Happy with one?(5 Posts)
I know this isn't a decision anyone else can make for me but I am agonising over whether to have a number two. After a traumatic birth and pretty awful first few months I vowed never to have another and even sold all the baby stuff.
DD1 is now almost two and I am wondering what to do. No part of me wants to go through the whole pregnancy/labour/newborn bit again. I feel like I am just getting back to normal. DD1 is a delight and life is pretty easy and calm now. I worry that I won't be able to cope with two and that it will change my relationship with DD1. However for her sake I feel I should give her a sibling. Any thoughts?
my ds is now 9 years old and an only child and no plans on having any more children. the pluses for me is that i can devote my whole attention to him, can spend all my money on him so gets what he wants (if i can afford it - he is not spoilt by no means, just that i dont have to think about "if i get this for him i will have to get this for x"), once he was more independent i was able to have "me" time. Money is not as much of an issue as it would be with two or more children, even though some people say having two children doesnt cost much more than having one, but i can't comment. we can afford a holiday every year and we dont need a really big car to transport the family around.
the downside is that my son does get a little lonely at times and relies on my company a bit more than he probably would if he had a brother or sister but i dont mind having his friends to the house etc so sometimes it can feel like i have more than one child lol. He also goes to a lot of afterschool and other clubs etc and has a better social life than me !!
i do go through stages of thinking i should have had another child when my son was younger but then i wouldnt have been able to go back to work, and if i did my wage would have gone on childcare, so financially we would have been a lot worse off. also going to work means i get to have "my own social life" and a family life.
I have a friend who had her first child the same time as me and then went on to have another two all within about four years. She still works two days a week but she is always busy juggling things and swapping her days at work because one child is sick and off school etc (fortunately her workload allows her to do this) although the boss is not really that happy about it because she never meets her targets. she wouldnt change her life for the world.
i think it all depends whether you are a "family" kind of person.
I am in a similar situation. My DD is 18 months now and I have endometriosis so all drs say if I want a second I should be getting on with it, but I am so happy just with her. My DH and I are able to spend loads of time with her and still have time to do our own thing and she seems really happy and content.
BUT I feel so guilty when she's at the park and is alone or I see brothers and sisters playing together. She often goes up to other children and tries to interact, but she's probably a bit little and it breaks my heart when they don't play.
BUT happy parents make happy children...
And so my brain goes round, I know all the facts and that only children do just as well as children with siblings but the guilt persists.
I have decided that we can only have another child for us though, not for her. Good luck the right decision.
I'm happy with just the one little girl, but I worry she might want a sibling when she's older (she's 5)
Don't tend to go kiddy type places without her friends anyway so that's not been a problem and she has a few friends from one child families.
I'm always aware of not spoiling her too much, she is a lovely little girl but very head strong so would be a nightmare if she became spoilt!
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