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DD cries that she is lonely and wants a sibling

(20 Posts)
AsparagusBlue Wed 14-Nov-12 11:07:27

My DD breaks my heart every time she says she is lonely. She is always asking for a sibling. Then lists all her friends that have siblings. My return list of those with siblings is far smaller. I know kids play their parents and know how to pull the strings but this one is really hard for me to deal with. Often she cries saying that she is sad not to have a brother or sister. I can see her pain and see that she is lonely. Advice please...

cavell Wed 14-Nov-12 11:10:31

I take it that a sibling is not at all on the cards for whetever reason?

You can always remind her that siblings don't always get on together, and that she gets to spend more time with you, have her own bedroom... anything else that could be sold as an advantage of being an only child.

Don't mean to be flippant, but what about a dog?

LtEveDallas Wed 14-Nov-12 11:10:34

How old is she?

Could you push the positives on her (you don't have to share everything at home, you get all my attention, I have more money to spend on you, you get to eat all the chocolate!) all the sorts of things that a child would appreciate.

DD (7) is an only. She went through a 'lonely' phase when she was just starting school, but it was only a phase and she got through it very quickly.

cavell Wed 14-Nov-12 11:12:16

You don't say how old she is. Nor whether she has got many friends nearby? How often does she have anyone around to play with?

OddBoots Wed 14-Nov-12 11:15:33

This probably won't help but in case it does, my DD spent about 2 years on and off crying and asking why we had to have HIM (referring to her brother), she desperately wanted to be an only child (despite the fact her brother was older).

PropositionJoe Wed 14-Nov-12 11:20:40

Ger her a hamster grin

If she had one they'd only bicker you know. She doesn't want a real one - she wants her idea of one - you know, that she can dress up and boss around. You don't get many toddlers like that.

CalmingMiranda Wed 14-Nov-12 11:22:28

Playdates, playdates, playdates, playdates.
Host sleepovers, let her go to other people's houses as often as possible (ESPECIALLY those where a girl friend has incredibly annoying toddler brothers wink ).

My DC sometimes deliberately go and play with an only child so that they can play their own age-appropriate games without being bugged by younger ones and being made to include them.

I'm not implying that this should be the case, but are you feeling the loss of another child and is she picking up on this?

Remember that parents of more than one child spend much time dealing with sibling rivalry and jealousy, which is also painful and upsetting, but there's nothing that can be done about it. The important thing is to support children in the circumstances they are actually in, and get on with life without beating yourself up about it.

Beamur Wed 14-Nov-12 11:26:07

Hard isn't it?
My DD is the youngest of 3, but her 2 older siblings are much older and she would dearly love a little brother or sister.
I try and show the positives, but her little eyes fill up with tears and she assures me she would be such a good big sister.
I don't have the solution, but will lurk for ideas smile

BonkeyMollocks Wed 14-Nov-12 11:28:00

Stuff the hamster get a Guinea pig! wink

MothershipG Wed 14-Nov-12 11:30:34

That's strange because my DC both complain that they wish that they were only children! wink Don't forget the grass is always greener...

You don't say how old your DD is but it sounds like she has worked out that you feel guilty about this so maybe it's a way to push your buttons?

You may have to be a bit more proactive about her socialising but I really wouldn't worry about it too much.

PropositionJoe Wed 14-Nov-12 11:32:41

Don't stuff the hamster that would be cruel

BonkeyMollocks Wed 14-Nov-12 11:34:37


AsparagusBlue Wed 14-Nov-12 11:36:37

Thank you everyone. DD is four and has lots and lots of friends. Often she goes on playdates or they come over to us. Lots of friends both at school and from outside school.

I know (hope) it is a phase. It's just hard to deal with - even more so when she cries.

ValentineWiggins Wed 14-Nov-12 11:40:40

Mine (6) does the same...but I wouldn't want a 6 year age gap now - and I certainly couldn't have even contemplated one before. Just hoping she will get over it and make her own family out of her friends.

AsparagusBlue Wed 14-Nov-12 11:46:59

I also get the whole 'grass is greener'. She truly has a lot of friends and after school activities, so it is certainly not that I need to up her social side. I also get that she is probably pushing my buttons but all of that aside, does it mean that she really isn't hurting to be on her own?

WeAllHaveWings Wed 14-Nov-12 12:15:41

ds(8) went through a stage of this at around 5, desparate for a sibling.

Initially tried to gently tell him it wasnt going to happen but this just seem to upset him more and he kept coming back to it.

Then tried a variation on the advice from "How to Talk...." book to "not take away hope" (their example was a little girl who really wanted a pony).

So we talked about it without me actually saying it wasn't happening, what babies meant - he decided he didn't want one of them! Turned out he wanted a brother about 2 years older than him hmm. So we talked about what he and an older brother would do together and how perhaps his dad/friends could do some of that with him, how he could have sleepovers with friends in the future etc. After we talked he went away quite happy even though he still wasn't getting one. Did this another couple of times when he brought it up and eventually he stopped talking about it.

Felt it was a bit risky as I was worried he would turn round at one point and ask when this older brother we were talking about was arriving but just talking about it seemed to work for him.

Onlyaphase Wed 14-Nov-12 12:24:08

DD went through a phase of this when she was about 4 too. No sibling possible here at all, so I was bright and brisk and cheerful about it, saying that not everyone had siblings, and listing those of her friends who were only children.

DD has form for finding something that is wrong and making a fuss about it to get sympathy and fussing, and will use and re-use whatever the reason is for the fuss on several occasions. As I was bright and brisk about her lack of a sibling, it was only used as an excuse for a moan twice, and has never reappeared.

Also, as she has got older she's realised that having a small sibling isn't all that much fun, and would mean that she can't do all the activities etc that she does now, based on her friends' experience. So that may or may not have something to do with it too. She now wants a horse, which has met with a more positive reaction from us.

voddiekeepsmesane Fri 30-Nov-12 18:48:57

DS said this to me a few times when he was around 5/6 because his friends were having siblings. Basically said to him get over it cause it ain't gonna happen smile He has gotten over it BTW at age 8!!

mysweetie Thu 21-Mar-13 03:11:54

DD not asking for it yet(she is just 2) but I can already see some nephews are with us but mostly bullies her so I preferr that she won't play with them so I am planning to get her into a summer class such as art class so she can socialize and be be creative. She will surely enjoy it.

xTillyx Sat 04-May-13 08:12:16

My 4 year old DD did the exact same thing last week. For her, I think it's the novelty factor that her friends have siblings. She cried a lot about it, and I was feeling a bit guilty, but then she cried a smiliar amount because she wanted to wear her summer dress like her friend.

She has friends to play with who are only children aswel and often if they've spent a whole day together, they're glad to get away from each other.

I'm sure you're little girl will be fine, tell her she can't be lonely as she has you and her friends

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