

I've recently given up the quest for a sibling for DS(7). I have loads of unresolved fertility issues, am nearing 40, and neither the energy or £££ to deal with them. That being said, I really love the close relationship I've developed with DS. Since starting school he has grown into such a great little person and not to be ridiculously twee about it, but there's a great friendship there that I don't think could have developed if there were siblings around.

I am also an only child and I consider my relationship with my parents to be very close. I had a fantastic childhood and had loads of opportunities my friends with siblings never got to enjoy. So there are plusses. Don't buy into the whole "feel sad for onlies" culture. Just myths perpetuated by insecurities.

Kampeki Thu 06-Aug-15 08:15:32

I didn't plan for dd to be an only child, but that's how things turned out. Actually, I love the close relationship that we have developed and the time and attention that I'm able to give her. She has fabulous social skills and tons of friends. I have asked her if she wishes she had a sibling, and it seems that she is quite happy as she is. smile

UniS Thu 06-Aug-15 08:19:32

Only children are just fine.

davidjrmum Thu 06-Aug-15 08:29:33

Just wanted to reassure you re the "no-one likes me, no-one wants to play with me" comment. My kids say this from time to time and they have siblings. And as someone else said above it's usually a very different story from the teacher who says they have lots of friends at school. If my kids says this now I usually say something like "well I love you lots". I suppose what I'm trying to say is that kids say things that make you feel guilty sometimes whatever your circumstances.

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