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Anyone got onlies with no cousins, etc?

(23 Posts)
lucysnowe Tue 28-Sep-10 11:59:17

Hi

I have a DD and we're trying for another but as I'm not the most fertile person in the world she may well end up an only child. smile

I've got mixed feelings about this - I'm an only myself so understand it's really rather nice - but I had a cousin I was quite close to growing up so had a kind of sibling substitute.

DD will have no cousins, in fact no relations of any kind anywhere near her age, and she's got the weight of expectation (as well as presents smile) from maternal and paternal grandparents, her child-free aunt and uncle, great aunt and uncle, my cousin and his girlfriend etc etc. At family gatherings it's DD and a whole bunch of doting oldies.

Is anyone else in the same position?

kreecherlivesupstairs Tue 28-Sep-10 12:17:14

More or less. Our DD is an only (by choice) and although she has cousins, she sees them rarely. We have never lived in the UK so she sees England as a holiday place. Luckily for her she doesn't have all the expectations. They've been given to my DS's eight so none left for ours grin

lucysnowe Tue 28-Sep-10 13:20:12

Thanks for the reply kreecher. Your sister has 8 kids?! I think if my SIL had the same I would stick with one too. smile but she is child-free by choice, which is obviously fine, but it does mean all the attention is fixated on poor DD. She is v. lucky, obviously, but it does seem a bit much sometimes.

CMOTdibbler Tue 28-Sep-10 13:22:29

DS has cousins, but they are 11-15 years older than him, so obv not close.

He does have a couple of friends who are onlies too, and has a v close relationship with them

orienteerer Tue 28-Sep-10 13:22:59

DS(8) is an only and has 2 cousins aged 28 & 31, so more like Uncles than cousins.

MrsSaxon Tue 28-Sep-10 14:21:57

DD (5) is in exactly the same position. We had a family gathering on Sunday and she is the only kid out of a group of 12.

Does not seem to affect her at all, she has never asked or hassled for more kids around and is certainly never bored.

She actually loves all the attention. smile

lucysnowe Tue 28-Sep-10 15:10:41

Thanks all.

MrsS, yes, DD rather liked being the centre of attention and it certainly was quite relaxing for me. She had her choice of people to play with.

DontCallMeBaby Wed 29-Sep-10 22:27:25

Yep, DD is the only grandchild on both sides of the family. The sadness is that my DB and SIL want kids, but don't seem to be able to have them, rather than that DD has no cousins. She has second cousins, six of them, ranging from three years older than her to four (I think) years younger, which would be nice if we ever saw them. It's just the way it is, so I try not to think about it too much.

I find it interesting that my mum is an only who has four cousins, all close in age, who lived locally as children, including one who lived in the same house as mum as she was growing up. So she had very much a quasi-sibling, but is still what I would describe as an unhappy only child.

Acekicker Thu 30-Sep-10 11:05:17

My only has 2 cousins (he adores them but they're older and at the other end of the country).

It doesn't bother me as I'm an only with no cousins (both my parents are also onlies). Growing up I had a lovely 'best friend' from our village and we're still extremely close today, closer than a lot of people in their late 30s are to their siblings I suspect.

Weight of family expectations wasn't an issue for me, probably because as a family we are extremely used to onlies. It's what you make of it I guess - family gatherings were fine as I was used to them and away from family I was just one of a big group of kids (ie friends) who all hung out together.

Tippychoocks Thu 30-Sep-10 11:08:19

Yes and Ex's siblings are all older and childless so unlikely to get any from that side. My brother has a baby but lives a long way away and we're not at all close.

It is sad but I was never close to mine - emotionally or geographically!

Nothing I can do about it though sad.

ladymarian Wed 27-Oct-10 13:24:59

Hi

Yes my DD is nearly 3 and will most probably be an only. DH is an only too and I have one sister who nearly 38 and has no desire to have any kids.

I feel sad for DD that she probably won't have any siblings or cousins sad. She does however have 2 second cousins who are around the same age so she sees them at family gatherings

FattyArbuckel Wed 03-Nov-10 07:25:29

My dd is 11 and has no siblings or cousins.

She doesn't miss the lack of cousins although in my ideal world I would like lots of cousins close by!

My dd is very happy. She has lots of friends but is very happy to be on her own as well.

I think expectations can weigh heavily on any child and it is up to the parents to make sure that they don't allow this and give children the freedom to be their own people.

nappyaddict Wed 08-Dec-10 16:41:49

Would you lot mind answering my thread about being the only grandchild

here

monkey36 Mon 07-Mar-11 15:51:00

My son is now 11 and has several cousins who are in their 30s, and one 18. He has very little, if any contact with them except with the one who is 18 and even then it's only 3 or 4 times ayear as we live far apart. I am early forties and have agonised about whether I should have another child for the last 5 years and still have pangs about it now.

Fortunately, I remind myself often, that I have this amazing son and wonder whether I could love another child as much. It woud be a miracle now if I had another child - the main reason why I did not go for it in the end was because my other half was not keen at all.

At worst, i feel a kind of grieving process as I know that I am getting too old - but then, at best - I have a son that has clearly benefitted from having all my attention and his dads. My son is absolutely fine although he did ask for a brother a couple of years ago.

Either way, you'll be fine. You will cope with whatever decision you make. Remember your child knows nothing different so it's absolutely normal for them. Sometimes, I think we analyse too much. My son was not planned and I do wonder whetehr I would have had any kids at all, if I had to make a decision in the first plcae - I was certainly not maternal but having my son has been the best thing I have ever done.

All the best

80sChick Sat 12-Mar-11 19:44:09

I have an only DS who is our pride and joy. He is an only one because of me and there is no way there will ever be another one. Besides, his father and I are in our 40s now and DS is 11, going on 15!

Due to family circumstances, there are no close relatives at all. However, we are a very close and happy family unit and though we had our teething problems at the beginning, we really are a happy threesome.

DS has benefitted from all the attention he has received and we have given him the life tools he needs to move to the next stage of his life, which is senior school.

As long as you and dad spend as much quality time with your child as you are able to, you will all be absolutely fine, I can almost promise you that!

mummytooneboy Sun 13-Mar-11 22:33:23

Our DS is in exactly the same boat (only child with no cousins) Sometimes I think it's not ideal but it's just the way things worked out. Like 80sChick we're both in our 40s now so this isn't going to change.

For now though he doesn't seem at all bothered, he's six and seems pretty happy.

I've made connections with some of my cousins (on Facebook - handy for that) and have arranged to meet them with their children, they're in the US so again not ideal but I want to give him some sense of family.

Good to read what everyone's written and to know we're not the only ones!

Allison64 Sun 17-Jul-11 16:49:53

We are in a similar position and it is a source of anguish to me as I grew up surrounded by cousins and family, in a very close knit community. We don't even have neighbours with children of a similar age!
It is very difficult to make contact as people tend to be in their family units and just don't want to know.

Adversecamber Tue 19-Jul-11 21:58:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tallulah Tue 19-Jul-11 22:20:11

My 4 yo isn't actually an only but might as well be. Her siblings are 19, 21, 23 and 25 and her cousins are the same sort of age. Her nearest family age-wise are my cousins' children who are just one, almost one, and 2.5, but they all live a long way from us.

(I'm hoping for grandchildren to provide playmates grin )

BiscuitNibbler Tue 19-Jul-11 22:38:19

My DD is an only. I am only with cousins living in other countries so no extended family on my side and my DH has one brother who will never have children and has no cousins.

I do worry that she will be very much alone as she grows up, but then I think of all the people I know who have very poor relationships with brothers / sisters and I remind myself that having a sibling isn't always a great thing.

sproingle Sat 06-Aug-11 21:02:03

My DD is an only and the first grandchild on both sides. May be the only one, certainly will be for some while, as my brother doesn't want children and my SIL may be unable to have them.

I do worry she might end up looking after everyone though!! I don't worry about her being alone as she grows up though. She'll have lots of friends.

TastyMuffins Fri 02-Sep-11 23:42:51

My DS 6yo is an only, he has cousins but never sees those on his father's side, they are grown up and not all in this country. On my side DS has 3 cousins in New Zealand. No close family around.

Glubs Tue 20-Sep-11 09:51:14

My DD aged 6 is an only with no cousins, nor will there ever be any. At family gatherings she's always the only child. Last year there was a huge reunion for a 90th birthday. There were 70 people there and my daughter was the only one under 18. She didn't mind too much and these events don't happen every day. She mixes with friends a lot and is comfortable with children, adults or on her own.
No situation is perfect, every scenario has pros and cons.

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