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Why am I questioning decision to stick with one?

(12 Posts)
JohnLewisAddict Thu 07-May-15 19:14:11

We have one DS who we absolutely adore and who has been a good baby/toddler so far. We've pretty much made the decision that we'll stick at one without making it 'official' as such.

I'm fine with this - I don't think I want any more, don't feel broody, like the lifestyle we can afford with only one and don't feel that anything is missing from our family. Of course, this may change in the future and I realise that.

3 of my friends have recently announced they're having another and it's making me think about whether sticking with one is the right decision. For some reason, I feel pressure from somewhere (I don't know where.....society maybe) that it's not right to only have one child. Is this normal? Do/did you question your decision to stick with one? I don't know what's come over's amazing how you can be so influenced by what is deemed to be the 'normal' family!

bluebeanie Thu 07-May-15 19:36:44

Hi. I know what you mean. Always thought I'd just have one, but here I am with a 19 month old and 4dpo waiting until next Friday to see if there may be dc2. Cacking myself.

I'm on holiday at the most moment in a family resort. I looked around and saw older only DC and thought maybe not? I'm torn. We have no family nearby and I'd have to go part time. What will be will be I guess. Having one would be so much more simple, but my heart says otherwise...sorry. No help. How old is DC?

JohnLewisAddict Thu 07-May-15 19:48:56

Awww, hope it's the right outcome for you (whatever that may be!). DS is 18 months and we have no family near us either. Just the cost of 2 kids in nursery 4 days each per week is a frightening thought. I honestly don't know if we'd cope financially with that as we don't have any grandparents to rely on for childcare. People also like to tell me it's more than double the work with 2!

bluebeanie Thu 07-May-15 20:20:55

Oh really? Darn. Is it possible you could wait a bit and spread out cost of childcare? We'd only afford it because of random unexpected inheritance and I resent having to use it for that! Love your username BTW. I love JL! I spend a bomb on children clothes in their sales. The quality is fantastic.

I read somewhere on here the key is to qustion if you would regret your decision in 5 years time. The decision really isn't easy. I'm a twin who had similar interests and went to the same school as my sister at the same time. The logistics of 2 different aged children is mind boggling to me!

Is it 'just' society pressure or do you have a little niggle within you? If you had to sell the baby stuff tomorrow, what would you think? Or if you were a few days late? What would you think?

JohnLewisAddict Thu 07-May-15 21:50:14

Thanks! I love JL too! We did the nursery appointment thingy with them and I spent a FORTUNE!

I think I'd be cacking myself as well if I got a BFP tomorrow...definitely not ready at the moment. I guess its the longer term question as you say. Will I regret it in 10 years when it'll definitely be too late to do anything about it? I guess you could argue that the other way though - if I get PG again, it's too late to change our minds by that point!

I have a very strained relationship with my sister and we've never been close, so I think that is also putting me off. I'd hate DS to go through the shit I've been through with a sibling. Maybe the easy answer is to stick with one and not beat myself up about it! Easier said than done....hope things work out for you hun xxx

Lonz Fri 08-May-15 00:16:11

"For some reason, I feel pressure from somewhere (I don't know where.....society maybe) that it's not right to only have one child."

I feel this all the time, especially from sisters. Lately not so much because I fretted over it for a good while after having my son, but was terrified of doing it all again, only recently I've actually realised it's MY decision. I knew that but it has actually sunk in!
Well, it's not right to have one child and it's not right to have 10! In my head I've gone through the things I like about my life now, then gone through the things of what would change if I did have another. (No, thanks)

I finally am coming to terms with my son's birth and that whole experience, he's three! So... not for me! I enjoy and appreciate him more than anything. I don't need anything else.
I think you need to choose whether to listen to your heart or your head. If you listened to your heart, what would your head say? If you listened to your head, what would your heart say?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 08-May-15 00:29:33

My ds is 10 and the only thing I regret is that DH and I never really sat down and properly, properly talked about having another one. By which I mean, it's not that we didn't talk about it at all, it's more that we nodded along to things like 'I'm so tired, the baby's only just started sleeping' or 'we'd need to move' or 'nursery would cost too much for one'. So all the big, in-depth discussion sort of got postponed.

That said, I don't regret only having one child. Not for a moment. And I don't think we would have changed our minds if we had talked more... But I still wish we'd talked more.

Blondiewoman007 Fri 08-May-15 11:24:00

Do I question my decision to stick at 1? Yes all the time to be honest. I think it's because I am surrounded by families with more than 1 child and society/media/advertising constantly illustrates larger families as the norm. However although I question my decision I still come back to the fact 1 child completes our family and we are all overall happy with this decision. Our decision was based on my and DH's age, our fertility problems so we view our DS as a miracle, ageing grandparents, life balance and the poor relationship my DH and I have with our siblings. I often ask myself if society viewed 1 child as the norm would I question my decision as much? No I wouldn't. I'm also not broody in slightest but was desperate for a child in the years before we conceived our DS. We love our small family and DS who is almost 5 is the happiest, most outgoing child ever.
Perhaps you are questioning your decision as your LO is now getting a bit older and leaving the baby stage?
it's hard I know but my 'head' overrules my heart in this decision.

LalaLeona Sun 10-May-15 15:06:41

I question my decision every day to be honest. If I could go back in h

LalaLeona Sun 10-May-15 15:09:33

...sorry pressed post too soon! If I could go back in time to when my dd age 8 was as young as your child, I would have had another. If you are not 100% sure about stopping at one you should just go for another in my opinion. I was on Antidepressants for some time and I think that subdued my natural urges to conceive! As soon as I came off them a year ago the feeling was over whelming! I now fear I have left it too late.

bluebeanie Tue 19-May-15 22:12:31

Hi JL Addict. Just an update. Found out on Friday I'm pregnant with dc2! So shocked at how quickly it happened!

I spent about 10 minutes panicking, but we are totally happy with our decision. Wishing you the best, whatever you decide.x

ForEverythingAReason Sun 07-Jun-15 13:26:53

Oh congrats on BFP blue!

I realise this is an old thread but I found it really interesting reading. I actually think with child care cost and space being at such a huge premium now, it is becoming a lot more common to stop at 1 DC; at least it seems to be where I live (suburbs of a big city). I meet more and more families who have decided to stop at 1 child and think it is becoming more accepted. Also, there are so many opportunities for children to interact with other kids now I don't think being a 1 child family means a lonely child.

I feel a lot like you OP and have no desire for another baby at all atm. Never say never though - I might change my mind, but only if I really want another DC. I think it would be unfair (in my case) otherwise.

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