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First full day at I doing the right thing

(23 Posts)
babynovice Tue 02-Aug-05 08:41:54

I've just left my 10mth old dd crying her eyes out at nursery She has been for a few settling sessions but this is her first full day so I'm feeling quite guilty that she was so upset and I won't be there to comfort her all day. I need some advice about what is the best way to leave her in the morning i.e. should I go as quickly as possible or stay with her until she is settled and happily playing? This morning I didn't linger as I knew I was going to get upset too and that would probably make her worse Any thoughts?

SoupDragon Tue 02-Aug-05 08:52:39

I'd leave as soon as possible. Pass her over to a membe of staff, make a fuss of her with a kiss and say goodbye. Chances are she stopped crying within a very short space of time - most do

Toothache Tue 02-Aug-05 08:52:59

BN - It is always so distessing for the parent isn't it?? But these little monsters have a habit of switching the water works off 10seconds after you walk out the door! You did the right thing. After a few sessions she will soon realise that it's actually really good fun and Mummy ALWAYS comes back for my later.

My ds would scream and scream when we left him at Nursery. Then would scream when we came to collect him coz he wanted to stay at Nursery!! I swear the Nursery Nurses thought we locked him in a cupboard when we got home.

TracyK Tue 02-Aug-05 08:54:11

The nursery staff are so good at distracting babies that she prob stopped crying by the time you got back to the car.
My ds goes through clingy phases and sometimes he runs off into the nursery without even waving to me!
I think just keep the drop off routine consistent and she'll get the hang of it. Don't hang around too long as I think we wind the babies up just by being there. Be firm with a cuddle and kiss and wave goodbye. She'll love it!

babynovice Tue 02-Aug-05 09:04:51

Thanks everyone, I needed reassurance that I was doing the right thing, it's probably very true that I'm the one suffering while she's fine (I hope anyway ) I didn't realise it would be this difficult!

TracyK Tue 02-Aug-05 09:07:03

I think better to get it over and done with now - rather than trying to get a 2 yo to settle away from you. They quickly adapt at this age. ds went to nursery for 5 mornings since he was 10mo and he hates coming home with me!

Toothache Tue 02-Aug-05 09:07:07

BN - I have to get DH to do it in the morning coz I'm sucker for those big baby blue eyes, I'd never get to work!!!

Twiglett Tue 02-Aug-05 09:07:20

totally natural reaction

say goodbye, one kiss, walk away don't look back, get out of sight, slump over and feel guilty .. within 5 minutes she'll be fine

SoupDragon Tue 02-Aug-05 09:08:16

A bit different because DS2 is 4 but I left him at pre-school howling and screaming one day - I lingered in the lobby feeling bad, out of sight and he stopped crying as soon as he couldn't see me any more and didn't start again. Little devil.

Lizzylou Tue 02-Aug-05 09:09:56

BN, I second what others have said, it is heartbreaking, but I'd bet your DD is fine once you have left and she has settled down, my little boy now runs off without a second glance, which is equally heartbreaking! When Dh drops hims off he always feels bad as DS just runs off and into his "room" and DH is left standing there like some random man!
DS even brings his shoes and nursery bag to me and points to the door(even on the days he doesn't go!) which makes me feel sad he has soo much fun without me! I must just bore him!
Give the nursery a call at lunchtime just to check how she is and I bet she is fine!

babynovice Tue 02-Aug-05 09:30:42

Lol Lizzylou, in a few months time I will probably be upset about dd wanting to go to nursery rather than be with me I've resisted the urge to call them just now - she's only been there an hour and it feels like a day. I was sooo looking forward to a 'day off' too, now I'll be on MN all day to keep my mind occupied

cerys Tue 02-Aug-05 09:34:31

babynovice, I know how you are feeling as my DD2 (3 yrs) and DS (9 months) started a new nursery today. DD2 cried from when she got up and sobbed alll the way there. She was happy to leave her old nursery and I am sure she will enjoy the new one, but I feel rubbish today. I am actually finishing work altogether at the end of October, but 3 months seems a lifetime to DD2 and she looks so sad all the time

Lizzylou Tue 02-Aug-05 09:35:07

BN, I have set myself the goal of only calling once halfway through the day, that way you don't annoy the nursery staff too much!

bundle Tue 02-Aug-05 09:45:34

bn, both my girls went to nursery around 8 mths old for 2 or 3 days a week and i can honestly count on the fingers of one hand the number of times each of them has cried when i've left them..getting dd2 out of the nursery (now 2yrs 3 mths) is another matter...good luck xxx

babynovice Tue 02-Aug-05 10:08:24

Aw Cerys what a wee shame for dd2, hopefully she will settle quickly's not easy is it!

Toothache Tue 02-Aug-05 10:09:59

BN - Give the Nursery a phone. I still do this sometimes when I get just get a bad 'feeling'. They do think I'm mad, but I don't care!!

Blu Tue 02-Aug-05 10:12:13

I used to call to check that DS was ok and settled - that then put my mind at rest and stopped me fretting. Nurseries will be very used to that.

MrsDoolittle Tue 02-Aug-05 10:23:06

I'd call as often as you want to. I did!
I was extremely apologetic all the time but I still needed to know. It does get better though.

Yesterday dd held on to me for the first time ever, so I scoffed at her and laughed. Then she laughed herself and put her arms up for the nursery nurse. She was just trying it on - the little monkey!

Lizzylou Tue 02-Aug-05 10:34:13

BN, please call as often as you like, I was just a bit worried that you'd drive yourself mad like I did and call every hour on the hour (I also "popped in" as I worked from home, big mistake, just unsettled DS even more!)...

cerys Wed 03-Aug-05 08:46:21

babynovice, how did your DD get on yesterday? Is she there again today?
My DD2 was OK yesterday, they said she had a few tears on and off but seemed to be playing with other kids when we arrived to collect her. She was better this morning - her bottom lip was wobbling as we left, but a great improvement on yesterday. Thing is, she only goes 2 days a week, so we might be back to square one next Tuesday!
I still can't wait until I finish work and don't have to do this anymore!

Lizzylou Wed 03-Aug-05 08:50:00

Babynovice, I was thinking of you yesterday and this morning, when I picked my DS up he just gave me a huge grin, waved at me then ran off with his new best friend! This morning he again brought his shoes and nursery bag to me and pointed to the door!!!! Hope your DD had a great day yesterday.
Cerys, I too work Tuesdays and Wednesdays and at first it was hard getting DS into the routine, almost like his "first day" every Tuesday IYKWIM, but he settled in after a few weeks or so, glad your DD was better this morning.

babynovice Wed 03-Aug-05 08:59:34

Hi Folks, thanks for asking how dd got on... she was fine most of the time. I did call the nursery after lunch and, sods law, I could hear dd crying in the background and immediately wished I hadn't checked because apparently she had been doing great (had a sleep. ate all her lunch, playing away with other kids etc.) so I was a bit upset after that and ended up collecting her earlier than planned
She is there again this morning, started crying again when I handed her over and trying to cling on, but I didn't feel quite so bad because I know she had a good day yesterday and she will be OK......I don't think I will phone to check though!

mandymoo Wed 03-Aug-05 20:30:21

Hi - dd is 2.8 and has gone to nursery for a year and a half now and still cries when i leave her sometimes! My tactic is to leave asap cos i know that as soon as i've gone DD settles down and just gets on with it. It is horrible leaving them when they are crying but rest assured that if there were any major problems in her settling that they would contact you. Good luck X

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