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Did you always know you only wanted one?

(17 Posts)
JoJoCK Fri 27-Jul-12 16:55:17

I always knew I only wanted one child. I'm now pregnant and will be 39 when I give birth all being well - I really don't relish the thought of having 2 or more at 40+. Am in awe of women who can manage that, I just don't think I'm capable of doing a good enough job with more than one child at my age.

I may be biased as I'm a very happy only child myself. I get really angry when people say that parents who chose to have one child are selfish - I don't think it's selfish to have the number of children you can cope with physically, mentally, financially etc. Rant over!

peanutMD Tue 24-Jul-12 22:36:35

I never wanted any...

Then I had ds 6 years ago and knew he was enough...

I am now pregnant with dc2 and coming to terms with it grin

NoWayNoHow Tue 24-Jul-12 22:30:10

I always thought I wanted 2 until DS was born! It was hideously traumatic and I was so angry for such a long time afterwards that the thought of another pregnancy and birth was enough to bring me out in cold sweats.

DS was also very difficult and challenging (in the most wonderful way obviously grin ) so it didn't even cross our minds.

By the time we started discussing it, both DH and I realised that neither of us actually had any desire at all for another child.

Loads of people pressured us for a long time (I've been called "cruel" and "selfish" for not providing a sibling for him confused ), but I don't believe in bringing a whole new life into this world just as a "present" for the child that's already here. It doesn't sit well with me, as in my eyes it creates a hierarchy of importance regarding which child is more important.

I also think that if further children aren't truly and desperately wanted, then I would be so concerned that I would be resentful of my life changing, not being able to cope, and having regrets.

Yemenite Tue 24-Jul-12 22:21:40

I struggled with the first 2 years and I am now really content with having one child. I have always left the idea open though, but fertility issues mean that it's not really realistically going to happen. On top of it all it looks like I am about to be a single parent, I'm almost 40 .. So one it is!
I feel so blessed that he is a wonderful little boy. Hopefully once it's just the two of us and he is away from all the fighting, we can get on with our relationship, just me and my lovely little man.
Thank you for this thread.

CraftyHana Tue 17-Jul-12 13:44:19

Always wanted one, never wanted to just be a baby producing machine.

OhDearNigel Sat 14-Jul-12 23:07:13

We never had the slightest intention of having more than one. I am an only and have never felt at any disadvantage, a lot of my friends are onlies and certainly none of us are the stereotypical "only child".
SIL and I gave birth within 23 hours of each other with our firstborns and she has just had number 2. Everyone said "oh, Ohdearnigel will have another one now". Couldn't be further from the truth, I can't think of anything worse to be honest. DD is at the point where she is developing into a real little character (she is 2.5), we are at the end of nappies, sleepless nights and while I still BF it's only at bedtime and when we have Mummy snuggly time. I cannot imagine why on earth you would want to chuck another baby into the mix when life is just getting back to a semblance of normality.

I also have no desire to be like several of my friends who, in the transition from 1 to 2 went from happy, relaxed parents to being worn to a frazzle and always cross. If that's what having more than one child is like you can keep it, thanks very much smile

CalamityJones Fri 13-Jul-12 21:33:18

Yep, always knew. Had a slight wobble when I fell in love with my daughter and thought I'd like about seven more but ten months in I know this is it.

olibeansmummy Fri 13-Jul-12 21:31:24

We always knew we wanted one, and that hasn't changed smile

scooterland Fri 08-Jun-12 21:57:29

Always wanted one.
Exact same thoughts as FaceforRadio and getting exact same comments from people, esp my friends who've just had their 2nd and can't understand why number 2 hasn't already appeared by now. We love to visit their newborn, hold them and ... give them back when we leave! Basically hugely grateful for who we have and don't want to do it again.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Thu 24-May-12 23:30:55

Growing up, I was always adamant that I didn't want children, although I also thought that the ideal number of children, hypothetically, was four. As it happens, we now have one child and when I look at women wrangling numbers of children I feel relieved that three of my four children stayed strictly hypothetical.

BlackSwan Thu 24-May-12 21:05:09

Always wondered why people had bothered having a second child when the first one was clearly the star! I knew for certain when i was pregnant.

Banderchang Thu 24-May-12 19:27:13

We didn't really think about how many children we wanted before we had DS, but pretty much as soon as he arrived we felt like our family was complete. That hasn't changed and he's 3 now. Love having an only, though it does seem an uncommon choice.

puds11 Thu 24-May-12 10:07:35

I always thought i'd have none. But then had one by accident, and decided that one was most certainly enough. I think if i had more money then maybe i would have had another, but it would be irresponsible of me to do that as i wont be able to support two children for the forseable future.
People tell me because im so young i could 'easily' have another one in 10 years. To me that completely defeats the point, as i would only have another one as a companion for my DD and that window has passed now.

FaceForRadio Thu 24-May-12 10:01:44

DP & I have agreed on one child.

DD is amazing and I can't imagine sharing my love.

Although in my darker hours I worry that I'm doing her a disservice by not producing a sibling.

Then I look at my family and decide we're ok.

People mention to us about more children all the time, they can all go and boil their heads smile

mahonga Thu 24-May-12 09:48:36

when I was a child I thought I'd have two. TTC and during pregnancy I thought I'd just have one (not for reasons of a difficult pregnancy - I loved it - but for the reasons you mention, commitment and better to put all my efforts and focus into doing a fab job raising one child etc). During birth I only wanted one (!), during the first year of my DS's life I only wanted one. During his second year I felt the social pressure you mention, and thought I should have two so we tried, and it failed (fertility treatment). I'm now very happy and content with one, knowing that was what was meant to be for our family.

UniS Wed 23-May-12 21:19:36

yep, always knew.

henrysmama2012 Wed 23-May-12 21:15:36

Me & my DH agreed as soon as we'd had our baby that we'd be happy with just one but (bizarrely, in my eyes!) everyone seems to try & persuade us another would be good when we mention this! Why do people do this?-& am I that unusual to think that one LO is such a huge commitment/etc that I don't want to have another? Our LO is a happy little thing and a real delight and I just can't see us wanting more but it seems to be unusual to think this way...I guess I just wanted to hear experienced of some likeminded people...

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