Advanced search

Who here is an only child?

(23 Posts)
Sunnymeg Wed 06-Feb-13 13:39:39

I am the only survivor, having lost two siblings, when they were babies. I was very overprotected as a child,and had quite a lonely childhood. I always swore I would never have one child. Our DS came along after 15 years of marriage and 12 years of fertility treatment. Unfortunately I was very ill when he was 18 months old and it became very apparent that he would be an only child. I do worry for him, especially as all his cousins are already in their 20's and he has nothing in common with them

QueenofLouisiana Thu 11-Oct-12 19:05:24

I am an only child, although I got a step brother and step sister at the age of 11. I am perfectly happy as an only and I think DS is too.

halloweeneyqueeney Thu 11-Oct-12 16:11:31

Also when it comes to the hard stuff, like caring for elderly parents and arrranging funerals, the burden always seems to fall disproportionately to one sibling anyway, and if you're going to do all the shit/hard work, its easier to get on with it by yourself without others swanning in every now and then telling you you're doing it wrong without really helping IYKWIM

I would happily have an only if I wasn't one, but I don't want to have an only child of an only child as there's no wider family, best of both worlds is IMO being an only with tonnes of cousins and aunties and uncles like I was - but if DS was an only he wouldn't get that

cowboylover Thu 11-Oct-12 08:42:55

My mum is one of 5 and they all wait her her to sort all the problems and issues out especially when it comes to their care so too many makes it hard work and not everyone can do it.

Viviennemary Thu 11-Oct-12 00:19:59

I'm an only child and I longed and longed for a brother or sister. But I had a lot of cousins. And said I wouldn't have an only one if I could help it. Still a lot of people are quite happy to be only ones.

halloweeneyqueeney Thu 11-Oct-12 00:18:11

my only regret re siblings is that DSs will have less cousins and aunties and uncles, I loved having cousins! way better than siblings IMO as no competition but lots of fun, and am close to my aunties.. but I don't wish I had brothers or sisters for me IYKWIM

halloweeneyqueeney Thu 11-Oct-12 00:16:15

I'm an only child

I'm SO GLAD I am since losing a parent, my experience of going through probate hasn't been half as devastating as most people I know because it is a time when so many families turn apart/turn on each other - its such a hard time to maintain a sibling relationship IMO because you are going through the same thing from a different angle in different timetables yet you are expected to be there for each other! I've seen people bimble through it with their sibs, I've seem many more fall out with their families, but I don't think its the huge support that some people assume it'll be! people's partners seem to fill that role better!

I sometimes feel guilty that DS wont be an only child, I do worry about spreading myself too thin with 2 financially and otherwise

they may be friends but they may not, they may only see each others when DH and I have a big birthday or anniversary. Its not a given that they will enhance each other's life. I got a lot of opportunities that did enhance my life because I was an only child

cowboylover Thu 11-Oct-12 00:09:19

I am an only child and grew up in a rural community with busy farming parents so didn't go on play dates or spend time with other children except when I was in school and then my patents split when I was 12 and I stayed with my dad.

I never wanted a sibling and mum said she remembers asking me and I said I would move out if a baby moved in!

When it comes to getting older it was tought when my dad died when I was 22 but I had my now DH to support me and meant all the pressure was mine but at the same them all te decisions where as well so I was happy and comfortable with everything.

I have a DD and the plan was only ever to have 1 and I'm really happy with that decision at the moment. One day I may change my mind but you never know.

I can be socially awkward especially with my peers and better with older groups so I am determinded to take my DD as many suitable placeses as possible so she doesn't struggle with the social side of school as much as I did.

I can't see me having more than 1 child as I just can't see how it works!

DancingLady Mon 01-Oct-12 14:22:26

I'm the middle of three, so's DH. I also have 2 half siblings. I get on really well with all my sibs, but only want to have one child. I don't think my DD will miss out - she's 2 and has a 3yo cousin nearby, and lots of friends. She's very sociable and shares/takes turns etc etc.

Billy11 Mon 25-Jun-12 23:56:21

I am an only child...growing up i was alright ...i had lots of friends and loved it
even teenage was great ...most people rebel with their friends not their sibblings at that age unless you have a sister close in age i suppose...
but now being married with old ill parents and having kids...somehow everyone i knew once they got married started sticking to their own families...xmas bdays events ...all inside families..and i find me and my kids are secluded from most events which is really sad....when im really sick or having a baby mums always there but i envy that other peoples sibblings love their kids and there is no one to love my kids that way ...we travel around a lot as well...move country every 2 years so if i had sibblings that would be a constant...we always come to the uk to see parents but friends seem to move on or not always bother when you have been away for so long..with sibblings i imagine that would be different and the bond would be a lot stronger...i craaavvveeeeeee a sister....i really do .....would never recommend anyone to have just one child

i am very confident extremely successful ...very sociable not very shy ...all traits of having had all my parents attention and focus...was maturere that others as my parents became like my sibblings... but its very hurtful when people cuz of a lack of time or finance etc cocoon just with their own families and you are on your own more and more im trying for a big famiily personally

Mummy2FE Tue 29-May-12 08:13:48

I am an only child. When growing up my Mum made efforts to organise friends coming over for tea and to play very regularly. I also went to classes after school/ at weekends such as swimming, dancing, brownies and music. I had activities going on most evenings so mixed with lots of children. I was also able to entertain myself quite well and I don't remember ever feeling lonely.

In adulthood I now feel slightly envious of those with a sibling- many of my friends speak really highly of their relationships with their brothers/sisters and there seems such special connections between them all. I would like that. As a grown up now, I also think about a time when my parents/ grandparents will pass away- imagining coping with that by myself already upsets me. There is also that feeling of being all alone when they have all gone. If you have a brother or sister there is somebody to share those thoughts/ feelings/ experiences with.

I don't have a Rose spectacled idea of the above though- I do have experience of negative sibling relationships. My dh's relationship with his brother is case in point of this. My bro in law is a difficult and competitive person and has tried to cause my DH a lot of big problems borne out of all kinds of resentments. Consequently they do not speak to each other. Since my DH does not have any other siblings he may as well be an only one.

We only have one child at present. Hopefully we will be fortunate enough to have a second. That is certainly our plan.

In my experience being a lone child has been more significant in adulthood. Whilst my DH does not have a strong bond with his brother, in their circumstances their parents have also served to cause some division. Therefore I have not at all been deterred in hoping for more than one child myself.

georgie22 Mon 28-May-12 22:33:34

As an after thought I should have said that I did have a wonderful childhood and this has continued into my adult life with lots of help from my parents so it's not all bad.

georgie22 Mon 28-May-12 22:32:14

I'm an only child and whilst it never worried me whilst I was young I now feel that I would really have liked a sibling. I now feel very responsible for my parents as they have both had health concerns in the past 12 months, and although I always want to support them it can be difficult with work and childcare commitments. I would love a sibling to chat to and share concerns with about our parents; my dh is very supportive so that really helps. We have 1 child and I hope we will have another as I would like her to have that sibling relationship in her life.

rhetorician Mon 28-May-12 22:22:16

also an only child (and an only child of an only child); I remember early childhood as very happy, and never (I think) asked for a sibling. My mother didn't conceive easily, apparently (took them 3 years to get me), but I also think she didn't actually mind that much either. However, my father died when I was 8 and I really think that at that point a sibling would have been very helpful to me - I felt very isolated and responsible for everything. Equally, later on when I came out I think the intensity of the relationship I had with my mother made that much more difficult. I carried a lot of expectation on my shoulders. There are lots of upsides as others have pointed out, but i think things can be tougher if something goes wrong. I have 2 dds, and because of our set-up, they effectively have 3 extended families (mine - which is miniscule and very elderly; DPs and their father's) and I think this is largely good. DP has 5 siblings, and they certainly do bring their own problems and challenges, but she is close to 2 of her sisters. I really think they are just different experiences, and if the home is happy and the parent loving, then the number of children is probably not the most important thing.

Lunarlyte Mon 28-May-12 22:18:08

Oh yes, I too could spend HOURS playing on my own. I'm still very comfortable in my own company smile That's a plus.

Lunarlyte Mon 28-May-12 22:13:54

I am an only child. I always wanted a sibling, despite having extremely loving and supportive parents. I know that my mom wanted more children, but she had an mc before her pg with me; took mom and dad about 6 years to conceive me and they didn't get pg again, despite trying.

Anyway, there were benefits: I certainly think that being an only child nurtured the very close bond that I have with them (I'm 29 now). I adore them and loved having them all to myself. But, I misses having a chum, a mate around the house who was my age. Someone who I could talk to and who was on my level. This feeling was exacerbated in my teens.

I know that I probably look at sibling relationships with Rose-tinted specs. My husbands relationship is virtually non-existent between his brother and sister. My mom does not get on with her eldest sister (is best friends with her youngest).

I have two girls. I didn't want DD1 to be an only child. Thats the bottom line. It took 2 years for us to conceive DD2 so I really did have time to consider he reality that DD1 would be an only child. It's not the worst thing but I always felt that,for me, it was an agent of difference: something else to mark me out as different (there were lots of other things when i was a kid - i was overweight, i'm tall, ive got curly hair). The 'only child of an only child' idea really got me down, too.

Im so happy that we were able to give our DD1 a sibling. I would have been well-equipped to help my daughter throughthe tougher aspects of only child-dom, but I'm relieved that I don't have to. The loneliness of being an only child was crushing for me at times, I'm sorry to admit.

henrysmama2012 Thu 24-May-12 11:30:51

I have one sibling but to be completely honest I wish I had been an only!

Dontbugmemalone Fri 27-Apr-12 19:34:56

I'm an only. I think it depends mostly on your upbringing and parents rather than if you have any siblings.
There were times when I wanted a sibling but I had so many problems with my mum that I thought it's better than I'm an only, if that makes sense.

If I had a happy childhood then things would be different, I think.

DH has a sister and growing up they had their fair share of fights but now as adults are very close. We were also very unsure about having a second child because it's been so hard with DS but fate decided for us smile.
I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and hoping for the best.

Yes children are expensive but you already have everything for a baby so I think it'll be cheaper with the second one. As for childcare, can you get a family member to help you out or maybe wait until you can the 15 hours free?


MirandaGoshawk Fri 27-Apr-12 19:21:34

I'm an only child. I think it's important that your 'only' spends a lot of time interacting & playing with other dch of all ages. I'm very happy in my own company. I did struggle in groups of people for a long time, just didn't know how to behave, until I got a sales job that forced me to interact with people & now I'm fine. I have dtws (different sexes) and they can't stand each other, so I can't see the benefit of a sibling for either of them.

I think that with the state of the world as it is, (lack of resources, space for housing etc. ) and people struggling financially, only dch will become more the norm.

slipperandpjsmum Fri 27-Apr-12 19:15:39

I was brought up as an only child. I was adopted.

I hated it! I asked my parents all the time for a sibling but it was not possible for them.

I have 4 dc which I feel is a direct result of the isolation I felt as a child. But I had no other family apart from my parents who were alot older than my friends.

The experience is different for everyone. Some only children had wonderful childhoods. It depends on so many factors doesn't it.

BsshBossh Fri 27-Apr-12 10:19:48

I'm an only child. My parents ensured I had lots of playdates so I never felt lonely. But I also remember really enjoying time alone - I could spend hours playing happily on my own. I don't ever remember wanting a sibling. I certainly remember my parents being able to afford nice holidays for the three of us smile I have now chosen to have an only child. DD has lots of friends but seems able to play for hours on her own too (doesn't even need mum or dad!). Like mother, like daughter smile

amieis Wed 25-Apr-12 19:54:37

I'm an only child as my parents tried for a long time for me and then sadly my mom died before they could try for more. I'm fortunate to be close to my second cousin and his wife as we are the same age so have never felt like I missed out by not having siblings. My dad has remarried now and I have step sisters and brother who I'm also quite close to, but it was fine when it was just me!!! As long as your child is sociable and sets up good relationships at nursery/school etc and you feel like one is enough, imo you shouldn't feel like you should be forced to have more!!!
I only have one and don't think we'll have anymore!!! It means that we know we can support our lo financially and not have to stress about not giving her what she wants or needs!!

Magic69 Fri 20-Apr-12 13:01:11

Hi there- who here is an only child?
how did u find it? do you ever wish you had siblings?

I have two brothers- one is two years older and one is 13 months younger and i cant say I have benefitted much- i seldom speak to them and we were never close. I dont have any special bond but one thing we do share is a not so happy childhood- instead of holding together we drifted apart and only time i hear from my youngest brother is when he needs some money.

That being said....I am questioning what the necessisty there is to have another is already costing us enough- seen the price of childcare???- but will this be soemthing i will one day regret?

Looking fwd to hearing your feedback ladies

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now