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What do you wish you'd known at the start?

(7 Posts)
Appletini Mon 03-Nov-14 10:13:00

We are TTC and are planning to stop at one (presuming we don't have twins) for health reasons (one pregnancy is doable, a second one is not, to cut a very long story short). We are both very happy with the idea of being a one-child family.

We haven't told anyone we plan to stop at one. I had my fingers burned a few years ago when I told a friend I'd have to stop at one child due to health issues and they asked if I thought I should be having any children at all!

I wondered if there's anything you wish you'd known at the outset? Whether in terms of what to tell people (or not), things you would or wouldn't buy if you knew you weren't having another pregnancy, coping with the knowledge that this is your first and last experience of pregnancy, when/whether to tell people you're not trying again, anything really. Thanks in advance smile

Psycobabble Mon 03-Nov-14 10:16:31

I'm not in this position myself but in terms of what to tell people well sod them !! Honestly people get right on my tits ! It's nothing to do with them people are often judgemental because of their own insecurities anyway! Good luck and enjoy your family

AJ65 Mon 03-Nov-14 16:37:21

I'd say try to enjoy it all! I only have one, but my husband already had two and got my back up by predicting this and that about my pregnancy. I regret not luxuriating in it more!

Do consider nursery for socialisation or school might be a bit daunting for your little one.

Appletini Mon 03-Nov-14 18:15:09

Thanks for your replies. Will definitely be mixing lots with other kids and doing nursery at least part-time.

One amazing tip I found on another thread was to keep a diary about their childhood for when they wish they had someone else to ask.

Blueberrymuffint0p Thu 06-Nov-14 18:36:44

Enjoy every minute but don't dwell too much on them growing up. I got very teary when I stopped bfing, when the cot got sold, when the buggy was put away etc.

Remember if you do feel sad that you can't have anymore, lots of mums feel the same whether you're stopping at 1, 2 or 10.

I'd make it clear to anyone who asks that you can't have anymore due to health reasons. You'll be asked lots, just be straight to the point about it.

Be prepared to tell anyone who has anything negative to say about only children that they're talking utter non sense.

As your child gets older point out the positives of being an only, don't ever attach any negativity to it. Also explain how all families are different eg, single parent etc. We did this and ds 6 has never hankered over a sibling.

Be prepared to make a big effort with your child's friendships when they get to school-play dates, friends over for tea etc but know that nursery is enough when they're little. I worried a lot when ds was tiny but they don't even make true friends until they're 5+, they just kind of play next to each other, they justified need to learn how to share, not to bite etc.

Above all though just don't worry, don't over think anything. Your child will only be spoilt, lonely and self centred if you bring them up that way-siblings or no siblings!

mrsnec Thu 06-Nov-14 19:06:05

Hi Op, my dd is nearly 6 weeks old. After 5 years of ttc, an mc and an emcs with complications I don't think I want any more but I had decided that years ago.

I wanted to add that I was fully prepared for questions and to have to explain myself to everyone but nobody has asked which is fine by me.

I love all of the tips here. I have started a memory box for her with the newspaper the day she was born,her first outfit a book that was published the day she was born about the place she was born and things like that.

dh is an only child and had a more balanced childhood than I did.

We have been very tight on equipment etc so far. In laws bought a travel system, my folks bought a cot, bouncer gym and sling, most of the clothes are second hand but people have been very generous. I have only bought her one dress from the boden sale because it has a motif that represents her name. She has already grown out of some clothes and when I mentioned getting rid of those and my maternity clothes I have been advised to hold on to them for a bit but I'm sure I'm not going to change my mind. Don't regret any of that. I think we got it right.

It's not bothered me in the slightest that its probably my only experience of pregnancy.

Good luck!

number1daddy Fri 07-Nov-14 10:17:58

I gave one five year old. it's abut difficult having anymore as a single 24/7 dad hehe. I love kids and who knows in the future but I'm happy happy happy just me and my son at the moment

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