Worried about DD's big heart(7 Posts)
About four weeks ago, DD (6) came into my room one evening and asked if we could take her teddies to the charity shop. I asked why, and then she burst into tears and said she had too much. I asked her what had brought this on, and why she was upset, and explained to her about some people having more than others (just to clarify, I'm a single who works full time for pittance, and although I guess to some extent I
spoil indulge DD sometimes, she is by no means spoilt and certainly doesn't get everything she wants). I gave her lots of cuddles, explained how each teddy is important, but if she wants we'll pack some up and take them to the charity shop, along with some clothes (which I do anyway). Nothing more was said about it ....
DD just suddenly said to me she didn't want her DS anymore (xmas pressie from my mum) and that I could have it if I wanted. When asked why, she burst into tears again and said that she didn't play with it much (not true, whilst not on it all the time she picks it up every now and again, and takes it to breakfast and afterschool club occasionally too). I gave her lots of cuddles and kept asking what had brought this on again. I asked if it was something she'd seen or heard. She kept saying that there was nothing wrong and she didn't know why she was upset. I kept saying that she could tell me anything at all and I wouldn't be angry, I kept telling her that it helps to tell someone if you're worried about something and perhaps I could help. She kept saying nothing was wrong. I did probe a lot and in the end she said that she thinks that she's got too much stuff. I explained how some people have more than others and reminded her of what some of her friends have (mentioning people both better and worse off than us) and explained how in life there is always going to be people better off and worse off than us.
I don't know where to go from here though. DD seems to be ok now, but I do wonder if sometimes it plays on her mind. I also worry about the fact that she wouldn't talk to me initially either. She's an extremely mature 6 year old, who is very very switched on and bright (sorry not bragging just want to give you a picture of who she is). It's been just me and her since she was 1, and I do worry that I've treated her more like a friend than my child. I always say how we're a partnership and we work together, but we always have fun together. I just don't know what to do from here.
You know, of all the things to worry about (and I do understand your real concern, because your DD is getting upset), this has to be one of the best.
Well, perhaps she would feel better if she could somehow share her perceived bounty. Perhaps she'd like it if you could set up a charity donation to a children's or animal charity. Perhaps she'd like it at christmas and birthdays if instead of one of her presents she chose something for someone else.
My DD isn't quite so big-hearted as your DD, but when she was younger and we were doing a 'star chart' for something, she wanted the 'prizes' to be in the form of treats or toys for our dog rather than herself. If it would fit into your household, a pet for an only child to share with can be quite a good thing I think.
Thanks GTN - good idea about the charity. We do have a cat and it's very much a love/hate relationship. It's quite funny as the absolutely love one another and are always having cuddles together, but they both crave my attention and get jealous of each other - reminiscent of siblings.
I shall definitely look into the charity donation and get DD to help choose one.
DD sponsors a dog through Dogs Trust (reflecting her love of dogs), and we fund a childs education in Uganda (because she's truly fortunate to be able to go to an excellent school 'free' here)
She sounds like a sweetheart, bless her
What brilliant suggestions, Grimma.
I went through similar with my own Dd at that sort of age, she is still a worrier even now at 8, its just her personality, which keeps me on my toes with each new hurdle, as theres always something new to worry about
As a result of the same sort of worries you mention my own DD got into Charity fund raising, her favourite charity being Cats Protection, but she has raised money off her own bat for her Schools "twin" African School too - its been everything from Penny for the Guy & Singing, to selling cakes she's made & giving "massages" to friends whilst out for Sunday lunch - she even made her own collection box - perhaps this is something that might interest your own DD too??
I have to say though, that a few years down the line, as real as my own DDs feelings & worries are to her, she also is a master little actress & can play it up a lot for attention at times - especially bed time ;) - so maybe thats something you need to keep an eye on too -
like yours mine didn't come straight out with things, but it became a bit of a game where I had to coax it out of her - took me quite a while to cotton on that she was playing me for a good un - she owned up to it to
Aww- I have a similar dd (7). I think she picks up on these things at school/ from watching TV. My dd wants to adopt a polar bear for her birthday. I think it's not a bad trait. She is empathetic and sensitive to others, and I think you should be proud of that.
My younger dc wouldn't give up their things for anything! Go figure....
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