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Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

One-child families

DS is bored & lonely :(

18 replies

Grockle · 11/03/2012 17:02

What do you all do with your only child?

DS(6) does several after school activities & things on a Saturday morning and has friends over to play. We often go out for the day (zoo, beach, park etc) but DS is increasingly unhappy with being alone with me. He says he wants someone to play with I don't really know what to do - if he doesn't have company, he's lost and I feel very sad watching him potter around the garden by himself.

OP posts:

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exoticfruits · 11/03/2012 20:34

Have you got any neighbouring DCs that could just come around and play?

latrucha · 11/03/2012 20:40

I don't want to be flippant, but DD can be like this and she has a brother. She is just bad at entertaining herself, and her brother doesn't really count as far as she is concerned.

exoticfruits · 11/03/2012 20:45

I think they all do it, I have 3 DS and they were very prone to say they were bored. I had some stock answers as in 'only boring people get bored', 'I wish I had time to be bored' or 'I can think of some jobs you can do'.
He really needs to find ways to amuse himself.

Bunbaker · 11/03/2012 20:46

DD is like this. She does play with friends at weekends, but not every minute of every weekend. She isn't very good at entertaining herself. She had two schoolfriends round today so she was happy, but some Sundays all her friends are busy and she hates it.

Grockle · 11/03/2012 20:51

He does play with the neighbours but cannot entertain himself. He cries if he knows he has to spend the day with me

maybe it's not a line child thing then, maybe he just needs to learn how to occupy himself. He even looked disappointed when I said we were going away for a couple of days because it will be just the 2 of us.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 11/03/2012 20:55

I think the problem is that he isn't good at occupying himself.My DS was an only at 6yrs and didn't like it, I was always having to point out that having a sibling wouldn't solve it. You seem to provide enough on the social side-I would work on amusing himself.

laptopcomputer · 11/03/2012 20:56

It's not an only child thing - I have have an only DS of 6 as well, but he is perfectly happy entertaining himself. Or mooching around with me... Don't feel guilty :) It's just the way some of them are. I am perfecty happy being on my own and presume DS has inherited this from me

violetwellies · 11/03/2012 20:59

I always wanted to be an only. Was very disappointed When db turned up. Hated the kids at primary school trying to get me to join in there asinine games.

Grockle · 11/03/2012 21:08

Ok, well at least it's not an only child thing, thank you.

We'll work on doing things by himself. He does have a room full of books and toys and loves reading but when it's daylight he seems to really want company. I'm not like that at all and am quite happy by myself.

OP posts:

Onlyaphase · 11/03/2012 21:17

I have an only DD (5) and she went through a phase of wanting company. Thankfully she's stopped this now, though there was a bit of it this morning when she didn't want to play on her own in the garden with a ball (fair enough)

We do after school things too like you, then other things on Saturday and Sunday mornings, often have friends over etc, but she is happy chilling in front of Cbeebies, doing craftwork things or dressing the dogs up in blankets to be her Prince Charming most of the time.

I hated it when she was lonely, really hate it as there is nothing I can do about it. I comfort myself with the fact that some people (like DH) hated their sibling, and some are better suited to being only children. I know lots of only children now too, and they all seem fine and happy to entertain themselves.

Taken · 11/03/2012 21:39

My ds just turned 7 is an only. He is good at playing by himself, but still gets bored at times.
I would play board games/ card games, watch films, bake, use crafts even take turns in telling made up stories.
If I was busy I would make him a tent (sheet over sofa and and chairs) get him a torch,a nice picnic and put in toys /books etc.
I also put away a few toys and bring them out every now and again so he doesn't get bored with the same things.
Hope this helps!

Grockle · 11/03/2012 21:48

Thanks - we do the games/ football/ baking type things and snuggle on the sofa to watch a telly. I think taking some toys and changing what he has available to him. Maybe I'll get him a tent thingy for his room and make a snug den, thats a good idea

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 11/03/2012 21:50

I think that the problem is that with an 'only' you feel guilty, whereas with more than one you don't. It is his problem-not yours. IMO DCs need to be bored sometimes and have to learn to deal with it.

Grockle · 11/03/2012 22:21

Thank you - I'll stop worrying about it. He's generally quite happy, just desperately seeking companionship ALL the time. We'll work on it

OP posts:

oxeye · 11/03/2012 23:59

we quite often do different things together - so DS will play at the table while I do cooking or paperwork or whatever - so together but different things/ company and companionship without being stuck playing or unable to do you own thing....

colditz · 12/03/2012 00:15

Ohhhh God both of mine are bored all the time, they're always bored and they are 5 and 8 - you'd think perfect for playing together.

They all do it. Siblings don't count as company. The first thing Ds1 says to me after school is "Can someone come to dinner?"

igetcrazytoo · 12/03/2012 13:30

He's probably getting to the age when you can start doing sleepovers. I found that if the friend has siblings, they love being in a house geared up just for 6 year olds.

Plus I got one of those 12 foot tin can swimming pools and put it up as early in the year as I could - then invite anyone over for a swim. I used to offer to do the lifts to pick up and drop off friends. We also used to always invite a friend along when we went out for the day.

My DD was one of those children that ALWAYS wanted to be with a friend - and yes I did feel guilty because she was an only. We have a big family, so often went away at weekends and invited family to stay. But there were still times when she would feel like the lonliest child in the world and would say she wished she had siblings.

However, she's older now and likes being by herself lots more. I like being by myself, so this wasn't the easiest thing for me. But I felt that by making the effort with friends, I could be sure that she could never be accused of not being able to share!

SaynotoDaisyMeadows · 12/03/2012 22:26

OP - I don't think you have to "work" on him amusing himself - just let him do it. Don't make any suggestions, don't respond to his moaning, just carry on doing things around the house or reading the newspaper and eventually he'll get fed up of being fed up and find something to do

And don't make a den for him, let him come up with the idea himself and he'll enjoy it so much more.

So speaks the voice of experience after her 7 year old only DD made a den for herself last week

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