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I wonder if I'll always feel a bit sad

(21 Posts)
Blueberrymuffint0p Mon 17-Feb-14 20:03:27

I have a lovely little boy, he's 5. No more for us due to my health. I love being a mum, I cling on to every second with my son because I know I'll never get to experience it again. I know how lucky I am but at times I have such a heavy heart. I'd love to do it again. The silly thing is that he's (so far) very happy as an only, he's never said he's lonely or bored, never asked for a sibling. It's me with the problem! I just wonder if I'll look back in my old age and feel sad that I couldn't have another. I suspect I will.

FunkyBarnYard Mon 17-Feb-14 20:07:58

Sits right next to you with the same heavy heart x

Blueberrymuffint0p Mon 17-Feb-14 20:26:11

I wonder if all mums have this feeling as their babies grow up or if when you've had the number of children you really want you feel happy and content.

I have times when our family feels complete and I know we've made the right decision but gosh it hurts especially when everyone around you seems to be pregnancy with their 2nd, 3rd even 4th and 5th babies. Makes me think about people who can't have an children, it must be devastating.

Blueberrymuffint0p Mon 17-Feb-14 20:27:11


afromom Mon 17-Feb-14 21:17:03

I know how you feel too, its like something is missing ��

My DS is 9 now and desperately wants a younger brother or sister. He walks around the supermarket smiling at little ones and pointing them out to me. It breaks my heart!

I keep telling myself though, we have such a lovely time together and can do all these lovely things that I wouldn't be able to afford with 2. That helps a bit.

Happydaze77 Mon 17-Feb-14 21:59:30

Joining in with a heavy heart sad

Dh has just declared that he doesn't want a second dc. "Yet", or "maybe never", and given my age they both mean the same thing really. I'm desperate to do it all again.

I guess I'll be frequenting this section a lot from now on.

Flexiblefriend Fri 07-Mar-14 05:24:38

I think there will always be an element of sadness if you've had less children than you wanted.

I find it helps to try and focus on the positives of having only one as much as possible. Dwelling on things you can't change just makes you miserable.

Misfitless Sat 08-Mar-14 22:43:24

Blueberry, I don't know if this helps at all..

I've had the number of children I wanted, but still feel broody and have the heavy heart feeling you describe, regularly from time to time.

Anything can set me off..usually hormones, but today, when I was sorting out DC's bedroom and looking through old books that we no longer read, I felt a pang and felt all wistful and heavy-hearted about how quickly they grow up.

gleegeek Sat 08-Mar-14 23:18:32

Dd is 10 now and I am sad not to have been able to give her a sibling. It definitely feels like there is a gap and dd says she gets lonely sometimes, but a sibling now (even if possible) would not be playing with her! I don't think she would appreciate the tie of a baby and how it would cramp her style...

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Mon 10-Mar-14 17:54:19

My experience has been different.

My child is older than the children mentioned here and we could not have a second child for medical reasons (or, rather, we chose not to have the interventions that would have been needed, to have the chance of a second child). I did have a wobble when she was a toddler about not having another child, but I don't have any sense of anyone being missing and in fact I was struck very forcibly last week by how much I like being a family of three.

cattypussclaw Mon 10-Mar-14 18:01:57

Shove up, another one with a heavy heart plonking herself down.

Have one DD, aged almost 8. Two older SC but not mine so don't count. Didn't have DD until 39. No mysterious reasons, no majorly high flying career, just didn't meet the right man. Then had terrible PND, too late by the time I emerged from under the cloud. Ready for another now but, at 46, too old and too tired.

Makes me very sad that I'll not have another.

Minionionionion Mon 10-Mar-14 21:35:38

Room for another?

Dd is almost 2.5 and I would love another or two but dp and finances dictate one and I'm struggling, especially as more around us are on number 2 and dd has decided she has a sister which is even more raw.

I'm going to buy her a baby born and cuddle it in secret ...

ToffeePenny Mon 10-Mar-14 21:44:30

Budge up for one more.

(brings out assorted cakebiscuitbrewwine and hands round)

ToffeePenny Mon 10-Mar-14 21:47:32

(Repeats Story from last thread):

Before we got married we had settled on either 3 or 4 (depending on our future earnings). We have one DS4.

DH is clearly not up for any more - he is so careful with contraception that the condoms are practically on the bedside table before I've finished brushing my teeth and he won't discuss it directly when I try (he is obviously putting it off until I'm to old to conceive again which is unlikely to be that much longer). The earnings haven't proved to be a problem, he'd like me to earn more than I do I know (I'm the major earner), but we are more than comfortable so that isn't it.

I know that people change their minds on this sort of thing and would never insist on another if we were both not 100% up for it but it does make me so sad that we are to have no more family around than this and that DS is to be an only child (he is going through a birds and bees phase at the moment and keeps prodding me in the tummy and asking if a baby is there which is proving really hard to take - I must do more sit ups, I suppose).

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Mon 10-Mar-14 21:53:29

I do think it can be particularly hard when children are about four, as that is when they tend to ask for a sibling.

Aboyandabunny Mon 10-Mar-14 22:11:46

Bit of a heavy heart here too. Thankful for Ds (10) but a second child would have been so welcome.
I suspect a great deal of it is mourning the loss of his 'little boyness' as he is changing so rapidly at the moment.

Minionionionion Mon 10-Mar-14 22:13:09

Thanks for the biscuit Toffee

Anyone else find it impossible not to discuss?

As soon as anyone brings up a second I have to reminisce on our situation, as an only child I made life long friends and it's a testament to them that I'm kinda normal and I know dd is capable of doing the same, but it doesn't stop me wishing it were different!

adifferentwoman Tue 25-Mar-14 08:50:58

Me too! Dd is 6 now and after 3 years of Dh saying no to another he's finally agreed we can try. However it would need to be icsi now and I'm hesitating. Life for the 3 of us is great but it always feels like a little something is missing. Decision time but worried and anxious either way. In the meantime at least my dd knows how special she is to me.

Blueberrymuffint0p Fri 04-Apr-14 12:50:19

Thankyou for all the replies. It's good to know these feelings are normal. It doesn't help that people still ask if we're having any more! Only my parents know the real reason why we're not so I tend to just laugh any comments off but it can be really difficult at times. Anyway, onwards and upwards, after school play dates have kicked in in the muffintop household which has really helped ds.

Panga63 Fri 04-Apr-14 13:02:31

Room for another? DD is a teenager now and will soon leave home, but when she was little she'd ask for a sibling for Xmas or birthday sad

She says she'll have her own and adopt children when she's older grin, but DP & I couldn't do either for health reasons.
I'm also aware that we won't want to be a burden to her when we're all older and will push hard for her to leave home and make her own life...

Snog Mon 21-Apr-14 20:07:24

Enjoy being in the moment...fretting for stuff you will never have can mean that you and your ds don't enjoy the present as much as you could and this is what you may regret more than a fantasy extra child. I would like a bigger house, more holidays etc etc but I don't dwell on this or let it overshadow my life. Be in the present with your wonderful child and enjoy your life as it is smile

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