wwyd - DS being 'picked' on in nursery.

[thesouthsbelle]

I use the phrase picked on over bullied as I think bullied is too stronger word for a 3.5 year old.

but DS goes to nursery 4 mornings a week 8.30-1.

before I start I should say I know my son isn't an angel, I know he is a typical 3.5 year old, but I also know he's not malicious nor would he openly hurt another child just because. as it were.

he has become best friends with a boy who is 4 in his class called X. apparently they do everything together. We had a party where X was invited also, and he was seen (by me) to be punching my child - before I could say anything the magic man chappy had told him off. Said boy was then out in the garden pushing chairs over, pulling an 18 mo harshly, and trying to tip the smoby car over while people were in it & climbing all over it.

I (as i'm sure you'll appriciate) wasn't happy with his behaviour re DS and actually thought of him as a gremlin. and decided that if they play so closely in nursery I would discuss it with them. Apparently they monitored it all day and there wa no unpleasantness DS's key worker was quite surprised at what i'd told her. (this was start of sept)

Fast forward to y'day. (DS btw has been really crying when I take him into nursery of late - he's been going about 9 months, and this has been since the summer) anyhow y'day apparently X pulled all of DS's food off of his plate at the dinner table. and was also punching him in the back.

DS told me & mum independantly. both of us said we'd talk to his key worker but DS got v upset at this and said no because X would hurt us to.

it is clearly playing on his mind, and he's a sensitive little boy. He doesn't retaliate. and doesn't tell grown ups - which i've said he should do. apparently this boy also said he was a baby, however a key worker heard y'day and said NO DS you're not a baby.

wwyd - shall I monitor it, or pull him out?

I know i'm prob being a bit PFB but I feel I have to stand up for my son.

[rubyslippers]

you must raise it with his key worker and get them to shadow the boys for a week to see what is triggering the episodes

why aren't the staff reacting if food is being pulled off the table etc?

speak to the nursery and ask what their action plan is to be

[thesouthsbelle]

this is what I want to know Ruby - and I shall be beyond livid if I find out it's a reg thing and DS is having no lunch.

I should point out it's a lovely nursery on the whole and they're very good.

(DS told me at bed time btw)

[Bucharest]

Poor ds, and poor you....

You're right I think to call it picking on, not bullying, but it's still totally unacceptable and the nursery workers should be taking this violent child in hand. There were a few like this at dd's nursery (fortunately being pink and girly she managed to keep away from them) None of the violence was actually intentional between the boys, it all stemmed (apparently) from horrors like Gormiti/Spiderman/wrestling and lord knows what else these tots were being allowed to watch at home....Eventually the nursery teachers had a meeting specifically with mums-of-boys to discuss it, and things did seem to calm down a bit....

Hope you sort it out...

[OnlyWantsOneFartleBerry]

What good would pulling him out of nursery do? Leave you in a muddle re child care?

You need to tell your DS that it is important that when some one is nasty / mean to you, that you tell an adult. Tell him that you are going to go together to see the key worker and the manager.

I'm sure if this X was doing this at lunch it would have not gone unnoticed, and if it did, then I take back what I said and rip your DS out of there and complain.

Ask them to keep your DS and X apart til it settles, or highly supervised.

Maybe the Key worker should organise some quiet time with both your DS and X - to do some thing constructive together to show X how to play nicely with your DS and to show DS not to be scared - and remember to keep telling him if he is scared he needs to tell an adult, just like he told you - and it doesnt get any one in trouble or hurt.

Also, have the other child's parents been told what is going on? Its not just because he is a gremlin, there may be some thing more serious wrong? Is he getting picked on by an older sibling / friend?

[rubyslippers]

i would call the nursery today and get this sorted

if they are a good nursery they will have specific shadowing plans in place

[thesouthsbelle]

thanks for your replys will look properly when i'm in work.

am going to ask for the boys to be split up froom today and see what happens.

Re pulling him out, he can go to the childminder if need be longer, tbh i'd rather have him feeling safe and settled than I would in a nursery which is not going to be beneficial for him.