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One-child families

resentful

4 replies

kerfuzzled · 28/10/2011 22:55

I have an 8 yr old and for whatever reason have been unable to concieve a second child which i think most of the time I have accepted. However whenever I hear one of friends/relatives is expecting I always have that dragging feeling of when will it be my turn

Even to the point where my lovely sister in law who has been trying for over 10yrs recently told me she was expecting and although I am genuinely happy for her I still have that same old feeling and if anyone deserves it it's her, I just feel like such a bad person.

Do you ever accept that you will only have one and you want more or will I always feel this way.

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ComeIntoTheSinisterGardenMaud · 30/10/2011 21:55

Yes, I accepted a very long time ago that I would have only one. It saddens me to hear that you still feel resentful after 8 years - that's a very long time to feel so unhappy. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this - a partner, supportive GP?

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Acinonyx · 30/10/2011 23:08

I wouldn't say I feel resentful, but I do still feel a sadness when someone is pg - there are some situations that seem to trigger it more than others. I was on the train the other day (without dd) and the women opposite has 2 small dds (about 3 & 2). I was absolutely fine, no thoughts at all, - until it was clear she was pg with no 3. Some things hit - some don't.

I accept I will never have another - but I will always be a bit sad about it. Not resentful - but sad, and sometimes envious. It will be the greatest regret of my life (and there is some competition for that honour). Dd is 6, and I am very grateful to have her. But I will always be sorry that I couldn't have another. It doesn't eat at me, and I'm not always thinking about it. But when I hear 'happy news' - part of me is sad for me. That doesn't make us bad people - just human.

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ComeIntoTheSinisterGardenMaud · 31/10/2011 09:57

That is probably the difference, Acinonyx - having one child is never going to be the greatest regret of my life.

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kerfuzzled · 01/11/2011 20:01

Thank you for sharing your experiences ladies. I have good days and bad days and that was a particularly bad day. I am feeling more positive today I am truely greatful for my miracle beautiful daughter and I know I am blessed. Also trying to remain positive that it could happen for me again while not letting it take over my life.