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Only child groups - can I have you thoughts please?

(24 Posts)
Daisychain1974 Thu 26-Mar-15 13:58:20

Hello

Having recently suffered a v traumatic ectopic pregnancy, following a miscarriage a couple of years ago, I've now given up trying again as don't want to go through all that again. I'm finding myself feeling a bit isolated though, as despite national statistics being something like 47% of families are one-child families, I cant seem to find a single one where I live! I am constantly (v. rudely!) asked why I don't have two like everyone else. So, I was considering setting up my own group locally so that similar families can meet up (if there actually are any!)

Before I do though, I'm not sure how this will be received, so I just wanted some opinions please? Is it just me that feels isolated and is everyone else is comfortable with one, or would you consider joining a similar group to meet other women in the same boat? I'm conscious that I don't want to cause offence with mums who say "don't make only-children feel different to everyone else!". That's not my intention, I'd just like to meet some mums who are also sick of being asked "so...when will you have another?" whether they chose to have one or whether the choice was made for them, and who perhaps would like to sort out playdates (I find multi-child families are always busy doing "family stuff" at weekends).

Let me know what you think please.

Thanks

TheToast Fri 27-Mar-15 22:03:04

I think this is an excellent idea. I've had similar thoughts myself about setting up a network for families with one child. I'd be very interested in how you get on with it if you do go ahead?

I think people enjoying discussing the challenges of parenting with like minded parents (whatever the number of kids you have). What your group would offer is the chance to talk about the challenges of having one child, with people who potentially understand exactly where you are coming from (and without any fear of the 'only' comments that we are oh so used to....). When I talk about the trials of parenting with friends and family with 2+ children I have sometimes (not always) been met with comments such as "but it's so much easier with one" or "you have no idea what it's like with more than one" etc. I'm not doubting that this may well be the case, but I would still like to be able to talk about being a parent without being made to feel like I am not qualified to do so.

I try to have regular play dates for my DD but it all tends to revolve around children her own age. I think children can gain a lot from interacting with a wide age range of children. This is something which a local network of one child families could provide via social events, informal meet ups in parks etc.

If I lived in your locality I would certainly be interested in joining your group! Go for it! I think you will be pleasantly surprised! smile

Daisychain1974 Sun 29-Mar-15 22:45:55

Thank you. Yes the under-qualified feeling is one I am very used to. My opinion is always disregarded for that of someone who has more!

Your comments made me decide to go for it, so thanks for that. So far, only one person has joined up via my shouting about it on various Facebook groups. So, not a great success so far, but I'll keep pushing it further. If by any chance you happen to live in Cambridgeshire, then do let me know!

Hopefully more people will sign up. Hopefully there are indeed one child families out there somewhere, I don't know where! And hopefully my plan to feel less isolated won't backfire confused

TheToast Sun 29-Mar-15 23:27:39

Wow well done! I admire your get up and go! I'm in Wales.... If I was near to you I would have signed up for sure! You have made me think about doing something similar here.

Would your local library let you put up a notice? Or any local cafes?

Even if you meet one other like minded person it will have been worth it smile All the best to you.

Keepcalmanddrinktea Tue 31-Mar-15 13:59:10

What a great idea, was thinking something similar too, I am in Surrey and here too seem to have at least 2 (most likely 3, which would have been my dream) interested how you get on with it, I am working part-time and sometimes I feel I should work full time because I have only one, I have hit the 40 ceiling so people are asking less why I am not having another.....people now just assume I have a elder one than my 4 year DD! So annoying.....took her to softplay this morning...she used to be very shy as a toddler....she surprised me as making a little friend and sticking to whatever they were playing till the end....I think she will be fine....but you get to think whether they will grow up feeling lonely....in any case such a group would also be beneficial to the grown up.....GOOD LUCK! and keep us posted x

LalaLeona Thu 02-Apr-15 21:47:57

I would absolutely love to join a group like this! I am in Middlesex/greater london x

FallingDeeper Thu 02-Apr-15 22:12:50

Why not link to FB group for us?

RomanMum Tue 07-Apr-15 17:13:42

We're not all on FB though. I think it sounds a brilliant idea, both as a play date group for DCs of all ages and a support for the parents! . I'm in Surrey too and 2/3 seems to be the norm round here. School holidays &/or weekends are interesting. some are crazy busy, but days like today when I can hear the sounds of children playing together in neighbouring gardens are pretty hard. Keep us posted (on MN please).

pixiehair Tue 07-Apr-15 17:19:46

My dc is too old for this now, but while I wouldn't have found it particularly helpful, I wouldn't have felt insulted by it either. There is enough space for groups of all kinds, I think! Personally I never had any anxiety around having an only, as it was by choice and I felt pretty confident with that, and only children aren't too uncommon here (central London, cost of housing and career options means it's the only sensible choice for many).

Solly2408 Fri 01-May-15 11:16:43

Hi, I have just come across your discussion. I was thinking about the same idea for a while now but never executed it. I have a 14 year old and all our friends have average 3 children and her very few friends (3) are always busy with their families or friends from school. It breaks my heart when she spends the weekend with us knowing that she would love to be with a friend. I live in Barnet in North London but I could travel to different parts of London/greater London to meet up with parents in the same situation. It's nice to just talk to someone who knows how you and your child feel. Please let me know if you have set up any groups around London. Thanks

GingerDoodle Sun 31-May-15 13:16:08

I am based in the south east (and am often in central London) and love this idea. Maybe we could start a FB group and then people could arrange local meets? My DD is 2.8 and we have decided she will be an only for a variety of reasons (we had wobble and tried for No. 2 for a cpl of months but are now set).

GingerDoodle Sun 31-May-15 13:18:24

Doh - one exists lol; have just signed up!

Cassie258 Sun 31-May-15 13:21:10

Urgh, it gets annoying doesn't it. Even my CMs husband makes comments. Regularly.

I'd love more DC but it's just not feasible. I need to think of witty come backs but I'm usually too shocked to be rude.

I think it's a great idea and dd and I would definitely go! grin

bayrans Sun 31-May-15 13:25:27

Ginger, what group did you join or what did you search for? I'm in SE also, (West Sussex).

GingerDoodle Sun 31-May-15 13:49:43

bayrans - very small world lol! I'm near Gatwick. How old is yours?

I searched for one child family and the group is: Families with One Child....F.W.O.C. Membership is pending so not sure how good it is yet!

bayrans Sun 31-May-15 21:36:20

Ginger, I'm in EG..... V near gatwick wink
My little girl is almost 2 - yours?
Perhaps a coffee and a mooch around tilgate some time, berating those that ask 'soooo when's the next one?!'

bayrans Sun 31-May-15 21:37:34

Just re read, 2.8 little girl ��

yochef Mon 01-Jun-15 12:38:39

Hi all,

I've recently been slightly obsessed with the only child thing. I have one child aged 8. I am not wallowing in self pity ( well maybe the odd time!) anyway what I find difficult is our situation. We as a small family don't have any other family members with kids..ok my partners brother has one teen who lives miles away, so basically my daughter has no body really and it saddens me every minute of everyday. Even the grandparents live away in USA 6 months of the year ��
I wish there were some groups for people with similar situations.
I'm in east Cheshire.

GingerDoodle Mon 01-Jun-15 15:19:38

I'll happily set up a little FB group for us; i've not been accepted to the other group as yet! Might be nice if we can find a few so the older ones could be FB friends / penpals as well as ppl nearer being able to meet up!

youchef - take hear I was your daughter and nothing bad has come of it!!

Im currently on a mission to get the NHS to sterilise me but am being hit by 'ooo I don't think they do that any more' when clearly it can be done they just don't want to.

Solly2408 Tue 23-Jun-15 14:26:01

Hi Yochef
I am in the same situation as you but my daughter is older. The situation gets worse when they grow up. My daughter feels lonely most of the time.
Have set up a group for people in the same situation. If we can't meet at least we could chat and advise each other. Having an older child I could share with you a lot of my experiences.

Saadia

Daisychain1974 Wed 24-Jun-15 23:16:55

Well, hmm. My group (Cambs) not going great. Despite my best efforts to publicise it, I only got a few from my village sign up (some with 3 kids each, clearly oblivious to the term only child"?!) and no interaction. Like pushing an elephant up a hill here :-(

Lymmmummy Fri 17-Jul-15 15:57:52

Yes please - sounds great - I think there are lots of benefits the first being to share concerns / issues/ solutions and the second might be a bulletin board type feature which could potentially help people connect

I think the gateway women site has done a good job -for women without children intentionally or regretfully if you wanted to look at an example - it has some opinion pieces on the subject plus message boards etc

By the way I am in Cheshire north with a 4 year old DC

NicLovesCheese Sun 03-Jan-16 11:48:48

Hey sorry I know this is an old thread, but does anyone have links to any only child groups? I'm in Cambs if the original poster is still around! smile

Minta85 Sat 23-Jan-16 17:21:56

You could try setting up a group on Meetup.com, or advertising on Gumtree? There is already a Cambridge families Meetup group, and perhaps some of them may be one-child families.

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