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So fed up of bully's

(11 Posts)
mistybear Thu 30-Jan-14 10:46:26

My little girl is 8 and a only child and for the last 2 years has been regularly teased and in some cases quite badly bullied by the same group of girls I have spoken to the school who have had the girls and in one case a boy in and spoken to them but all that happens is that they stay away from her or pretend to be friends and then it all starts up again sad last night she cried on my shoulder for half an hour because her best friend has gone off with the girls who make her school life miserable and is ignoring her for these girls sad I knew something had been up for about a fortnight and her friend went off with these girls about then. Now I know that children do fall out and so does my daughter but this morning one of the girls was pushing her around and her friend did nothing it broke my heart. What really annoyed me though is that the teacher knows what has been going on and just ignored what was happening!! when I went into the school they just suggested that she joins a club to help her develop friendship making skills but in this club are some of the children who did some of the worst teasing/bulling so I am not sure if this would work or she would pick up bad habits from the other children in a bid to fit in ? She does have friends outside school our neighbours children and her friends from the stables and she does tell me she has a girl she plays with at break time but it's got to the point that she is crying every Sunday night about going to school and in life she is not a crying type of child so what is going on at school has really knocked the stuffing out of her she is so unhappy that I am seriously thinking about changing schools but am worried that I am just swopping one set of problems for maybe others. I am just wondering has anyone else had this with their child and how did you go about helping your children thank you x

sweetfluffybunnies Thu 30-Jan-14 11:19:20

Hi Misty, I really feel for you. I don't really have much advice, but went through similar with my DD all through junior school. It used to make me feel physically sick when she came home in tears.

I don't know what it is about certain children, like my dd, that makes them a target for this kind of bullying. I think they are probably the nicer, quieter children who don't retaliate. I always tried to get her to play with other children so that the bullies could see she didn't care, as I do believe that bullies do it to get a reaction, which makes them feel better about their own pathetic lives. It's difficult for our kids to do this though, specially when their self-esteem has taken a knock. I used to have long chats with dd about how these bullies were actually sad inside, and were probably jealous of her (don't know if that's true really!) I'm not sure that it really helped her to deal with it at that age.

My dd is now 16 and has a lovely group of friends, none of them are the ones she knew at junior school. Life got much better for her when she moved to secondary school, as there were a lot of new people to meet and make friends with. That's not to say that she has had no friendship problems at secondary school - there always seem to be a few who have to be mean and nasty - but she has been able to see them for what they are, and move on to new friendships.

I know this is not much comfort to you at the moment. I would persevere with talking to the teacher, and if that doesn't help, go to the head. I know it's difficult to deal with this, as they can't make children play with people they don't want to, but it's not acceptable to just ignore it. If your dd is so upset that she doesn't want to go to school, then they need to help her. Perhaps they could help her to make friends with other girls in the class/ playground. They can't all be nasty bullies!

I'm sorry I can't offer more practical advice. There have always been bullies, and there always will be. I think we just have to try to teach our children not to be victims, to take control and move on - leave the bullies to stew in their own juices! I know this is not as easy as it sounds.

Impatientismymiddlename Thu 30-Jan-14 11:24:41

I am joining the thread as my child is in a similar situation and I am hoping that other members will come along with some helpful words. I am lucky in that my child's school deals with incidents very well, but then my dc gets upset because the bullies have been told off and are now angry.

Chigley1 Thu 30-Jan-14 11:40:33

Schools have an anti-bullying policy, ask to see it and check that they are following it. (I've been a junior teacher FWIW) Yes, we all need to teach our children not to be victims but we've all seen cases where bullying can get too much for them in the end if not dealt with properly. I would speak again to the teacher, then to the head if no improvement. If it continues and she is that unhappy I would seriously consider moving her for a fresh start. Could she go to the same school as the neighbours?

Impatientismymiddlename Thu 30-Jan-14 11:51:30

Chigley - what happens when it's hard to figure out which children are telling the truth (the alleged victim or alleged bullies). What do schools do if there are no witnesses? I'm just curious as I think a lot of children might be prepared to deny what they have done or perhaps not even recognise it as bullying if it hasn't involved physical violence.

mistybear Thu 30-Jan-14 12:15:13

Hi all thank you for replying smile I have spoken to the school on many occasion she does have other friends or so she says ? She is on the school council and had to be voted in by the other children smile I would not say she is popular but I think she is liked by a quite a lot of the other classmates. It's just that this small group of girls and a couple of boys just seem intent on making her life a misery and the other children have there own little groups that they don't as far as I am aware exclude her but also don't invite her to play. I think as she is a naturally quite little girl until she gets to know people that she finds it hard to fit in with more outgoing children and her best friend was in a way her safety blanket and now that has gone she is really struggling with the group of bullies but when the other bullies turned on one of their own group frankie comforted her !! And then the little monster turned on her again !!! Grrrr the school has a problem with bulling due to the fact that they take on the children other schools don't want and I know of few quite nasty cases ( my friends children) involving ropes round necks !!! Where the school did not suspend the child who was doing it !!! They tend not to call in parents and in this case I think They think I am being a over protective mum !!! I have just arranged with another school (smaller and catholic) for a start in Easter term but she does not have to take it if the situation improves at the present school smile but as this has been going on for a couple of years I can't see these girls leaving her alone especially since the other children have joined in ( the ones who had to leave other schools due to bulling ) I am really at a crossroads because I don't want to take her away from what friends she has. It it breaks my heart to see her so miserable and as I was bullied at school I know how awful it can be but in my mind it's shocking to see this at such a young age sad x

mistybear Thu 30-Jan-14 12:23:36

Hi just to add when they have had the children in they admitted it in fact it shocked the headmaster that they did !!! A couple of them are are top of the class and come from as far as I know nice families and one of the worst offenders comes from a strict Muslim family x it's not just my daughter telling me in fact it's other children who parents are my friends who let me know in fact my dd plays it down as she does not want me going in as it makes it worse for her as the bullies then tell the other children she is a snitch and for them not to talk to her !!

sweetfluffybunnies Thu 30-Jan-14 12:59:09

Well from everything you have said, I think moving her to another school sounds like the best plan. Well done for sorting it out, and I hope it all works out for your dd.

Chigley1 Thu 30-Jan-14 21:19:03

Sorry, OP been out for the rest of the day. It is hard when children deny and there are no witnesses, but if they've admitted it they should be dealt with properly. I really think a move would be best in your case. Glad you've sorted it.

mistybear Fri 31-Jan-14 20:31:55

Thank you all for your replies x I asked my daughter if she could would she want to move schools thinking she would say no ( because of fear of moving schools she does not really like change ) and she said yes !!! So she is obviously more miserable then I though sad x I have to say though I have thought it funny when asking for advice in real life most of the women mums and non-mums have said move schools and the majority of the men have said stop pandering to her and tell her to stop being such a wuss ! X

colette Fri 31-Jan-14 20:41:40

Mistybear a new start sounds a good idea, imagine not speaking to the parents shock You'll have to update this thread when she starts . Good Luck X

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