Consumed by the desire for a second baby, DH says no way....(5 Posts)
We have a beautiful 2 year old son who is the light of our lives. My DH never wanted children but reluctantly agreed, saying he would rather be with me in my world which I was clear involved a family. Though I admit it took me 10 years to convince him. Despite initially hating (I'm not exaggerating) his new role as a parent, from around 12 months my DH has just loved it. He and DS have the most precious relationship, he's now even more hands on than most of my friends' DHs.
I am soooooo ready to have another child. In part because I desperately want a sibling for DS but admittedly because I have so loved every second of DS and I would relish doing it all again. Selfishly I would love the chance to have a DD. if we had another boy I would adore him all the same, but would at least like a shot at having a relationship just like I have with my mother.
DH is adamant he doesn't want another, citing fear of childbirth (admittedly it was traumatic and touch and go for me and DS, I wish he hadn't witnessed it, but I'd go through it again in a heartbeat), the stress of the baby days which he hated (but I loved!) and the financial implications (things are tight and looking forward we could afford private school for DS, but not for two).
I am devastated. I have this fundamental need to nurture and feel incomplete. While I am delighted for friends who are all starting to announce 2nd pregnancies, I am grief stricken for what I feel is my loss. It is starting to create a huge void between us, to be honest I am beginning to feel quite angry and resentful. I know that until the day I die, I will feel bitter about this. In another world i think i could have easily gone on to have many children and would have considered adoption as i now know my love would not be limited to a biological child.
I have even started fantasising about leaving DH, but how can I break up a happy family just to start another one, devastating DH and DS in the process?
I can't sleep for thinking about this, dream about it and when I am on my own I weep with grief.
What can I do to stop this heartbreak?
I'm truly sorry you feel this way. It's probably better for this thread to be moved to Relationships where you are likely to get better support.
You need to have an honest discussion with your dh about how you feel.
My ex and I split, partly due to the fact I wanted dc3 andhe was adamant we werent having any more. 6 months later he got a new gf, and 2 months after that she was pg with a planned baby
7 months down the line I am still hurt and betrayed (but also glad im out of his ea bullshit)
There is no easy solution in this situation, as one of youcould end up doing something.you later regret. If he agrees under duress its wrong for him. If you agree not to have one, its not what you want. If you leave, there is no guarantee you will meet somebody.else.
I don't know, part of me thinks that you knew all.along he didn't want dc, and you married him knowing that . Or did you never discuss it?
I hope you can come to some reconciliation.
Did you intend to post in 'Lone Parents'?
I would stop using contraception and let him be responsible for it. I wouldn't prevent something I actively wanted.
Did you discuss this when he said he would 'rather be in your world than without you'?
Could you tell him how you feel re another baby with him or finding someone else to have a bigger family with? Not a 'ultimatum' just a very honest discussion about how you feel?
How would he feel about adoption?
We're going to move this to signle child families at the OP request.
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