Happy with one until DS spoke to me today(52 Posts)
Ok bit of background. Very happy family life. Been married 9 yrs, together 10. Have one DS who is 5 and bloody brilliant (even if I do say so myself )
It never even crossed my mind to consider more than him, we're a very loving and close family (cheesey but true) we genuinely get on etc etc etc
Ok move on to today, DH at work, I'm pottering about, DS in and out playin with friends. A friend from a few doors down had another friend then up, DS went out to play with them for him to be told its only for 2 players!! (they were playing footy)
In comes DS clearly upset, so we talked about it etc, he then says that sometimes he gets very lonely as he doesn't have brothers to play with......... Crushing blow!!
He got over it and went back out leaving me wiping some tears away!! I feel gutted, this is the first time he's really talked honestly about feeling lonely etc.
Do I consider having another one to help the situation? Maybe I didn't word that correctly but hopefully YWSWIM
Im not sure we could afford another one, we both work (very hard) have kept alot of his expensive baby equipment etc but I don't think we could afford another one in the long run
Feel a bit gutted and confused now so thought I would write it all down here rather than trying to keep it in!!
Has anyone else had this experience?? How did you deal with it?
Hope it makes sense. Sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes
I haven't dealt with it yet as my son is only 2.6 but I don't think your sin being lonely is s good reason to have a baby. Just having a sibling does not guarantee a lack of loneliness.
If you want another one, great, go for it! But don't do it based on one conversation with a 5 year old!
I think that you get this with many only DCs at some point.
My DS certainly was in tears at points, especially when watching siblings. I always went to great lengths to point out all the negatives.
In my case I wanted another and although there was an 8 yr gap it worked out fine-however if you don't want one don't feel coerced.
Err...well, I certainly hope you're not considering having another child to please your son!!
I agree -don't do it to please your DC-he might not like the reality anyway. Just accept that you are going to ease him over negative feelings.
i think ALL children would like a litle brother/sister at some point. My youngest (of 5) is 4 and asked me for a new baby the other day, because she doesn't like being the smallest.....
slightly different i know, but I don't think I will have another!
also, that would be quite a large gap, even for 2 brothers to get along well together, and how would he feel if it was a girl.....
Are there other friends/ cousins you could have over for him to play with?
Not all onlies want a sibling.i never did,and my ten year old son has made me promise him not to have a brother or sister for him,he loves being an only child. Maybe he will change his mind,I never did though.
I know lots who would hate a sibling. They are all different.My 'only' was desperate to have one.
My only doesn't want a baby she wants a big brother!
He wasnst a brother to play with. Y'know, boys his own age. In the street.
You have no idea if he woudl like a baby. Who might be a girl. Who woupd live in his house and mess up his stuff. NOTHING like the kids in the street
If you got pg tomorrow , By the time any baby woudl be two, he will be 8 and still wanting to kick a football. But not with a toddler.
Next time you are in the supermarket, show him a newborn and ask him if he wants one. I bet you a fiver he says no
So please dont feel bad. All your reasosn for having one child are still good ones. If he is lonely , find Him some friends
And what happens if he gets a sister? Do keep trying until he gets his brother?
My friend has only. She gets round this by seeking out others with onlies for playdates. Her dd has also adopted mine as her 'sisters'
Dd2 is not an only but she does want another baby. She already knows him. It will be a buvva, he is called James and he comes to see her in the night. He's not dead he's just waiting to be born
I don't think that's really a good reason to have another child if you don't really want one.
Besides. He's 5. Even if you got pregnant really quickly, he'd be 6 when it's born. By the time it was a toddler, he'd be 8. A toddler brother/sister when you're 8 is a pain in the arse. When the sibling was 5 - he'd be 11. Annoying little sibling tugging at you when you want to play footie with your mates.
He still wouldn't have anyone to play with, would he?
So unless you're going down the adopting a fellow 5 yr old route, then having another baby at this stage wouldn't give him a buddy, would it?
And he probably doesn't care most of the time, anyway.
Probably better to work on developing close friendships and making sure he spends lots of time with friends.
My view is entirely subjective and personal. However, here goes:
I don't know what I would do without my siblings. I don't take them for granted - we lost a sibling, and as a result we are very close and supportive of one another.
I know all families are different, so I shouldn't generalise.
I am in my fifties. The pressure of working and caring for aged parents and PIL are huge. I am very grateful I have someone to share the load.
My mum was an only - hence the reason she wanted a big family.
DH is an only - he also wanted a big family.
Your DS isn't lonely he was just upset that his friends didn't want him to join in on that particular occasion. My DS (6) has a younger sister (3) and they hardly ever play together. My friend has 2 boys 18 months apart and they fight continually. Please don't consider having another child because of this one off incident.
3littlefrogs - conversely my mum was one of six and none of her siblings had more than 2 children.
Well I'm going to go against the grain here, my DH is an only and he always wanted a sibling. Having lots of friends isn't the same.
You have to do whats right for you.
I'm sorry but I am a firm believer in 'children should influence your life, not dominate it'. My DS1 desperately didn't want any siblings, I had 3 more children because I wanted them.
Get a dog instead? That's a serious suggestion btw. If he's lonely sharing his parents with a baby probsbly won't help. But a dog of his own to love and play with could be an idea??
I do agree with Ruby though, my DD2 didn't want me to have another and I did, she now loves her to bits.
They are all different. It is hard if you have one who wants siblings-my DS found it very upsetting-however it is no reason to have more.
Just to say I remember a moment a bit like yours with DS - except he does have an older sister. But when DS was about 3 I remember him once saying he'd like a little brother. I'd just say it's only natural to have a small wibble in response to such comments! You say whatever seems most reassuring at the time, have a quiet think about it later on your own, or with DH, and then probably carry on as before ... Unless it really has got you thinking !
Have to say I do like having two ... and think it can work whatever the gap or sexes involved.
Good luck thinking it over !
DD would like a younger sister. She has an older brother. It's not about to happen. I think your DS was unhappy he couldn't join in a game, but him having a younger sibling wouldn't have helped in that case. I don't think you should do something only because a child wants it - if things go wrong based on that decision would you blame the child for it?
Thanks all. He's happy playing with his other friends in the street now so probably just had a moment. It's typical that comments stay in our minds while they leave theirs very quickly lol.
It was just gutting at the time and with DH out at work I need to air it so it didn't fester too long. Thanks again xx
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.