We have a beautiful DD, who is two-and-a-half. I have never felt the urge to have another DC, apart from a vague 'Hhm, I suppose it would be nice'.
But the negatives of having another DC seem to outweigh the positives right now. We don't earn a great deal (skint at the end of each month, usually) and as I'm self employed, I'd only be able to take about two months of maternity leave before going back to work.
We don't have any family nearby so the cost of childcare would stretch us to the limit. Added to that, I suffered postnatal anxiety last time after a difficult birth, initial feeding issues and trying to work whilst looking after DD when she was tiny. In all honesty, I felt like I lost myself for a good few months. I had suicidal thoughts at some point and would wake up crying in the middle of the night, feeling complete despair.
I had counselling which really helped. These days, I'm more or less back to normal but I still have moments of feeling that I can't cope and I'm terrified of going back to that dark place. DD was too young to realise at the time but she'd certainly notice now if Mummy was sitting on the sofa sobbing and ignoring her. DD still doesn't sleep well so DH and I are both often exhausted from broken nights. And I can't imagine adding a crying-all-night newborn to the mix!
Reading all the above, I know that I sound miserable. I'm not. I utterly loved the experience of being pregnant and despite the difficulties, I have many happy memories of DD's newborn days.
I feel so lucky to have her and have never doubted my love for her. She is the light of my life - and DH feels the same. We adore her, love spending time as a family, have so much fun together and would do anything for her. I have never felt that my family of three is wanting. So why change things, especially when DH is also not fussed about having another baby?
However, I feel guilty at the thought of 'depriving' DD of the chance of a sibling. And other people have started commenting too, which is driving me bonkers. It's not even the grannies, who wouldn't dare say anything! It's friends, who say things like 'Get a move on and having baby number two'. I even had a comment on my Facebook wall.
I know people mean well - and I didn't tell many people about my counselling so they're not being insensitive - but it just adds to the guilt. How do you cope with that and also, how do you know if it's just not right for you to try for number two? All the signs show that we'd probably be better off sticking with just one. But how can I get over this indecision?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.
One-child families
So undecided about having another child
36 replies
ginzillas · 13/10/2014 08:41
OP posts:
April2013 ·
06/11/2014 11:18
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.