Nursery - worse for them or us?

[Mots]

Hi

I am probably being ultra sensitive this week as I returned to work and resent work for making me go back full time.

We have put our 1 year old girl in nursery for the five days. We worry that we are being so mean as she cries when we drop her off, and cries when we pick her up - all normal I am told. As this is the case, I feel desperate that the only times we see her at nursery is when she is crying. She is also absolutely shattered when I pick her up and getting her bathed and ready for bed can be a real battle now. Bathtime and bed time used to be fun, happy and relaxed. Our happy little girl, who never cried and was always so content before - it is so hard. Is 8:30-5:30 too long a day to be at nursery?

Help - how long is this going to last, did anyone else feel that returning to work and putting their little one into nursery was the biggest mistake? (and yes, she is our first precious little one!).

[london0hull4]

Oh Mots, it's hard being a mum. I think you have to follow your instincts and see how your DD gets on. Five full days at nursery it quite a lot but many children do this and are happy and doing so. You have to do what works for you as a family and if you need to work full time, there's no point anyone telling you you shouldn't. It probably is worth exploring the options though. I work a "condensed week" so I do full time hours but squeeze them into 4 days. I have Wednesday at home with my DS which breaks the week up for him. Tiredness is an issue for little ones. I know my DS doesn't sleep nearly as long at nursery as he does at home.

No-one can tell you what to do, but I would certainly explore any options you have

[Mots]

Thanks london0hull4. Unfortunately, work are not very sympathetic to home working or condensed hours (tried to persuade them), but maybe once I have been back a while I can try and renegotiate with them. I probably need to change job as I have to spend 2 3/4 hours a day commuting anyway. It's just that the tears make you feel so desperate - hopefully she will adjust soon, and then I can.

[dontrunwithscissors]

I hate to day this - and perhaps make you worry more - but my DD had always struggled to cope with the tiredness/nursery. (She does enjoy it - and I've never had a problem with her crying.) She started just before her first birthday, and managed 4.5 x 8 hour days reasonably well. As she's got older (and more active), she seems to have found it much more tiring. She's now there 8.30-4.30, Mon-Thurs. Thursday nights are hellish - she's just so completely knackered. Some mornings when I'm getting ready to take her to nursery she'll say 'no nursery, mummy, sleep. I want to sleep.' A couple of mornings she's even told me to go to work, and she'll stay home on her own (it's heartbreaking to hear your 2 year old say that). In her case, she's the kind of child who just won't stop once she's at nursery. She's always struggled to switch off, and barely sleeps there (even though she desparately wants to, she just can't seem to drop off with so many people in the room.) Anyway, to get to the point, I've decided that a nanny or childminder would be better for her. Do you think your DD may cope with her days more easily if it's a more homely environment?

[limonchik]

I do think for some children, especially the little ones, going from the more gentle pace of home to a loud, busy nursery with lots of children their own age is a bit too much of a shock. Maybe as dontrunwithscissors suggests, a more homely environment with a childminder might be easier for her to settle in to?

[xoxcherylxox]

hi
i think monday to friday 1st thing in the morning till nursery close is to long for a child. it is longer than the adults working day and i think it is unfair for the child. i used to work in a nursery where children got dropped off at 7.30 when the nursery opened and were the last to go at 6 pm by this point they are shattered so would go straight home bath and bed so i used to wonder when do they actually get to spend time with there parents. i understand some ppl have to wrk full time but i think once you have children u have to cut back become if your wrking full time then you being a parent part time and it not fair on your child being in the nursery all day.
as you can prob tell i am a stay at home mum but do wrk as a childminder now so i have the best of both worlds i get to wrk but get to be at home with my little girl.

[cookielove]

Does she cry when she see's you or crying when you walk in, how long has she been going? did you have any settling in sessions?

obviously the tears could just be that she is tired, and its been a long day.

Can you not work through your lunch hour, and pick her up an hour earlier?

My nursery is open 8-6.30 and we have some children that are there for the entire day, although usually only a few, they tend to get tired towards the end but are settled enough that are cuddly not crying.

Most children do cry on drop off and pick up to begin with but after a certain amount of time will settle

[Mots]

dontrunwithscissors - I spent weeks deliberating what would be the best solution - looked into childminders, nannies, nannyshare etc. for various reasons, location, finances etc. we went for the nursery. I felt that what ever I did I would feel 'damned if I did and damned if I didn't'. I have decided to give it a month to see how DD is managing and then think again. I take on board what you say about your 2 year old telling you how tired she is.

xoxcherylxox - I agree five days, full time is too long - it breaks my heart that I have to do it. Would love to have a job which spends more time at home.

cookielove - DD just starts crying when she sees me. I am told by some that it is a rush of relief that you have come back. MAybe??? The last two days she has been better at pick up, so hopefully she is beginning to realise that I will always come back. I am already working minimal lunch hours - I am in the wrong job as they are not sympathetic and won't let me work from home, even though most of my work could be done from home, and I have a journey of 1 1/2 hous each way - Like I say, I will give it a month - and then perhaps it is the job that needs to be addressed, and then the rest can fall into place.

Each day it seems to be easier to put it into perspective. Thanks for all your comments.